Help me not cheat! (with compassion pretty please)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Trust me, bad behavior makes men ugly. My SO is tall and handsome and I have always been attracted to him. For years. But when he does something inconsiderate and rude, I am repulsed. This is probably why we're going to break up, actually. I have no doubt I could be attracted to him physically forever if he were a good partner, but he has done some inconsiderate things that have killed my attraction. I WISH I had the kind of husbands these women have.

+1

Yeah but you're still with him. You say one thing but your actions (or better yet, lack of action) tells a different story.

Are you are secretly hoping the attraction you do have will outweigh the other issues you've seen him display? Do you still want his alpha cock pounding you either until you marry him or until it gets beyond the point of no return?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Trust me, bad behavior makes men ugly. My SO is tall and handsome and I have always been attracted to him. For years. But when he does something inconsiderate and rude, I am repulsed. This is probably why we're going to break up, actually. I have no doubt I could be attracted to him physically forever if he were a good partner, but he has done some inconsiderate things that have killed my attraction. I WISH I had the kind of husbands these women have.

+1

Yeah but you're still with him. You say one thing but your actions (or better yet, lack of action) tells a different story.

Are you are secretly hoping the attraction you do have will outweigh the other issues you've seen him display? Do you still want his alpha cock pounding you either until you marry him or until it gets beyond the point of no return?

Women are a lot more likely to have sex with asshole jocks than with well behaved nerds. So, the evidence suggests that attraction is not based (at least not to any significant degree) on good behavior.

[polychromatic]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please don't say wet panties. Gross.

Anyway, I don't agree that's true. If a guy were to be all those good qualities, but dress up in a debonair suit and take me out to a romantic dinner one a month, with flirting and handholding, I'd be good to go. Nothing turns women off like men who just don't try at all and take them for granted. Never stop wooing.

Applies to everyone

You can be the suburban James Bond, but still might not be enough.

To the OP

it is hard.
As one who crossed the line.
You have to be able to ride out the brain chemistry.
Once exposed to rational thought of the real world cheating rarely looks like the best option.*

*results vary with individual.

[Anonymous]

polychromatic wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please don't say wet panties. Gross.

Anyway, I don't agree that's true. If a guy were to be all those good qualities, but dress up in a debonair suit and take me out to a romantic dinner one a month, with flirting and handholding, I'd be good to go. Nothing turns women off like men who just don't try at all and take them for granted. Never stop wooing.

Applies to everyone

You can be the suburban James Bond, but still might not be enough.

To the OP

it is hard.
As one who crossed the line.
You have to be able to ride out the brain chemistry.
Once exposed to rational thought of the real world cheating rarely looks like the best option.*

*results vary with individual.

I like the idea of "riding out brain chemistry."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What do you want to hear? If you cannot stop thinking about this person, you are already cheating. You will have to decide if you marriage is worth fighting for. I hope you do not have any kids.

Sorry, but just because she is thinking of another man sexually does not mean she is cheating on her husband. Every single wife and husband has fantasies about people they work/live around. It's just how it is. I have fantasies about two very attractive bartenders at a local place near me who are very friendly with me. But, that doesn't mean I'm cheating on my wife.

A little over the top there with your response.

[Anonymous]

Nobody has yet stated the obvious:

You HAVE to bang him. After all, he could be your soulmate.

[Anonymous]

interesting point.

[Anonymous]

Go on a solo vacation with DH...get good and drunk and screw like teenagers! At least have a hotel night if you can't go out of town.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So I'm kind of in a rut with my DH whom I love very, very much. At the same time I have been placed in close quarters with a male co-worker who I get along great w. Lack of connection and stimulation at home + close contact and chemistry at work is causing me to get too comfortable with my co-worker and become aroused. I think he likes my company too. I'm not looking to get out of my relationship or stray. I am doing the work to get back on track with DH. How do I stop thinking about this other person sexually and prevent increasing closeness?

Changing work arrangement is not an option and neither is being cold to my co-worker due to the nature of our work. If I could move my office to a different building or change my work team I would, simply to remove these thoughts. I would love to zap it from my brain. Help! I need practical suggestions to right the ship both internally and with my co-worker.

TIA!

I was in your situation, or very similar to it, five years ago. I made the decision to cheat on my husband. I met someone new, and shortly after, I became convinced my husband and I had never been right for each other, had lost our connection, etc, and this new man was my true soul mate. It didn't take long before I was completely emotionally entangled in this affair. It was only recently that I broke off the affair for good.

Getting involved with someone else was the WORST decision I ever made. It harmed my mental health, my physical health because I was so stressed out all the time, and worst of all, it hurt my husband. We are only now starting to recover from the damage I did. Every day I ask myself how I could have been so stupid, thoughtless, and self-centered. Every day I am grateful that I still have my life with my husband. I'm not 100% certain our marriage will survive, and if it fails, it will be all my fault.

It sounds like you love your husband and are just bored-- trust me, you will regret it horribly if you get involved with this co-worker. Do whatever you can to get away from him!