Tell wife of plans for divorce?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you reconcile be sure to have her sign an agreement for her appearance, sex frequency and other items that were in conflict

Holy shit. Did someone actually like you enough to marry you? If I were married to you I'd be fat too, and I certainly wouldn't want to hit that.

[Anonymous]

BTW: I asked my lawyer to demand a drug test on the day I was served. Let's just say I got full custody.

Watch out who you mess with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you reconcile be sure to have her sign an agreement for her appearance, sex frequency and other items that were in conflict

Holy shit. Did someone actually like you enough to marry you? If I were married to you I'd be fat too, and I certainly wouldn't want to hit that.

Amen!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - Don't count on the regular sex thing.

+1

+2

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: I am the PP you are responding to.

I had a much worse scene with a live-in GF years later, which involved the fleeing on foot (from my own home that I owned) in a rainstorm to a friend's house a couple of miles away.
OP - be prepared. Have a place to land and a suitcase of clothing. Just in case.

Jesus, why do you think it is that your relationships all end in nuclear meltdown fashion?

They don't - my first wife and I are on fine terms now. I wasn't a dick in the divorce and the settlement was very generous. I also didn't have an axe to grind. We get along quite well now. My point was this: no matter how good your "communication" yadda-yadda, there's a decent chance that someone fresh off the pain of an ending they didn't want to end - my ex did not want nor expect a divorce - will react very emotionally and badly. I've had other breakups that weren't bad.

That said: I've made some bad choices of partners and not always handled my end well either.

[Anonymous]

"An amicable divorce requires both parties to work together towards the shared goal.

Your entire premise ("should I tell my wife") undermines that from the very start."

Not true. I had a very amicable divorce, but I planned ahead for months before. I made lists of all the assets and made sure I knew how to access (and stop the access) of them. I consulted with several lawyers so I had an excellent idea of my best and worst case scenarios in terms of division of assets, etc. I then came up with several scenarios of what what I would offer during settlement discussions. I researched apartments in case I had to move out of the house. And I saw a therapist to get emotional support, and told several friends as well.

It was only after I'd done all this that I picked a good time to tell my ex, who still doesn't know that I did all this ahead of time. We then worked out a settlement that was in my best interest, and I was able to move on as best as possible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"An amicable divorce requires both parties to work together towards the shared goal.

Your entire premise ("should I tell my wife") undermines that from the very start."

Not true. I had a very amicable divorce, but I planned ahead for months before. I made lists of all the assets and made sure I knew how to access (and stop the access) of them. I consulted with several lawyers so I had an excellent idea of my best and worst case scenarios in terms of division of assets, etc. I then came up with several scenarios of what what I would offer during settlement discussions. I researched apartments in case I had to move out of the house. And I saw a therapist to get emotional support, and told several friends as well.

It was only after I'd done all this that I picked a good time to tell my ex, who still doesn't know that I did all this ahead of time. We then worked out a settlement that was in my best interest, and I was able to move on as best as possible.

Please do us a favor and never get married again. You are a loser.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, definitely good advice to have plans in place. I found that discussing the possibility of divorce with my ex was one thing - this was a rational and mature (if sad) conversation. Actually setting it in motion, on the other hand, was a totally different scene. My ex went from zero to physically threatening me in about 14 seconds, and I had to run out to a friend's house with only the clothes on my back and my cell phone. In time, he came to terms and the divorce was, in the end, amicable. So it was okay. But we certainly couldn't have stayed under the same roof after the decision was made.

I am the PP you are responding to.

There was no talking about it or discussing it in the abstract possible with my EX, and certainly not saying I wanted a divorce. Yes, the change was instant. I told her calmly, sitting on a sofa in our family room (no kids) and she didn't believe me at first. We'd been going to counseling for over a year and our marriage had been toast for three at least. It really should not have been a surprise, though we had been married for a long time.

Although the delivery was calm, she was screaming at me and chasing me out, right then and there. I left my home within about ten minutes, and never spent another night there. I've been back as a 'guest' but only briefly.

I had a much worse scene with a live-in GF years later, which involved the fleeing on foot (from my own home that I owned) in a rainstorm to a friend's house a couple of miles away.
OP - be prepared. Have a place to land and a suitcase of clothing. Just in case.

Jesus, why do you think it is that your relationships all end in nuclear meltdown fashion?

+1 the commonality is PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"An amicable divorce requires both parties to work together towards the shared goal.

Your entire premise ("should I tell my wife") undermines that from the very start."

Not true. I had a very amicable divorce, but I planned ahead for months before. I made lists of all the assets and made sure I knew how to access (and stop the access) of them. I consulted with several lawyers so I had an excellent idea of my best and worst case scenarios in terms of division of assets, etc. I then came up with several scenarios of what what I would offer during settlement discussions. I researched apartments in case I had to move out of the house. And I saw a therapist to get emotional support, and told several friends as well.

It was only after I'd done all this that I picked a good time to tell my ex, who still doesn't know that I did all this ahead of time. We then worked out a settlement that was in my best interest, and I was able to move on as best as possible.

Please do us a favor and never get married again. You are a loser.

god forbid a man takes action to protect himself and be thoughtful in a legal dispute instead of throwing himself at the mercy of his STBX and the courts!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you reconcile be sure to have her sign an agreement for her appearance, sex frequency and other items that were in conflict

Holy shit. Did someone actually like you enough to marry you? If I were married to you I'd be fat too, and I certainly wouldn't want to hit that.

http://m.nydailynews.com/1.1362310

[Anonymous]

She won't get the kids.Share custody all the way.Whoever said that watches too much tv.

[Anonymous]

Go to an divorce attorney for proper advice. The attorney will help you get prepared and advise you on how and when to give notice to your wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you reconcile be sure to have her sign an agreement for her appearance, sex frequency and other items that were in conflict

How are things in the Middle East?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Jesus, why do you think it is that your relationships all end in nuclear meltdown fashion?

+1 the commonality is PP.

Hahaha..whatever! Yes, I was a common factor in those two relationships - as I said, I didn't always choose partners wisely. Once I stopped being drawn in by drama queens and insecure women, I started leading a drama free life. I'm now married to a wonderful woman and we have disagreements but no more "fights".

Not all of my relationships ended dramatically, but one of those did. You are kidding yourself if you think lots of otherwise perfectly normal and healthy people - men and women - don't succumb to anger and lashing out - your so-called "nuclear meltdown" - when they are told they're being dumped. Either that or you're one of those drama-laden people who wants to project the blame on the dumper.

My ex-wife was angry for a good six months, and would always want to start a fight - lashing out with very low blows intended to humiliate and enrage me - whenever I saw her. I knew her tender spots too and I just reminded her we could sit around and hurt each other, or move on sensibly. After six months, we were able to negotiate amicably enough - we did not have a contested divorce and paid only one attorney a minimal amount to draw the papers up (like we wasted <$2k total on legal fees) - the better for both of us. I agreed to postpone the final divorce filing for almost three years to ensure she could remain on my insurance coverage (lots of pre-existing conditions). About five years after we split, she told me her friends - our old mutual friends - had told her she needed to stop being angry at me, and that I was a decent guy who had not been evil to her. It was nice to have someone stick up for me and it was nice not to have lost those friends - which I'd expected since I was the "bad guy" who'd left. I could easily have been a hard ass with a 50/50 split and I'd have been several hundred thousand dollars to the richer.

My ex-gf is a crazy person - she was abusive both verbally and physically. She is now on her fourth husband, and that one can't get away easily since she finally got pregnant before he could dump her. I feel bad for him, but I'm just relieved she will never be in my life again. You're right: I was the one who chose to be with her, but that doesn't make me the source of the drama.

[Anonymous]

"Please do us a favor and never get married again. You are a loser."

Why would this make me a "loser" who should never marry again???