Help me not cheat! (with compassion pretty please)

[Anonymous]

So I'm kind of in a rut with my DH whom I love very, very much. At the same time I have been placed in close quarters with a male co-worker who I get along great w. Lack of connection and stimulation at home + close contact and chemistry at work is causing me to get too comfortable with my co-worker and become aroused. I think he likes my company too. I'm not looking to get out of my relationship or stray. I am doing the work to get back on track with DH. How do I stop thinking about this other person sexually and prevent increasing closeness?

Changing work arrangement is not an option and neither is being cold to my co-worker due to the nature of our work. If I could move my office to a different building or change my work team I would, simply to remove these thoughts. I would love to zap it from my brain. Help! I need practical suggestions to right the ship both internally and with my co-worker.

TIA!

[Anonymous]

What do you want to hear? If you cannot stop thinking about this person, you are already cheating. You will have to decide if you marriage is worth fighting for. I hope you do not have any kids.

[Anonymous]

Umm.... don't cheat. Unless you and your co-worker happen to go to work naked, he trips a falls and his pen!s winds up inside you, it isn't too hard to prevent cheating.

[Anonymous]

Take that chemistry and jump your husband's bones. A crush is just a crush, a reminder you are a sexual human being. Don't do anything with this guy you wouldn't do in front of your husband or a coworker.

[Anonymous]

He probably doesn't want you. Think about that.

[Anonymous]

Think of the children

[Anonymous]

Look for bad points in him that would turn you off sexually.

[Anonymous]

Picture him picking his underwear out of his butt, leaving wet towels on the floor after you've asked him 15 times politely to pick them up and belching.

Therapy and/or a few weekends away with your husband will, hands down, be so much cheaper than any divorce. Invest in your marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Take that chemistry and jump your husband's bones. A crush is just a crush, a reminder you are a sexual human being. Don't do anything with this guy you wouldn't do in front of your husband or a coworker.

[Anonymous]

These are excellent suggestions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Take that chemistry and jump your husband's bones. A crush is just a crush, a reminder you are a sexual human being. Don't do anything with this guy you wouldn't do in front of your husband or a coworker.

Yes! If you wouldn't feel comfortable saying, emailing or texting it in front of your husband, then don't do it. Put pictures of your husband/family on your desk and in your car. Picture him there when you are with this co-worker.

[Anonymous]

The short term external validation and excitement would quickly fade after you cheated, and then what? Take care of yourself, pamper yourself, feel good about you, be romantic with your husband. Be proud of who you are, and don't mistake some random guy possibly wanting to hit it and quit it as something cool and positive. Most humans would bang most other humans, it's not special.

[Anonymous]

I may not be the smartest or brightest but I am no liar or cheater! And, I take comfort by that.

[Anonymous]

Agree with many of the above and would add on to picture all of the things that may be endearing now as annoying in 5-10 years. Every person has their bad points... key is to really imagine what real life would be like with this person. His constant charm now may feel superficial layer or the funny guy ends up being annoying, the super attractive guy ends up whiny. I am just making this up, but you get what I mean.

All that said, at the end of the day you need to make a choice to invest your emotional energy in making it work with your husband. Honesty is a good idea and start with telling him you are struggling to feel connected and want to revive your marriage (skip the part about feeling attracted to your coworker). Oh, and start talking a lot about your husband and kids to your coworker with only positive stories. That's a passion killer.

[Anonymous]

OP, in the years to come, you may look on this time as a cross-point in your marriage. You have a decision to make. You either acknowledge that you're an adult who has made vows to another person and act accordingly, or you don't. It's your choice. But be forewarned that there is always a price to pay when one doesn't take the high road.