My in laws just told my husband that we have to take DD to church to show her off
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Anonymous
No, it was a command. |
Anonymous
I'm curious what you mean by this. I'm protestant, but I used to work in a group home with several Catholic residents so I've attended a lot of Catholic services, and the socialization seemed very similar on a regular Sunday. I would imagine that the social aspects of a Christmas service would be the same. You get there early because the seats fill up, and talk with the people around you. You see someone across the church, and ask your neighbor or husband to save a seat, while you take the baby over, show her off a little, ooh and ahh over their toddler (again, there's plenty of time because you got there 30 minutes early to get a seat), or one parent takes the kids to the church hall to play before the music starts, and you have a chance to see all the other parents of little kids doing the same thing. After the service, you stand around for a few minutes, and hug your friends, wish them a Merry Christmas, ask the little ones if they're excited about Santa, tell the middle sized ones they sung beautifully in the choir, or they made lovely shepherds in the nativity scene. And then you go home. Wouldn't a Catholic service be similar? Do those |
Anonymous
I think that you and I have different definitions for the word "selfish." |
Anonymous
No. Before a Catholic Mass parishoners are not supposed to talk or visit. The standard practice when you enter the church is to cross yourself, go quietly to your seat, kneal in prayer or sit in quiet reflection. It would be considered very improper to walk around or visit inside the church before Mass, even at Crhistmas Mass. Once you walk in and cross yourself, the prayer time begins. |
Anonymous
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Also, catbolic Christmas Mass is just that, Mass.
It is the same Mass you go to every day of the week. There will be Christmas songs and readi gs, but the structure is identical to every other Mass given throughout the year. |
Anonymous
| Why don't you suggest the inlaws take your baby to church with them (and you stay home and get some "alone time")? |
Anonymous
They want you to go to the service because it's rude to show up say hello and then leave without cause. I'm sure you can grasp how judgmental it comes across, to not stay for the service. It's the same as telling a friend you will only go to their wedding reception but not service because it takes place in a church / temple. It's ok not to share your inlaws religious beliefs - they aren't trying to convert you! Babies cry no big deal, if she becomes fussy you then leave not before hand. |
Anonymous
Why does OP and the baby have to sit through the entire Mass? The baby and OP will probably spend most of the time in the cry room anyway. OP and her DH can take the baby to show her off after the Mass. |
Anonymous
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OP, look at things in a different light.
You might feel you are being gracious by offering to come hang out before or after the service so that they can introduce your child to their church family. But based off common ettiquit surrounding Christmas Mass or Protestant services, that behavior would be considered very weird and unusual, and would likely feel to your inlaws feel like they were drawing unnecessary and conspicuous attention to themselves (I know, a big contradiction considering that attention is why they want thier grandchild there in the first place.) No one, and I mean no one, just shows up before or after and leaves. That would be very strange and you would be better not going at all. We do not have family around, so we are always on our own at Christmas. But we do attend church regularly. At Christmas mass, the pews aee filled with families. We see all the regulars, who are usually on their own, sitting in a pew filled from end to end, with their teens and college kids who come from this one day each year, older married kids and the inlaws (often not practicing or Christian as they usually just sit politely instead of participating, knealing, etc.) And grandkids, some familiar with Mass, most not, and some too little to care. All of these old folks who are usually alone each week are just beaming with pride at having their family with them that day. It is not about converting or imposing beliefs on unwilling dils, it is about having thier lived ones together with them in a place that is so important to them. Attendance of your daughter is a wonderful gift you can give your inlaws, even if you stay home and your husband goes. Some day 20+years down the road, you might be the one where everything important to you is being rejected by the baby you are holding now. Teaching her from the beginning to respect family traditions is a wonderful lesson you can give her now that will pay off dividends to you decades in the future. |
Anonymous
| As someone who takes their kids to church every week, taking a 6 month old is a breeze. She is only six months and it is only one baby!!!!! She is not a rambuctious two your old who can;t sit still. No cheerios, coloring books or matchbox cars dropping on the floor. She will likely be in the infant carrier or held by your ILs the whole time. Please, this is an hour of your life. Even if you are not Christian, think of the joy this one hour of your life will give your mother-in-law. |
Anonymous
Because, on some level, it would embarrass them in front of their super religious friends that their son and daughter in law don't want to attend Christmas service. That, and they probably want to share their faith with their new grand baby. I'm not saying I agree with their motives, but I think that's what's a play here. I grew up in a super Catholic family and I am in no way religious. I have a great relationship with my parents, but I think they're kind of ashamed of the fact that my kids aren't baptized, etc. |
Anonymous
Not for Christmas services. That is about family traditions and family being together, not about converting grandkids and unwilling DILs. |
Anonymous
Cradle Catholic here, and all I can say is hahahahahahahaha. Especially at the holidays. |
Anonymous
My husband is an atheist, and he goes to Christmas services with his parents every year without complaint, because he knows how much it means to his mother. It really is a gift he gives her. |
Anonymous
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NP here.
OP--it's about respect. You want them to respect your boundaries, your family rules, how you care for your child, your schedules, etc. And, yet, you won't give them the respect to fulfill one important desire for them. They have been attending their church for a long time, have seen other families have children and grandchildren, come and introduce them at church, show them off and they would like to do the same. They want one evening at church with their grandchild to show their family pride to their community. They are not asking you to convert, they are not trying to introduce religion to your child (she won't understand), but they are trying to be a part of their community and show off their child. Yes, it would be nice to be able to show up at the beginning or end for just the social aspects, but that gives short shrift to the church service which means a lot to them. Having their family including son and grandchild, and preferably daughter-in-law (but that's less important) with them means that they are sharing and important event with their community and including their family as a part of it. I'm not religious, but I know from my various friends of several religions that the inclusiveness of having your family at special high holiday events is important, even if the family does not participate in the day-to-day religious practices. So, having family for Christmas Mass, Easter Mass, Passover Seder, Rosh Hashana, Yom Kippur Breakfast, Eid Breaking of the Fast, Chinese New Year festivals, and many other such events is a very important part of these communities. Show them respect by allowing them or your husband to bring the child for the full service for them so that they'll give you respect for things that are important to you in return. If you don't, then you should have no complaint when they likewise do not respect what's important to you later. That old Golden Rule thing. |