Framed photo of ILs, how to handle?

[Anonymous]

Our upstairs hallway is covered with framed photos and art, floor to ceiling.. We put any gifts like this (and we get alot) there. Mixed in with everything else they look campy and fun.

[Anonymous]

This is hilarious! My sister sent photos of HERSELF in her wedding dress to everyone. Let me clarify- SHE WAS BY HERSELF in her wedding dress. No husband, bridesmaids, family, etc. It was easily the weirdest photo I've ever seen. I called it the "Ditched Bride" photo. Oh and it was photoshopped to the point where you could barely see her through the fog (she's beautiful, no idea why she thought she needed this).

Anyway, I put another photo in that frame. If she ever visits, I'll switch it out for the ditched bride photo.

And yes, she's incredibly full of herself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is hilarious! My sister sent photos of HERSELF in her wedding dress to everyone. Let me clarify- SHE WAS BY HERSELF in her wedding dress. No husband, bridesmaids, family, etc. It was easily the weirdest photo I've ever seen. I called it the "Ditched Bride" photo. Oh and it was photoshopped to the point where you could barely see her through the fog (she's beautiful, no idea why she thought she needed this).

Anyway, I put another photo in that frame. If she ever visits, I'll switch it out for the ditched bride photo.

And yes, she's incredibly full of herself.

It's called a bridal portrait. They are very common.

But it is very strange to send them to everyone.

[Anonymous]

Isn't that weird?!

It wasn't quite a bride portrait either. She was married by the beach, and it was a photo of her looking over at the ocean, totally by herself, not smiling. Also it was raining because it happened to rain on her wedding day. And it seems like an incredibly happy marriage so I don't think it was some sort of statement.

And no, I don't send her photos of my kids or myself or anything. Oh and she sent this photo to her inlaws too, which is even WEIRDER!

Oh and I should mention this was our Christmas present. HAHAHAHAHAHA!

[Anonymous]

Why not put a bunch of family framed family photos on the same sideboard. And add a few more, with your side family too. And then oops -- didn't notice that theirs got kind of pushed to the back, and we can hardly see it anymore -- oh well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Isn't that weird?!

It wasn't quite a bride portrait either. She was married by the beach, and it was a photo of her looking over at the ocean, totally by herself, not smiling. Also it was raining because it happened to rain on her wedding day. And it seems like an incredibly happy marriage so I don't think it was some sort of statement.

And no, I don't send her photos of my kids or myself or anything. Oh and she sent this photo to her inlaws too, which is even WEIRDER!

Oh and I should mention this was our Christmas present. HAHAHAHAHAHA!

How thoughtful of her! But seriously, why are brides NUTS? Or, what is it about being a bride that so brings out the nuttiness?

Re: the first question - my husband and I had a big to-do when we first moved in together, about the place for family pics. His parents' home is filled with those creepy (I think) studio shots of the grandkids, the weddings, that sort of thing. I didn't grow up with that - my parents have a lot of framed photos around, but they're snapshots, and aren't up on the wall. It quickly devolved into the sort of fight that I'd say has been an archetype for a lot of our fights - I get accused of being a snob, I try not to accuse him of having grown up with really bad taste. Anyway, I happen to love his parents, but I still appreciate that some photos are weird.

No good advice, though I do like the idea of putting the photo on your husband's desk. Or maybe you guys can move it around the house as a game. Peeking out from behind the curtains. On the back of the toilet. See if you can feel it staring at you in all sorts of funny locations.

[Anonymous]

My MIL gives us a photo of herself and her dog EVERY Christmas.... I put it on a shelf in my son's room. Until he is old enough to think it is weird I am covered......

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I find it a bit odd that a married couple in their early 70s would book a studio photographer to take photos, then I guess send one to each child, and presumably keep one.

I can think of a bunch of reasons someone might feel compelled to do this -- feeling like they aren't going to be around forever, wanted to have a picture around for their grandchildren to see and remember them, etc. It's possible (probable?) that this is an attempt by your in-laws to be more integrated into your daily life, particularly for your children. In that case, I'd be inclined to welcome it, since surely it's better than daily phone calls or visits!

In our house, we have a family photo wall on the staircase (where it's not staring at us all the time) with picture of my parents, grandparents, and great great great grandparents straight off the boat. We had one growing up, and I loved looking at those pictures. If you have space in an out-of-the-way spot, you could earn some points with your in-laws by creating something similar and telling them their picture was the inspiration for it and your children enjoy looking at it and hearing stories about their family's past. I have a feeling that's what they were after at in the first place by sending such a thing.

This is a very nice way of looking at it. My distaste for my ILs is coloring this, in case you hadn't guessed. Photo is so cheesy. The corners fade away, it's heavily photoshopped, at first I thought it must be an old photo from the 80's, since all but a few crow's feet have been digitally scrubbed away from MIL's face.

Yes, I'd guessed that. It didn't require any guesswork, actually; it comes through loud and clear in your original post. It's also notable that you come here rather than just talking to your husband about it.

So: "Distaste" for the in-laws and fear of offending if you communicate simply and directly with their son, your husband. Sounds like there is more going on here and this is a classic "tip of the iceberg" situation.

Why can't you at least be honest with your husband? That doesn't have to go as far as "It's creepy and their eyes follow me" because, well, that's unkind at best. But he's your husband - Is he so very sensitive tha the won't get it if you just said, "Hey, that photo -- not the best one of your folks. We tend to have just pictures of the kids. How about if we put this one (on the wall in the back hallway, along the staircase, wherever is "on display" but not in the main living area)?" Or if you do keep other family photos but in albums: "I'd really like this in the album with other pictures of my parents and yours and other relatives, so it's all together."

If you can't even bring this up for fear of offending your husband, it sounds as if he knows you don't like his parents and that upsets him (in which case, have you ever discussed why?) OR he doesn't like them much either but is sensitive about that fact, because he doesn't want to offend THEM.

Whatever's really going on, it all sounds like no one's just talking. And I agree with the person who posted above that older people sometimes hit an "I realize I won't be around much longer, and I want to be remembered" stage and there is nothing wrong with that. It's a way of reaching out, even if it's not a way that you find tasteful.

[Anonymous]

Just move it to a different spot and see if your husband even notices. Mine would not. Then after another few weeks, I would tuck it away somewhere. Then wait awhile (like months) and toss it if you want. Then play dumb about where it went if asked later. But if you first document your dislike for the photo and THEN it goes missing, that's way to obvious...you gotta be sneaky!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not to hijack your thread, but for Christmas, my inlaws gave my 3 year old a photo collage frame (the kind with spaces for 6-8 pictures that are supposed to be mounted on the wall) full exclusively of pictures of my father in law. "For you to hang in your room!"

I would do what the PP suggested and put it in a closet or something and only put it out when they visit.

Awesome!!!

[Anonymous]

Crap of this sort goes straight into the trash. Done and done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find it a bit odd that a married couple in their early 70s would book a studio photographer to take photos, then I guess send one to each child, and presumably keep one.

Maybe they feel like they are getting closer to death and they wanted their son to have a nice photo of them before they pass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find it a bit odd that a married couple in their early 70s would book a studio photographer to take photos, then I guess send one to each child, and presumably keep one.

Maybe they feel like they are getting closer to death and they wanted their son to have a nice photo of them before they pass.

"Nice photo" goes into the trash bin with the other rubbish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We tuck our into the hutch and put it out when they visit. However, you must be careful to not forget to put it out when they visit. My MIL found it facedown in a drawer and just about had a fit. I explained that I bug bombed the house and I didn't want it to get ruined. Of course then she started obsessing about why I have bugs in my home.

[Anonymous]

Take it out of the frame and put it in a photo album. Scrap book it to the max...letting kids write sweet stuff about them ..."The best granma and granpa - ever"

Keep it in the family room table. Label the album "Our Friends and Family"

I have one like that, and I put all kinds of crap pictures in it.

No one feels bad.