Framed photo of ILs, how to handle?

[Anonymous]

I would never give something like that to my son and DIL unless it was requested - most unlikely, I think.

However I have noticed that DIL has a framed photo of her parents in the kids' bedroom. I guess it does make me a little jealous. Oh well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, why don't you just find a less high-traffic area, and put there?

Thus

[Anonymous]

We have a set of shelves near our dining room table, large shelving, but tucked away. I have numerous framed photos sitting on the shelves, basically staggered...some out front, some towards the back. Any of the pics I don't necessarily want to see, I stick in the back. But there are also cute pictures of my kid or dog back there too, so it's not too obvious that I don't like certain pictures. As a whole, it's a nice arrangement, the ones in the back are easy to ignore.

[Anonymous]

Olan Mills was like the Picture People of it's time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Olan Mills was like the Picture People of it's time.

its

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would never give something like that to my son and DIL unless it was requested - most unlikely, I think.

However I have noticed that DIL has a framed photo of her parents in the kids' bedroom. I guess it does make me a little jealous. Oh well.

I think the DIL should have framed pics of all ILs, not just her parents. You sound like a great MIL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We got the church 5x7. I put it in the guest room. I just want to tell all you DILs that my MIL recently died after suffering from Alzheimers. She was much less well educated than I, not very bright, and had, in my opinion, terrible taste in just about everything. But she was totally well meaning. When we were first married I always made fun of her to DH and did not do a great job of hiding my sense of superiority at family gatherings. Now that I am older and I hope wiser, I feel very guilty about this. All they want (usually) is to be loved and accepted by you so that they remain part of their son's life and grandchildren's lives. So I guess what I am saying is in hindsight I would swallow my pride and act a lot more grateful for the cheesy gifts, and most of all, never ever insult my MIL to DH. It makes me cringe to realize my future DILs are probably going to do the same thing. Just saying'.

Was she nice, or did she make a lot of inaccurate assumptions about you; and treat you colder than a freezer at family gatherings? I dunno, if I want my son to see me, I'm going to have to accept responsibility and not expect him or his wife to kiss my ass, is all.

[Anonymous]

My ILs fully expect ass kissing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not to hijack your thread, but for Christmas, my inlaws gave my 3 year old a photo collage frame (the kind with spaces for 6-8 pictures that are supposed to be mounted on the wall) full exclusively of pictures of my father in law. "For you to hang in your room!"

I would do what the PP suggested and put it in a closet or something and only put it out when they visit.

That is super weird. Why did the collage not include MIL?

LMAO!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would never give something like that to my son and DIL unless it was requested - most unlikely, I think.

However I have noticed that DIL has a framed photo of her parents in the kids' bedroom. I guess it does make me a little jealous. Oh well.

I think the DIL should have framed pics of all ILs, not just her parents. You sound like a great MIL.

You mean the son should bother to put up a photo of his parents just like his wife bothered to put up a photo of her parents?

[Anonymous]

There is a photo of my ILs sitting on a bookcase right near our bed in our bedroom. I like it. It doesn't feel like creepy eyes looking at us in bed. It just reminds me, when I pass by it on my way to the bathroom, that they've gotten a bit older since the photo was taken, and I wish we could see them more often since they live across the country.

There is a photo of my mother sitting on the living room piano, across the room from me as I type this on my laptop. It makes me happy too. My father passed away six years ago, and when I see a happy photo of my parents together, in another room, it makes me miss him so so much.

I had an annoying MIL in my first marriage but I still never minded having an IL photo out in our family room. I think the photo helped me feel kindly toward them whenever I looked at it, because in the photo they were happy and they were not interacting with me or my kids and making me feel uncomfortable, and it reminded me that they had good hearts even if they didn't really seem very warm interacting with their own grandchildren.

It's too bad you have unpleasant ILs. I still think you are giving this photo way too much power over you. I am frankly shocked that some of the posters would toss a photo in the trash. I would regard that photo as an opportunity to practice charity in your heart whenever you see it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would never give something like that to my son and DIL unless it was requested - most unlikely, I think.

However I have noticed that DIL has a framed photo of her parents in the kids' bedroom. I guess it does make me a little jealous. Oh well.

I think the DIL should have framed pics of all ILs, not just her parents. You sound like a great MIL.

You mean the son should bother to put up a photo of his parents just like his wife bothered to put up a photo of her parents?

+1

[Anonymous]

I made sure that all grandparents got equal frame time for the pictures in DCs' rooms. Agree that DH could easily do it too, but it's just a thoughtful touch to be inclusive.

[Anonymous]

In some marriages, the DH is never going to notice much about photos or decor, and the DW is. I suppose it is sometimes the reverse. Witness the pp who said to just gradually move the photo out of circulation, and the husband would likely not notice.

If one spouse does notice these things, and knows that the other ILs could be offended because their photo isn't up too, then why not just correct the problem. You can't change people, make them notice or care about things like which family photos are up. Why does everything have to be such a gender gauntlet thrown down. What is peaceful in the home about that? Political life is another story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In some marriages, the DH is never going to notice much about photos or decor, and the DW is. I suppose it is sometimes the reverse. Witness the pp who said to just gradually move the photo out of circulation, and the husband would likely not notice.

If one spouse does notice these things, and knows that the other ILs could be offended because their photo isn't up too, then why not just correct the problem. You can't change people, make them notice or care about things like which family photos are up. Why does everything have to be such a gender gauntlet thrown down. What is peaceful in the home about that? Political life is another story.

Because there's a lot of work to be done in any household, and because it's still not the norm that men do their share of the housework and childcare , and because it shouldn't automatically be the woman's job to handle scheduling and including her ILs, especially if they drive her crazy. My household became much more peaceful once DH started dealing with 99% of all communication with the ILs.

We don't see change unless we speak up!