DD does not want an exchange student to come

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Jesus, people, who makes the rules in your houses? The petulant teenagers? You'd cancel, really, because your kid pitched a fit? Your kid who has taken advantage of someone else's hospitality to the benefit of her own college applications??

I smell another "affluenza" defense coming.

Seriously.

As a teen, my parents hosted multiple exchange students. If I had EVER "pitched a fit" about it, the results would have been
1) a HARD smack, to the point of injury (yes, it happened before with other things)
2) Screaming and yelling about how since I didn't pay the mortgage, it was not my house and therefore I had no say in what happens.

I simply can not fathom the idea that a kid rules the roost in the way that some of the PPs are suggesting they should.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Jesus, people, who makes the rules in your houses? The petulant teenagers? You'd cancel, really, because your kid pitched a fit? Your kid who has taken advantage of someone else's hospitality to the benefit of her own college applications??

I smell another "affluenza" defense coming.

Seriously.

As a teen, my parents hosted multiple exchange students. If I had EVER "pitched a fit" about it, the results would have been
1) a HARD smack, to the point of injury (yes, it happened before with other things)
2) Screaming and yelling about how since I didn't pay the mortgage, it was not my house and therefore I had no say in what happens.

I simply can not fathom the idea that a kid rules the roost in the way that some of the PPs are suggesting they should.

IOW, when you acted badly as a child, instead of modeling better behavior, your parents acted even worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would rescind.

I think it was inappropriate that you would agree to that without discussing it with the family.

Having a stranger live with you is a big deal, and it will impact your teenager greatly. If you want your teenager to be a responsible adult, you should give her the courtesy of discussing big things like this with her.

For a week? Two dinners at home, the rest of the time off with a group? Good grief, this is a non-issue.

+1. Your daughter will be fine.

Agreed. Also, if she has done this kind of program before, why does she think she shouldn't have to 'give back'? Good way to frame the offer, you are reciprocating because its the right thing to do.

Well said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Jesus, people, who makes the rules in your houses? The petulant teenagers? You'd cancel, really, because your kid pitched a fit? Your kid who has taken advantage of someone else's hospitality to the benefit of her own college applications??

I smell another "affluenza" defense coming.

Seriously.

As a teen, my parents hosted multiple exchange students. If I had EVER "pitched a fit" about it, the results would have been
1) a HARD smack, to the point of injury (yes, it happened before with other things)
2) Screaming and yelling about how since I didn't pay the mortgage, it was not my house and therefore I had no say in what happens.

I simply can not fathom the idea that a kid rules the roost in the way that some of the PPs are suggesting they should.

So you recommend the OP injure her teenager for being uncomfortable with the idea and complaining?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Jesus, people, who makes the rules in your houses? The petulant teenagers? You'd cancel, really, because your kid pitched a fit? Your kid who has taken advantage of someone else's hospitality to the benefit of her own college applications??

I smell another "affluenza" defense coming.

Seriously.

As a teen, my parents hosted multiple exchange students. If I had EVER "pitched a fit" about it, the results would have been
1) a HARD smack, to the point of injury (yes, it happened before with other things)
2) Screaming and yelling about how since I didn't pay the mortgage, it was not my house and therefore I had no say in what happens.

I simply can not fathom the idea that a kid rules the roost in the way that some of the PPs are suggesting they should.

So you recommend the OP injure her teenager for being uncomfortable with the idea and complaining?

No, I don't recommend injuring anyone--but it's completely bizarre to me that so many of the posters here seem to think that a CHILD has more say in what occurs in the house than the ADULT who provides it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Jesus, people, who makes the rules in your houses? The petulant teenagers? You'd cancel, really, because your kid pitched a fit? Your kid who has taken advantage of someone else's hospitality to the benefit of her own college applications??

I smell another "affluenza" defense coming.

Seriously.

As a teen, my parents hosted multiple exchange students. If I had EVER "pitched a fit" about it, the results would have been
1) a HARD smack, to the point of injury (yes, it happened before with other things)
2) Screaming and yelling about how since I didn't pay the mortgage, it was not my house and therefore I had no say in what happens.

I simply can not fathom the idea that a kid rules the roost in the way that some of the PPs are suggesting they should.

So you recommend the OP injure her teenager for being uncomfortable with the idea and complaining?

No, I don't recommend injuring anyone--but it's completely bizarre to me that so many of the posters here seem to think that a CHILD has more say in what occurs in the house than the ADULT who provides it.

Hmm. To each his own. I do have the final say, but I absolutely value, listen and act on my kids' opinions and thoughts, and if they are truly uncomfortable with something, I reconsider. I think kids who grow up having their voices be heard fare far better than the ones whose parents don't care and don't listen.

[Anonymous]

sounds like how I would've reacted as a teenager. personally, that reaction would have been caused by anxiety and feeling a lack of control in the situation (which creates more anxiety and panic). hope everything works out, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I volunteered at my DDs (HS Junior) school to have a foreign excange student spend a week with us. This would entail transportation, and maybe one or two nights for dinner at our home, the rest of the time will be spent with a group. I volunteered because my daughter was an exchange student last year and I thought it would be good to return the favor, and my DD is studying the language. Well my DD went nuts, demanded that I rescind the invitation, said she was too busy at school to accomodate the visitor, why would I do this when I work, she cant stay in my room, etc. Can you understand this reaction? DD is a bit of an introvert, and we live in a small townhome (compared to the vast homes of her friends), but I thought the student might appreciate that the location is close in. But the DD reaction was over the top, should I wait for her to get used to the idea, or just cancel with the school? The student won't arrive till early spring.

I would be more sympathetic if your daughter was not an exchange student herself last year. She needs a lesson in being less selfish. I am sure her host family was busy as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I teach HS. The biggest thing I've learned about teenagers in this role is that they think ENTIRELY about themselves, no matter how sweet / wonderful / smart / lovely they otherwise are. Sounds like this girl is concerned about

-her social life
-her academic life
-sharing her stuff
-sharing her house
-sharing her family

It's only a week. She needs a little perspective. She needs to be reminded that there has to be give and take in life. Teenagers do a lot of taking. Time for a little giving. And she needs to know up front that she needs to be gracious about it, lest she embarrass her mother.

+1. The purpose of these exchanges is obviously to provide a learning experience for the host as well as the guest. Even if this week is incredibly difficult for the OP's daughter ( which may be exaggerated a bit?), it will likely result in some personal growth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I volunteered at my DDs (HS Junior) school to have a foreign excange student spend a week with us. This would entail transportation, and maybe one or two nights for dinner at our home, the rest of the time will be spent with a group. I volunteered because my daughter was an exchange student last year and I thought it would be good to return the favor, and my DD is studying the language. Well my DD went nuts, demanded that I rescind the invitation, said she was too busy at school to accomodate the visitor, why would I do this when I work, she cant stay in my room, etc. Can you understand this reaction? DD is a bit of an introvert, and we live in a small townhome (compared to the vast homes of her friends), but I thought the student might appreciate that the location is close in. But the DD reaction was over the top, should I wait for her to get used to the idea, or just cancel with the school? The student won't arrive till early spring.

I would be more sympathetic if your daughter was not an exchange student herself last year. She needs a lesson in being less selfish. I am sure her host family was busy as well.

This!

The exchange family I'm sure was busy, their child had school, activities and so forth but they still took your daughter in.
Your daughter maybe be busy in her mind but it's only a week.

[Anonymous]

Transportation, a place to stay and 2 nights of dinner in return for your daughter having taken the same from another family? Your daughter is a brat. Do not cancel. She can go stay with a friend if sharing her space is that loathesome. I would also make her fend for herself a lot more afterwards too! Sounds like she needs a strong lesson in gratitude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Jesus, people, who makes the rules in your houses? The petulant teenagers? You'd cancel, really, because your kid pitched a fit? Your kid who has taken advantage of someone else's hospitality to the benefit of her own college applications??

I smell another "affluenza" defense coming.

Seriously.

As a teen, my parents hosted multiple exchange students. If I had EVER "pitched a fit" about it, the results would have been
1) a HARD smack, to the point of injury (yes, it happened before with other things)
2) Screaming and yelling about how since I didn't pay the mortgage, it was not my house and therefore I had no say in what happens.

I simply can not fathom the idea that a kid rules the roost in the way that some of the PPs are suggesting they should.

So you recommend the OP injure her teenager for being uncomfortable with the idea and complaining?

No, I don't recommend injuring anyone--but it's completely bizarre to me that so many of the posters here seem to think that a CHILD has more say in what occurs in the house than the ADULT who provides it.

What many people are advocating here (me included) is that the child's opinion should be heard and her concerns addressed to the extent possible--because this is the proper way to treat people--and then the adult/owner of the home should make the final determination of what is going to happen. In this case, the "right" thing to do is to give back by hosting a student, and of course the offer has already been extended so shouldn't be revoked except due to emergency circumstances (e.g., family illness). Knowing what the right thing to do is, and knowing that you will act in that way, does not preclude a parent from listening to the concerns of her children and helping to address them to the extent possible. No one needs to scream or hit and no one needs to shame or belittle this teen in order for the ADULT to make a final ruling.

[Anonymous]

I agree with 10:39. My children do not dictate to me whom I may invite to our home. For one week your daughter can behave and welcome student or the s--t would hit the fan.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I volunteered at my DDs (HS Junior) school to have a foreign excange student spend a week with us. This would entail transportation, and maybe one or two nights for dinner at our home, the rest of the time will be spent with a group. I volunteered because my daughter was an exchange student last year and I thought it would be good to return the favor, and my DD is studying the language. Well my DD went nuts, demanded that I rescind the invitation, said she was too busy at school to accomodate the visitor, why would I do this when I work, she cant stay in my room, etc. Can you understand this reaction? DD is a bit of an introvert, and we live in a small townhome (compared to the vast homes of her friends), but I thought the student might appreciate that the location is close in. But the DD reaction was over the top, should I wait for her to get used to the idea, or just cancel with the school? The student won't arrive till early spring.

Your child runs your house?