DD does not want an exchange student to come

[Anonymous]

My mom agreed to host two exchange students when I was in high school for about a month.

I remember being annoyed that she did not discuss it with me, and I also remember not wanting them come. I did not pitch a fit about it, but I did express that She should've discussed it with me first and I said I would rather not do it, but understood she cannot back out.

I think for me it was partially a social anxiety issue. I wasn't socially anxious, but I was not super socially skilled, I wasn't super popular in school, and I think I was worried about how I would entertain them for a month. I think I did not want other teenagers living with me and seeing that I did not have the most exciting social life. I also had a lot of activities and tons of schoolwork, and worried about how I was going to get that done.

[Anonymous]

Mom should explain the deal, as not to cause misperceptioms for her child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom agreed to host two exchange students when I was in high school for about a month.

I remember being annoyed that she did not discuss it with me, and I also remember not wanting them come. I did not pitch a fit about it, but I did express that She should've discussed it with me first and I said I would rather not do it, but understood she cannot back out.

I think for me it was partially a social anxiety issue. I wasn't socially anxious, but I was not super socially skilled, I wasn't super popular in school, and I think I was worried about how I would entertain them for a month. I think I did not want other teenagers living with me and seeing that I did not have the most exciting social life. I also had a lot of activities and tons of schoolwork, and worried about how I was going to get that done.

When all was said and done, how did it work out?

[Anonymous]

I think you stick to your guns that it is happening but that your daughter hears that you acknowledge her concerns and that you will work together to make sure that all the entertaining doesn't fall on her. You can negotiated details. For example if she wouldn't be comfortable at all having the student in her room then her other option is that you sleep in her room and the student gets your bedroom. Where does your DS sleep when he is home from college?

Living in a town house is perfectly fine. Your daughter does sound a bit entitled but it could also just be that she is very stressed out and doesn't feel that she can handle anything else on top of what she already has on her plate. If that is the case then you need to talk about that,living that close to the edge of what you can handle isn't healthy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom agreed to host two exchange students when I was in high school for about a month.

I remember being annoyed that she did not discuss it with me, and I also remember not wanting them come. I did not pitch a fit about it, but I did express that She should've discussed it with me first and I said I would rather not do it, but understood she cannot back out.

I think for me it was partially a social anxiety issue. I wasn't socially anxious, but I was not super socially skilled, I wasn't super popular in school, and I think I was worried about how I would entertain them for a month. I think I did not want other teenagers living with me and seeing that I did not have the most exciting social life. I also had a lot of activities and tons of schoolwork, and worried about how I was going to get that done.

When all was said and done, how did it work out?

It was fine. I learned a few things about their country. The funniest part was that we were going to all this effort to cook great meals for them and about two thirds of the way we realized that they preferred going to McDonald's because it was a novelty for them.

Having two instead of one has pros and cons. It means that they wind up talking to each other a lot, which was fine for me, but could make the host student feel excluded or awkward.

In retrospect it seems silly that I was worried about entertaining them. I'm sure going to movies, shopping, fast food restaurants, with just the three of us was fine with them. I just felt like I should have some great group of friends that I was going out with and bring them along with, instead of just me. But in retrospect I'm sure they didn't care.

[Anonymous]

I think I would try to remain calm but resolved.

People don't like to have things sprung on them, and this apparently seems like a big deal to your daughter. I don't think her pitching a fit about it indicates a sense of entitlement. It could just indicate that she doesn't like surprises, is anxious about the prospect of socializing with strangers that can't be escaped for an entire week, or whatever.

However, I think it is right and reasonable to expect to "give back" since she was the beneficiary of someone else's hospitality, and I also think you have committed to this and you need to demonstrate the importance of keeping your word.

So I would try to remain calm in the face of her fury, make lots of sympathetic noises about her plight, try to reassure her that you will do whatever is necessary to reduce the burden on her....

and I would simultaneously calmly make it clear that this is happening, that in fact it is really incumbent upon your family to make this happen since DD was the beneficiary of someone else's hospitality, and this is just the way that it is, and it's only a short period of time and everyone will get through it.

Rinse, repeat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom agreed to host two exchange students when I was in high school for about a month.

I remember being annoyed that she did not discuss it with me, and I also remember not wanting them come. I did not pitch a fit about it, but I did express that She should've discussed it with me first and I said I would rather not do it, but understood she cannot back out.

I think for me it was partially a social anxiety issue. I wasn't socially anxious, but I was not super socially skilled, I wasn't super popular in school, and I think I was worried about how I would entertain them for a month. I think I did not want other teenagers living with me and seeing that I did not have the most exciting social life. I also had a lot of activities and tons of schoolwork, and worried about how I was going to get that done.

When all was said and done, how did it work out?

It was fine. I learned a few things about their country. The funniest part was that we were going to all this effort to cook great meals for them and about two thirds of the way we realized that they preferred going to McDonald's because it was a novelty for them.

Having two instead of one has pros and cons. It means that they wind up talking to each other a lot, which was fine for me, but could make the host student feel excluded or awkward.

In retrospect it seems silly that I was worried about entertaining them. I'm sure going to movies, shopping, fast food restaurants, with just the three of us was fine with them. I just felt like I should have some great group of friends that I was going out with and bring them along with, instead of just me. But in retrospect I'm sure they didn't care.

That is funny! Glad to hear it worked out. I suspect it will for OP's kid, too.

[Anonymous]

How long has your older child been in college?

Is it possible that she was counting on this year being just the two of you? Or she's still getting used to it being just the two of you?

I think that adding an exchange student to a family of 5 is different from adding an exchange student to a daughter and single mom.

[Anonymous]

It's a week. She needs to grow up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would rescind.

I think it was inappropriate that you would agree to that without discussing it with the family.

Having a stranger live with you is a big deal, and it will impact your teenager greatly. If you want your teenager to be a responsible adult, you should give her the courtesy of discussing big things like this with her.

For a week? Two dinners at home, the rest of the time off with a group? Good grief, this is a non-issue.

+1. Your daughter will be fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would rescind.

I think it was inappropriate that you would agree to that without discussing it with the family.

Having a stranger live with you is a big deal, and it will impact your teenager greatly. If you want your teenager to be a responsible adult, you should give her the courtesy of discussing big things like this with her.

For a week? Two dinners at home, the rest of the time off with a group? Good grief, this is a non-issue.

+1. Your daughter will be fine.

Agreed. Also, if she has done this kind of program before, why does she think she shouldn't have to 'give back'? Good way to frame the offer, you are reciprocating because its the right thing to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Say you just got a picture of the student and he seems so nice, but if you do not feel like he will fit in...

He can stay at my house.

[Anonymous]

Typical close-minded American! USA! USA! USA! 'Merca! Fuck Yeah!

...

Exposure to other cultures and languages is perhaps the best education one could ever receive.

[Anonymous]

I would cancel it because I wouldn't want to keep a child in my home that would not feel welcomed by all that lives there. How awkward and uncomfortable it would be for that child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Typical close-minded American! USA! USA! USA! 'Merca! Fuck Yeah!

...

Exposure to other cultures and languages is perhaps the best education one could ever receive.

Wow, this is igorant. It has nothing to do with not wanting exposure to other cultures and languages or bigotry, it's about a teenager feeling apprehensive about a stranger living with her family.