Framed photo of ILs, how to handle?

[Anonymous]

I think it belongs on your DH's desk at work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find it a bit odd that a married couple in their early 70s would book a studio photographer to take photos, then I guess send one to each child, and presumably keep one.

They're doing their estate planning; that's the photo that they hope will be at one or both of their funerals

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it belongs on your DH's desk at work.

Agree.

BTW my DH has them as his welcome screen on his iPhone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find it a bit odd that a married couple in their early 70s would book a studio photographer to take photos, then I guess send one to each child, and presumably keep one.

There is nothing odd about it at all. Both my parents and my in-laws get one done about every three or four years. The photographer comes to the church to make pictures for the church directory. They always order a 5 X 7 for each of their children.

I know I'm one of the strange ones, but I actually love my parents and my in-laws and treasure those sweet pictures.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My in-laws sent us one of those. I put in inside our piano bench, underneath the sheet music, face-down.

Ahahahahahaaaaaa! Thread winner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do your ILs belong to a church? I bet the church did a photo directory, and then they ordered photos after that.

If you don't like it, though, I think you need to say something to your DH. Or you could just move it, I suppose, since he put it there without asking you.

If you bring it up/he asks, I'd frame it in the context of "Let's decide how/if we want to have more extended family photos up around the house" not "OMG, that is creepy, I cannot stand it." (Pun intended.)

I thought the exact same thing.

[Anonymous]

We got the church 5x7. I put it in the guest room. I just want to tell all you DILs that my MIL recently died after suffering from Alzheimers. She was much less well educated than I, not very bright, and had, in my opinion, terrible taste in just about everything. But she was totally well meaning. When we were first married I always made fun of her to DH and did not do a great job of hiding my sense of superiority at family gatherings. Now that I am older and I hope wiser, I feel very guilty about this. All they want (usually) is to be loved and accepted by you so that they remain part of their son's life and grandchildren's lives. So I guess what I am saying is in hindsight I would swallow my pride and act a lot more grateful for the cheesy gifts, and most of all, never ever insult my MIL to DH. It makes me cringe to realize my future DILs are probably going to do the same thing. Just saying'.

[Anonymous]

Assuming your husband loves his parents, I would just leave it there for a little while. Then while "cleaning" I would move it somewhere less obvious.

I don't think it is all that bizarre to have pictures of grandparents in the house. We have quite a few of them. I grew up with them too so I guess that is why I don't think of them as strange.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just move it to a different spot and see if your husband even notices. Mine would not. Then after another few weeks, I would tuck it away somewhere. Then wait awhile (like months) and toss it if you want. Then play dumb about where it went if asked later. But if you first document your dislike for the photo and THEN it goes missing, that's way to obvious...you gotta be sneaky!

Do you have children? If so, you're setting a great example for them--how to be a liar and a sneak.

[Anonymous]

Move it someplace less visible and if your husband asks, tell him you were cleaning and it fell on the ground. You were so relieved it did not break that you moved it to a safer spot and when they are coming over, you will put it back out.

[Anonymous]

My parents and my husband's mom have given us nicely framed photos of themselves. It's a lovely gesture. We keep the pictures out because our children don't see their grandparents as often as any of us would like. It was also nice to have the picture of my parents because my dad died and not all of his grandchildren remember him but because of the picture they have a face to go with the stories.

If I weren't thrilled with having the pictures out all the time, I'd dub a drawer or cabinet the "family photo" location and pull them out for visits or seasonally when we might be talking more about different family members. We also put photos on our refrigerator. They don't stay pristine, but it's a nice place for the kids to see friends and family members.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find it a bit odd that a married couple in their early 70s would book a studio photographer to take photos, then I guess send one to each child, and presumably keep one.

There is nothing odd about it at all. Both my parents and my in-laws get one done about every three or four years. The photographer comes to the church to make pictures for the church directory. They always order a 5 X 7 for each of their children.

I know I'm one of the strange ones, but I actually love my parents and my in-laws and treasure those sweet pictures.

Ohhhhh barf. But you are very fortunate.

[Anonymous]

One Christmas, my MIL gave myself and my BIL (her SIL, not her son) a framed photo of the two of us together (me and my BIL). I can't stand the BIL and I am guessing the feeling is mutual so it was so awkward to open in front of everyone and pretend to love it. Obviously, it didn't stick around.
If I were in your situation my DH knows me well enough to know I wouldn't want it. I would be honest with him without being offensive and/or suggest he keep it at his office? Alternatively, adding a large group of family photos from both sides diminishes its presence enough that maybe you wouldn't be so bothered by it. That is assuming you want to add a large grouping of photos in your home at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We got the church 5x7. I put it in the guest room. I just want to tell all you DILs that my MIL recently died after suffering from Alzheimers. She was much less well educated than I, not very bright, and had, in my opinion, terrible taste in just about everything. But she was totally well meaning. When we were first married I always made fun of her to DH and did not do a great job of hiding my sense of superiority at family gatherings. Now that I am older and I hope wiser, I feel very guilty about this. All they want (usually) is to be loved and accepted by you so that they remain part of their son's life and grandchildren's lives. So I guess what I am saying is in hindsight I would swallow my pride and act a lot more grateful for the cheesy gifts, and most of all, never ever insult my MIL to DH. It makes me cringe to realize my future DILs are probably going to do the same thing. Just saying'.

Yes, this is why I didn't burst out laughing when this ridiculous looking photo came out of the box. And since they act utterly smug and superior, make fun of fat people, and force feed us their "wisdom" in hour after hour of wine-soaked, agenda-laden, self-serving stories: "wellllll, WE'VE always felt that...blah blah blah", etc etc, until I can hardly take even one more second of it, I would resent having to look at this picture the other 50 weeks of the year, it is just too much. That said, the pps have offered some excellent suggestions. I am not a snob, and would not look down on my ILs terrible taste if they did not think they actually have the best taste in all the world. My MIL has shown me warmth maybe 2 times in 15 years, and not even on my wedding day. I have tried so hard to be a good DIL, I am hard working, a good mother, and most importantly to my MIL, I am not fat and have not gotten fat. Yet still nothing is ever good enough. I used to put a lot of thought into picking out Christmas presents for her, until the day she asked me to get something for her out of a kitchen drawer, and there, still in their store packaging, were all the gifts I had chosen for her.

And even given all this, I actually still feel guilty for my negative feelings toward them and my desire to trash the photo. My sister suggested allowing my son to toss the football near the photo until there is an unfortunate accident.

Now how to keep my friend from laughing out loud next time she comes over and sees said photo.

[Anonymous]

Is your DH just a boarder or is this also his home? If it is his home too then he has EVERY RIGHT to display a photograph of his parents. Keep acting like this, OP, and he may move on. Grow up, you are married.