DD does not want an exchange student to come
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
| I volunteered at my DDs (HS Junior) school to have a foreign excange student spend a week with us. This would entail transportation, and maybe one or two nights for dinner at our home, the rest of the time will be spent with a group. I volunteered because my daughter was an exchange student last year and I thought it would be good to return the favor, and my DD is studying the language. Well my DD went nuts, demanded that I rescind the invitation, said she was too busy at school to accomodate the visitor, why would I do this when I work, she cant stay in my room, etc. Can you understand this reaction? DD is a bit of an introvert, and we live in a small townhome (compared to the vast homes of her friends), but I thought the student might appreciate that the location is close in. But the DD reaction was over the top, should I wait for her to get used to the idea, or just cancel with the school? The student won't arrive till early spring. |
Anonymous
| Although, as an introvert myself, I can understand her reluctance to share her space, as a fellow parent of a HS junior, I'd be inclined to tell her to get over herself. It's only a week, and she might actually enjoy it once the student gets here. |
Anonymous
| I would probably cancel |
Anonymous
|
A week?
Your child sounds like an entitled rich kid. Proceed with your plan. |
Anonymous
|
Did you really agree to have an exchange student without discussing it with the family first. I find that odd.
That being said we have had exchange students for 1 month + and my introverted son hates it but he needs to get over it. The world does not revolve around him. He does not have to spend every minute with the person but he can't be rude either. So you should appologize for not discussing it with her first and then tell her to get over it. |
Anonymous
|
At our school in order to be an exchange student you have to also host.
(I'm also assuming you aren't a hoarder, crazy cat lady, nudist or other non-normal thing - other than just normal teenager embarrassment) Does your DD not see the "our turn" aspect of it? How was your DD experience as an exchange student? |
Anonymous
| You can't rescind so she will have to deal. I understand teens not wanting to share space with a stranger. Mine wouldn't. |
Anonymous
This. You should have consulted first (but she also should not have final say or veto power). I would tell her that I was wrong not to discuss it before committing, since it does involve the whole household, BUT now there is a student her own age, like her, who is depending on your family's hospitality for just one week, most of which will be spent away from your house. Rather than using the harsher "get over yourself" I'd tell her it's now a done deal because it will be difficult to find another host family (which is probably entirely true) and would try to engage her in preparing for the student when the time comes. Also, remind her that she was able to do an exchange because of another family's kindness, and it's right to pay back that kindness and give someone else the same opportunity she was given. Did she have some bad experience on her exchange? Is there something you don't know about it, maybe friction with her host family that she hasn't ever discussed? I would wonder about that if her response is unusually virulent. Also, she may indeed feel overwhelmed at school and think she's going to have to entertain this "guest" at a time when she has a lot of work due; can you and the program director for the school let her know that she's not expected to be a super-hostess the entire week or provide fun all the time. I was an exhchange student for two months and it was thanks to the |
Anonymous
| Junior year is very hard. I would have asked her first. |
Anonymous
|
PP here, sorry, DCUM crashes when I try to reply.
I was an exchange student for two months in a private home and it was a wonderful experience made possible by a family's openness. They too were paying back, because their son was going to come to the U.S. for a full year later. It's only through the participation of families like yours that exchanges can happen. Do encourage your daughter to see it positively, and maybe gently delve into why she's really so resistant. I know my kid gets very wound up over anything that interferes with her very busy school schedule so that may be a real issue for your daughter, or she might have some issues from her own exchange you need to know about (another thought -- maybe her host family was super-active with her when she was there and she thinks she has to do the same for this student). |
Anonymous
|
OP
Mentioned my intention to her last year. Single mom, just DD at home, DS at college. No crazy behaviors, if so I'll play it down for a week. Are we really not good enough? I have seen how people live in other countries? Thought it might be a good opp to show her how to be gracious. I get the entitled spoiled brat reaction, but I was concerned there might be more to it. |
Anonymous
| Your daughter sounds spoiled. Then again, you sound inconsiderate. Why didn't you discuss this with her sooner? |
Anonymous
Say you just got a picture of the student and he seems so nice, but if you do not feel like he will fit in...
|
Anonymous
|
I would rescind.
I think it was inappropriate that you would agree to that without discussing it with the family. Having a stranger live with you is a big deal, and it will impact your teenager greatly. If you want your teenager to be a responsible adult, you should give her the courtesy of discussing big things like this with her. |
Anonymous
For a week? Two dinners at home, the rest of the time off with a group? Good grief, this is a non-issue. |