Help me not cheat! (with compassion pretty please)

[Anonymous]

I think some of you people actually like drama. How many songs have you heard...how many books have you read...how many movies have you seen when people cheat and the shyt turns out just dandy? Exactly - none. Cheating ends in pain, trauma, and drama 10 times out of 10 and yet you ignorant asinine arrogant idiots somehow think that you're somehow immune...you blind bullheaded delusional dimwits somehow come to the crazy conclusion that chaos and calamity will just arbitrarily skip past you; that fate and circumstance will just kindly cancel the order to ruin your life as a result of your selfish and simpleminded behavior.
What idiots.

[Anonymous]

what attracts you to the coworker? has he given you any signals?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Umm.... don't cheat. Unless you and your co-worker happen to go to work naked, he trips a falls and his pen!s winds up inside you, it isn't too hard to prevent cheating.

LOL. Agreed. You can control it. Absolutely. It will hurt to walk away or not give in, but it is doable. I have done it too. There were moments of madness and stupidity, but you can get past them.

The fact that you are aware and asking for help means that you will be ok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What do you want to hear? If you cannot stop thinking about this person, you are already cheating. You will have to decide if you marriage is worth fighting for. I hope you do not have any kids.

No cheating is action. Whatever fantasies you have are yours alone to enjoy without guild.

[Anonymous]

make that guilt

[Anonymous]

Do a self assessment - do you think of yourself as someone that has integrity? Do you typically lie, cheat, deceive and betray others? If not, then why do you wnat to become that person?

If you can knowingly and intentionally devastate your husband and risk your marriage ending and you are willing to risk causing your husband and kids emotional pain all for 'chemistry' - you don't really love your husband and your kids aren't much of a priority. Most people who love their families work to protect them, not knowingly take actions that harm them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you want to hear? If you cannot stop thinking about this person, you are already cheating. You will have to decide if you marriage is worth fighting for. I hope you do not have any kids.

No cheating is action. Whatever fantasies you have are yours alone to enjoy without guild.

I would agree except that fantasizing about the guy feeds it. Gotta fantasize about someone not in daily contact, or just dh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The short term external validation and excitement would quickly fade after you cheated, and then what? Take care of yourself, pamper yourself, feel good about you, be romantic with your husband. Be proud of who you are, and don't mistake some random guy possibly wanting to hit it and quit it as something cool and positive. Most humans would bang most other humans, it's not special.

Best advice yet on DCUM! Kudos!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The short term external validation and excitement would quickly fade after you cheated, and then what? Take care of yourself, pamper yourself, feel good about you, be romantic with your husband. Be proud of who you are, and don't mistake some random guy possibly wanting to hit it and quit it as something cool and positive. Most humans would bang most other humans, it's not special.

Best advice yet on DCUM! Kudos!

Thanks, I hope to be helpful. In a more immature time (bf, not husband) I had a similar dilemma, and chose not to cheat. Cheating is usually a very ineffective band-aid for something deeper. I'm glad I arrived at the right decision, and decided to look within for the reasons I was feeling like that. I hope OP does, too. As a side note, with the benefit of time, I can see that the guy I had a crush on would be totally wrong for me and has huge problems anyway, and my issues would have remained constant.

[Anonymous]

I'd go for it if I were you. Life is too short to pass up an opportunity for this kind of excitement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Take that chemistry and jump your husband's bones. A crush is just a crush, a reminder you are a sexual human being. Don't do anything with this guy you wouldn't do in front of your husband or a coworker.

This. Totally normal to feel this way.

[Anonymous]

What if you told your husband you're having these feelings, without specifying who the feelings are for, and let him know that you need a little extra attention/fun/romance with him? I guess it depends on the type of personality your husband has, as far as whether he'd react by stepping up his game and helping you put some zing back into your life together, or whether he'd be miserable and make you miserable over it. In any case, sharing this with your husband would take out a big chunk of the clandestine element that makes the feelings that much more exciting. And he's on alert.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What if you told your husband you're having these feelings, without specifying who the feelings are for, and let him know that you need a little extra attention/fun/romance with him? I guess it depends on the type of personality your husband has, as far as whether he'd react by stepping up his game and helping you put some zing back into your life together, or whether he'd be miserable and make you miserable over it. In any case, sharing this with your husband would take out a big chunk of the clandestine element that makes the feelings that much more exciting. And he's on alert.

Also, excellent advise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Take that chemistry and jump your husband's bones. A crush is just a crush, a reminder you are a sexual human being. Don't do anything with this guy you wouldn't do in front of your husband or a coworker.

Done and done.

-OP

[Anonymous]

Visualize your coworker bald, fat, and taking a shit.