Tell wife of plans for divorce?

[Anonymous]

I'm PP @ 13:33 - I had made up my mind, spoken to an attorney and waited for the optimal timing to tell my wife I wanted a divorce. The SHTF as soon as I did. You have to be prepared for that, and that is why the planning is necessary - where you will crash, what you do about living expenses, etc. She might take in her stride but you need to have a plan for what to do if it blows up. Even as simple as thinking about where you will sleep (guest room? nearby apt.?) that night.

It took almost five years for ours to turn "amicable", but it now is.

[Anonymous]

OP doesn't necessarily have to move out. They can stay in the same house, unless they're in Maryland, in which case they need to be physically separated for a year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP doesn't necessarily have to move out. They can stay in the same house, unless they're in Maryland, in which case they need to be physically separated for a year.

I wasn't suggesting the law required it - his wife might or he might want to. They might not want to stay under the same roof with each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have yet to mention any good reason why you are even getting divorced. This speaks volumes about you OP. Maybe you'd be doing your wife a favor.

OP here. I wasn't asking for advice on if I should get divorce. I have sought advice elsewhere on that question. I am asking about how.

That sounds like a "no" on giving counseling a serious try before uprooting small kids and turning their lives upside down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP doesn't necessarily have to move out. They can stay in the same house, unless they're in Maryland, in which case they need to be physically separated for a year.

I wasn't suggesting the law required it - his wife might or he might want to. They might not want to stay under the same roof with each other.

Yes, definitely good advice to have plans in place. I found that discussing the possibility of divorce with my ex was one thing - this was a rational and mature (if sad) conversation. Actually setting it in motion, on the other hand, was a totally different scene. My ex went from zero to physically threatening me in about 14 seconds, and I had to run out to a friend's house with only the clothes on my back and my cell phone. In time, he came to terms and the divorce was, in the end, amicable. So it was okay. But we certainly couldn't have stayed under the same roof after the decision was made.

[Anonymous]

Most of the comments here have nothing to do with the original question. They relate to why are you divorcing, why not try counseling, and why do you want to hurt the kids. The question assumes that the other spouse has made the decision (at least internally) and is asking for how that decision should be conveyed and what planning might be appropriate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have yet to mention any good reason why you are even getting divorced. This speaks volumes about you OP. Maybe you'd be doing your wife a favor.

OP here. I wasn't asking for advice on if I should get divorce. I have sought advice elsewhere on that question. I am asking about how.

Yep, I have you pegged. You probably make good money but other than that, you are a total asshole. And your wife, she is probably a gold digger. You two must have made beautiful music together for years. two nasty people. You see, when you are a nasty person, you need to find a co-dependent who will kiss your ass and then you can make more beautiful music together for longer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yep, I have you pegged. You probably make good money but other than that, you are a total asshole. And your wife, she is probably a gold digger. You two must have made beautiful music together for years. two nasty people. You see, when you are a nasty person, you need to find a co-dependent who will kiss your ass and then you can make more beautiful music together for longer.

Whoa! Bitter much? You sound like an angry former spouse who got dumped. Sounds like you think the kids are supposed to be some kind of lever/handle used to tie your spouse to you.

Nice way to go dump a whole load of crap - crap from your own life - that you're projecting onto the OP.

I'm divorced and the child of divorce - in both cases I cannot tell you how much better my life is because of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you reconcile be sure to have her sign an agreement for her appearance, sex frequency and other items that were in conflict

I like how everybody just ignored this guy. What a loser, I presume he is as handsome as a supermodel and crazy fit too. His demands sound so reasonable. It's hard being so perfect, isn't it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you reconcile be sure to have her sign an agreement for her appearance, sex frequency and other items that were in conflict

I like how everybody just ignored this guy. What a loser, I presume he is as handsome as a supermodel and crazy fit too. His demands sound so reasonable. It's hard being so perfect, isn't it?

Why didn't you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, definitely good advice to have plans in place. I found that discussing the possibility of divorce with my ex was one thing - this was a rational and mature (if sad) conversation. Actually setting it in motion, on the other hand, was a totally different scene. My ex went from zero to physically threatening me in about 14 seconds, and I had to run out to a friend's house with only the clothes on my back and my cell phone. In time, he came to terms and the divorce was, in the end, amicable. So it was okay. But we certainly couldn't have stayed under the same roof after the decision was made.

I am the PP you are responding to.

There was no talking about it or discussing it in the abstract possible with my EX, and certainly not saying I wanted a divorce. Yes, the change was instant. I told her calmly, sitting on a sofa in our family room (no kids) and she didn't believe me at first. We'd been going to counseling for over a year and our marriage had been toast for three at least. It really should not have been a surprise, though we had been married for a long time.

Although the delivery was calm, she was screaming at me and chasing me out, right then and there. I left my home within about ten minutes, and never spent another night there. I've been back as a 'guest' but only briefly.

I had a much worse scene with a live-in GF years later, which involved the fleeing on foot (from my own home that I owned) in a rainstorm to a friend's house a couple of miles away.

OP - be prepared. Have a place to land and a suitcase of clothing. Just in case.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have yet to mention any good reason why you are even getting divorced. This speaks volumes about you OP. Maybe you'd be doing your wife a favor.

OP here. I wasn't asking for advice on if I should get divorce. I have sought advice elsewhere on that question. I am asking about how.

Yep, I have you pegged. You probably make good money but other than that, you are a total asshole. And your wife, she is probably a gold digger. You two must have made beautiful music together for years. two nasty people. You see, when you are a nasty person, you need to find a co-dependent who will kiss your ass and then you can make more beautiful music together for longer.

Wow, you need help PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, definitely good advice to have plans in place. I found that discussing the possibility of divorce with my ex was one thing - this was a rational and mature (if sad) conversation. Actually setting it in motion, on the other hand, was a totally different scene. My ex went from zero to physically threatening me in about 14 seconds, and I had to run out to a friend's house with only the clothes on my back and my cell phone. In time, he came to terms and the divorce was, in the end, amicable. So it was okay. But we certainly couldn't have stayed under the same roof after the decision was made.

I am the PP you are responding to.

There was no talking about it or discussing it in the abstract possible with my EX, and certainly not saying I wanted a divorce. Yes, the change was instant. I told her calmly, sitting on a sofa in our family room (no kids) and she didn't believe me at first. We'd been going to counseling for over a year and our marriage had been toast for three at least. It really should not have been a surprise, though we had been married for a long time.

Although the delivery was calm, she was screaming at me and chasing me out, right then and there. I left my home within about ten minutes, and never spent another night there. I've been back as a 'guest' but only briefly.

I had a much worse scene with a live-in GF years later, which involved the fleeing on foot (from my own home that I owned) in a rainstorm to a friend's house a couple of miles away.
OP - be prepared. Have a place to land and a suitcase of clothing. Just in case.

Jesus, why do you think it is that your relationships all end in nuclear meltdown fashion?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have yet to mention any good reason why you are even getting divorced. This speaks volumes about you OP. Maybe you'd be doing your wife a favor.

OP here. I wasn't asking for advice on if I should get divorce. I have sought advice elsewhere on that question. I am asking about how.

Yep, I have you pegged. You probably make good money but other than that, you are a total asshole. And your wife, she is probably a gold digger. You two must have made beautiful music together for years. two nasty people. You see, when you are a nasty person, you need to find a co-dependent who will kiss your ass and then you can make more beautiful music together for longer.

Bitter calling Bitter party of 1...your table is now ready.

[Anonymous]

You can't hide shit. The IRS will come after you. I hired a PI who found a hidden safe.

Nothing, not even cash can be hidden. Watch out to if you did not declare cash from a business. You are screwed.

Good luck!

Ha ha ha