Do women love their kids more than their husbands ?

[Anonymous]

No way for me. I think it is a completely different kind of love, for sure. I feel protective and a need to provide for my son. He is my everything. My husband is my strength. He is my absolute best friend. Don't know what I would do without either one of them, but surely there is no way I love either one more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was talking to a pastor once....He asked me, "If your child was drowning, and your husband (or wife) was drowning, and you are only able to save one, who would you save?" No hesitation, I said my child. He said wrong answer. WTF I thought? He then explained, that your husband/wife would be there for you when you are old, and when your children are gone. We raise our children to be independent and to leave our nest but not our spouse. We made vows before God to provide and protect our spouse. I still don't get it (I am not religious by any means) but just something to think about since it is on topic.

The Pastor sounds like an asshole.

I'd definitely save my kid. If I didn't spouse would never forgive me and I'd never forgive myself.

I'd want DH to save one of our kids over me as well.

This is why we have taught our children how to swim out of a rip current. You can't assume that you can save another person no matter how much you love them. Give them the tools to save themselves..

I agree with this, and yes, I've read your next comment that it's a valid perspective. No, it's not, when he says "wrong answer." It's not up to him to say what the right answer is based on any other feelings but his own. So the heck what that your children are to grow and independent? And somehow implying that god commands you to put your spouse first is creepy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was talking to a pastor once....He asked me, "If your child was drowning, and your husband (or wife) was drowning, and you are only able to save one, who would you save?" No hesitation, I said my child. He said wrong answer. WTF I thought? He then explained, that your husband/wife would be there for you when you are old, and when your children are gone. We raise our children to be independent and to leave our nest but not our spouse. We made vows before God to provide and protect our spouse. I still don't get it (I am not religious by any means) but just something to think about since it is on topic.

The Pastor sounds like an asshole.

I'd definitely save my kid. If I didn't spouse would never forgive me and I'd never forgive myself.

I'd want DH to save one of our kids over me as well.

This is why we have taught our children how to swim out of a rip current. You can't assume that you can save another person no matter how much you love them. Give them the tools to save themselves..

I agree with this, and yes, I've read your next comment that it's a valid perspective. No, it's not, when he says "wrong answer." It's not up to him to say what the right answer is based on any other feelings but his own. So the heck what that your children are to grow and independent? And somehow implying that god commands you to put your spouse first is creepy.

Sorry, I do NOT agree with rip current lady. That is irrelevant and just a way to make you feel better. I remember once my mom said if she had to make space in a life boat for either me or her husband (my stepdad) she'd pick him because I'm a better swimmer. Thanks mom. We don't talk much now.

I do agree with the lady who said the pastor sounds like an asshole.

[Anonymous]

Well, sure she loves the kids more than me. I'm fine with that. What annoys me is that the iPhone and minivan are ahead of me too!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it is definately true
Today, not even three years after our wedding, I woke up in bed alone. Again. My wife, Susan, has slipped out to breast-feed our 2 years -old son, Jackson. Curled up with him on the extra bed in the nursery, she often falls asleep there. Which means she's not coming back to me. I know in my heart that my wife loves me. But could she actually love someone else even more?

At first, I thought, Who could honestly complain about this? A newborn needs and deserves all the attention you can give. In the beginning, I was eager to do every small task to make my wife, to make them, more comfortable, from fetching the bunny blanket to doing diaper duty. But lately, I've been feeling like my role has been reduced to being the family Jeeves. What about my needs?
When I encountered rival suitors during my dating years, I knew my best chance involved removing the other man from the equation. So I invited my wife out to dinner. Alone. Cagily, she professed to look forward to it. "Just us," I think she said. No sooner had we sat down at a nearby trattoria and drawn the napkins across our laps than it became clear there was no "just us," and there might never be again. "Would you call the sitter, see if he's okay?" Susan asked.
"We just left him five minutes ago," I pleaded over the glasses of wine we hadn't yet tasted. "I'm sure he's fine."
"But I miss him," Susan said. I knew there was no reasoning with that. Love is love. Soon after our entries arrived, she confessed that she wanted to get home to tuck him in. I paddleboated the plate of fusilli alla verdura into my mouth to keep up with her pacing, and we dashed home. Alas, alas! He was already asleep, and I made my move. "Let's go to bed," I said, and, after coaxing her there, complimented her lingerie: a nursing bra. "Those snaps in the front are very convenient," I joked. But I knew this convenience had nothing to do with me. Not only has my son taken control of my wife's every thought, he has enforced his presence on every inch of her body

My many friends told me the same thing they are experiencing. What baffled me was not their stories, but how unfazed they were by their emotional abandonment, as if they were, unlike me, resigned to the fact that they could never be as important as the kids. What's more, they warned me that talking about it with my wife would only make things worse, that my feelings of dissatisfaction or loneliness would only be belittled or lampooned. Of course, I had to learn the hard way.

There's no changing it. For the foreseeable future, in my wife's eyes, Jackson comes first. I come second. So who am I miffed at -- Jackson? Of course not. He's just being a toddler, and I love him. Susan? Well, maybe a little.
.
And Maybe over time I'll learn that my situation's not so bad. I begun to take my eyes off .

Sorry for the long post OP but I wanted to share this.
And that TED talk and mri scan are interesting.

You sound like a giant boob. Emotional abandonment? Holy shit. I hope you're trolling. Whaaaaah whaaah, but what about MY needs, said the grownup. Look, your wife is dealing with two toddlers (you and the baby). One of them will grow up and need her less, and then the cycle of life will shift again. Thing is, if you keep mooning about like a deserted and resentful toddler yourself, wife will drop you as she should.
[/ quote]

I think I would get even worse response from my wife if I share my feelings with her. It was just my honest feelings. Why attack me like that ?
Now I couldn't care less about it as I am used to it. Its been 2 years since we had sex. And its getting worse . She don't even want to go for a single date with me anymore. Our son is her whole word and I most definately not a part of her world anymore.

Of coruse I still love them like craZy and that is why I provide for them and help susan in everything I could.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was talking to a pastor once....He asked me, "If your child was drowning, and your husband (or wife) was drowning, and you are only able to save one, who would you save?" No hesitation, I said my child. He said wrong answer. WTF I thought? He then explained, that your husband/wife would be there for you when you are old, and when your children are gone. We raise our children to be independent and to leave our nest but not our spouse. We made vows before God to provide and protect our spouse. I still don't get it (I am not religious by any means) but just something to think about since it is on topic.

The Pastor sounds like an asshole.

I'd definitely save my kid. If I didn't spouse would never forgive me and I'd never forgive myself.

I'd want DH to save one of our kids over me as well.

This is why we have taught our children how to swim out of a rip current. You can't assume that you can save another person no matter how much you love them. Give them the tools to save themselves..

I agree with this, and yes, I've read your next comment that it's a valid perspective. No, it's not, when he says "wrong answer." It's not up to him to say what the right answer is based on any other feelings but his own. So the heck what that your children are to grow and independent? And somehow implying that god commands you to put your spouse first is creepy.

Sorry, I do NOT agree with rip current lady. That is irrelevant and just a way to make you feel better. I remember once my mom said if she had to make space in a life boat for either me or her husband (my stepdad) she'd pick him because I'm a better swimmer. Thanks mom. We don't talk much now.

I do agree with the lady who said the pastor sounds like an asshole.

Rip current lady here. If we had a 2 seater lifeboat, we would simply each take a turn swimming while the others rested in the boat . We could do that because we've taught our kids to be good swimmers .

[Anonymous]

Normal to love kids more ~ but this also means - you know they need their father. Spouses need to do everything they can to provide a happy home with both parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it is definately true
Today, not even three years after our wedding, I woke up in bed alone. Again. My wife, Susan, has slipped out to breast-feed our 2 years -old son, Jackson. Curled up with him on the extra bed in the nursery, she often falls asleep there. Which means she's not coming back to me. I know in my heart that my wife loves me. But could she actually love someone else even more?

At first, I thought, Who could honestly complain about this? A newborn needs and deserves all the attention you can give. In the beginning, I was eager to do every small task to make my wife, to make them, more comfortable, from fetching the bunny blanket to doing diaper duty. But lately, I've been feeling like my role has been reduced to being the family Jeeves. What about my needs?
When I encountered rival suitors during my dating years, I knew my best chance involved removing the other man from the equation. So I invited my wife out to dinner. Alone. Cagily, she professed to look forward to it. "Just us," I think she said. No sooner had we sat down at a nearby trattoria and drawn the napkins across our laps than it became clear there was no "just us," and there might never be again. "Would you call the sitter, see if he's okay?" Susan asked.
"We just left him five minutes ago," I pleaded over the glasses of wine we hadn't yet tasted. "I'm sure he's fine."
"But I miss him," Susan said. I knew there was no reasoning with that. Love is love. Soon after our entries arrived, she confessed that she wanted to get home to tuck him in. I paddleboated the plate of fusilli alla verdura into my mouth to keep up with her pacing, and we dashed home. Alas, alas! He was already asleep, and I made my move. "Let's go to bed," I said, and, after coaxing her there, complimented her lingerie: a nursing bra. "Those snaps in the front are very convenient," I joked. But I knew this convenience had nothing to do with me. Not only has my son taken control of my wife's every thought, he has enforced his presence on every inch of her body

My many friends told me the same thing they are experiencing. What baffled me was not their stories, but how unfazed they were by their emotional abandonment, as if they were, unlike me, resigned to the fact that they could never be as important as the kids. What's more, they warned me that talking about it with my wife would only make things worse, that my feelings of dissatisfaction or loneliness would only be belittled or lampooned. Of course, I had to learn the hard way.

There's no changing it. For the foreseeable future, in my wife's eyes, Jackson comes first. I come second. So who am I miffed at -- Jackson? Of course not. He's just being a toddler, and I love him. Susan? Well, maybe a little.
.
And Maybe over time I'll learn that my situation's not so bad. I begun to take my eyes off .

Sorry for the long post OP but I wanted to share this.
And that TED talk and mri scan are interesting.

You sound like a giant boob. Emotional abandonment? Holy shit. I hope you're trolling. Whaaaaah whaaah, but what about MY needs, said the grownup. Look, your wife is dealing with two toddlers (you and the baby). One of them will grow up and need her less, and then the cycle of life will shift again. Thing is, if you keep mooning about like a deserted and resentful toddler yourself, wife will drop you as she should.
[/ quote]

I think I would get even worse response from my wife if I share my feelings with her. It was just my honest feelings. Why attack me like that ?
Now I couldn't care less about it as I am used to it. Its been 2 years since we had sex. And its getting worse . She don't even want to go for a single date with me anymore. Our son is her whole word and I most definately not a part of her world anymore.

Of coruse I still love them like craZy and that is why I provide for them and help susan in everything I could.

Yes, I think she loves your son more than you; and I don't like that. I strongly believe in putting your husband before your kids. The reason I say this is because (like you said), he'll start to feel lonely. Next thing you'll know, everything thing is about your son. You see how he interfere with something as simple as date night? It'll get worse. Then, it'll be about Jackson and preschool and his activities. Then, it'll be about Jackson and school. If you have another child, it'll be about Jackson and the new baby. http://gma.yahoo.com/video/gma-giuliana-rancics-controversial-secrets-080000474.html

If she keeps this up, you'll probably be divorced by the time he starts elementary school (statistically true - read this for proof).
If you watch the segment, you’ll meet these two female bloggers who basically say the kids always come first and then laugh about where their spouses fall on the list…. “If you asked me what the breakdown was I would say my children, my girlfriends, then my husband. But…don’t tell him that because he doesn’t know it.” And then they laugh hysterically like it’s all a big joke.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love my kids more than I love my husband. I can replace him, the kids I can't.

yeah

never thought of it like that! lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was talking to a pastor once....He asked me, "If your child was drowning, and your husband (or wife) was drowning, and you are only able to save one, who would you save?" No hesitation, I said my child. He said wrong answer. WTF I thought? He then explained, that your husband/wife would be there for you when you are old, and when your children are gone. We raise our children to be independent and to leave our nest but not our spouse. We made vows before God to provide and protect our spouse. I still don't get it (I am not religious by any means) but just something to think about since it is on topic.

That pastor is a fucking moron.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was talking to a pastor once....He asked me, "If your child was drowning, and your husband (or wife) was drowning, and you are only able to save one, who would you save?" No hesitation, I said my child. He said wrong answer. WTF I thought? He then explained, that your husband/wife would be there for you when you are old, and when your children are gone. We raise our children to be independent and to leave our nest but not our spouse. We made vows before God to provide and protect our spouse. I still don't get it (I am not religious by any means) but just something to think about since it is on topic.

The Pastor sounds like an asshole.

I'd definitely save my kid. If I didn't spouse would never forgive me and I'd never forgive myself.

I'd want DH to save one of our kids over me as well.

This is why we have taught our children how to swim out of a rip current. You can't assume that you can save another person no matter how much you love them. Give them the tools to save themselves..

I agree with this, and yes, I've read your next comment that it's a valid perspective. No, it's not, when he says "wrong answer." It's not up to him to say what the right answer is based on any other feelings but his own. So the heck what that your children are to grow and independent? And somehow implying that god commands you to put your spouse first is creepy.

Sorry, I do NOT agree with rip current lady. That is irrelevant and just a way to make you feel better. I remember once my mom said if she had to make space in a life boat for either me or her husband (my stepdad) she'd pick him because I'm a better swimmer. Thanks mom. We don't talk much now.

I do agree with the lady who said the pastor sounds like an asshole.

He sounds like an unloved man, uninvolved father. Probably too worried about saving his sheep in name of Christ and didn't have time to develop a meaningful relationship with his children.

[Anonymous]

Regardless of whether you think a mother's love for her children is more, less or different than her love for the children's father (who may or may not be her husband), the premise that an fMRI shows this is flawed.

The premise of fMRI research like this is that the "areas" of the brain believed to be associated with "love" (whatever that is) light up and show activity when the subject is looking at different pictures. We don't actually understand how feelings work in the brain, and victims of strokes and brain damage have demonstrated that the brain can rewire itself around damaged areas - so different areas can perform different functions if necessary. So claiming that the "love" zone in the brain lights up "more" for children than the spouse is questionable, at best.

It's like when people claim they've found "the" gene for something even moderately complicated. It turns out that gene expression is a combination of many things including some environmental factors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it is definately true
Today, not even three years after our wedding, I woke up in bed alone. Again. My wife, Susan, has slipped out to breast-feed our 2 years -old son, Jackson. Curled up with him on the extra bed in the nursery, she often falls asleep there. Which means she's not coming back to me. I know in my heart that my wife loves me. But could she actually love someone else even more?

At first, I thought, Who could honestly complain about this? A newborn needs and deserves all the attention you can give. In the beginning, I was eager to do every small task to make my wife, to make them, more comfortable, from fetching the bunny blanket to doing diaper duty. But lately, I've been feeling like my role has been reduced to being the family Jeeves. What about my needs?
When I encountered rival suitors during my dating years, I knew my best chance involved removing the other man from the equation. So I invited my wife out to dinner. Alone. Cagily, she professed to look forward to it. "Just us," I think she said. No sooner had we sat down at a nearby trattoria and drawn the napkins across our laps than it became clear there was no "just us," and there might never be again. "Would you call the sitter, see if he's okay?" Susan asked.
"We just left him five minutes ago," I pleaded over the glasses of wine we hadn't yet tasted. "I'm sure he's fine."
"But I miss him," Susan said. I knew there was no reasoning with that. Love is love. Soon after our entries arrived, she confessed that she wanted to get home to tuck him in. I paddleboated the plate of fusilli alla verdura into my mouth to keep up with her pacing, and we dashed home. Alas, alas! He was already asleep, and I made my move. "Let's go to bed," I said, and, after coaxing her there, complimented her lingerie: a nursing bra. "Those snaps in the front are very convenient," I joked. But I knew this convenience had nothing to do with me. Not only has my son taken control of my wife's every thought, he has enforced his presence on every inch of her body

My many friends told me the same thing they are experiencing. What baffled me was not their stories, but how unfazed they were by their emotional abandonment, as if they were, unlike me, resigned to the fact that they could never be as important as the kids. What's more, they warned me that talking about it with my wife would only make things worse, that my feelings of dissatisfaction or loneliness would only be belittled or lampooned. Of course, I had to learn the hard way.

There's no changing it. For the foreseeable future, in my wife's eyes, Jackson comes first. I come second. So who am I miffed at -- Jackson? Of course not. He's just being a toddler, and I love him. Susan? Well, maybe a little.
.
And Maybe over time I'll learn that my situation's not so bad. I begun to take my eyes off .

Sorry for the long post OP but I wanted to share this.
And that TED talk and mri scan are interesting.

You sound like a giant boob. Emotional abandonment? Holy shit. I hope you're trolling. Whaaaaah whaaah, but what about MY needs, said the grownup. Look, your wife is dealing with two toddlers (you and the baby). One of them will grow up and need her less, and then the cycle of life will shift again. Thing is, if you keep mooning about like a deserted and resentful toddler yourself, wife will drop you as she should.
[/ quote]

I think I would get even worse response from my wife if I share my feelings with her. It was just my honest feelings. Why attack me like that ?
Now I couldn't care less about it as I am used to it. Its been 2 years since we had sex. And its getting worse . She don't even want to go for a single date with me anymore. Our son is her whole word and I most definately not a part of her world anymore.

Of coruse I still love them like craZy and that is why I provide for them and help susan in everything I could.

Yes, I think she loves your son more than you; and I don't like that. I strongly believe in putting your husband before your kids. The reason I say this is because (like you said), he'll start to feel lonely. Next thing you'll know, everything thing is about your son. You see how he interfere with something as simple as date night? It'll get worse. Then, it'll be about Jackson and preschool and his activities. Then, it'll be about Jackson and school. If you have another child, it'll be about Jackson and the new baby. http://gma.yahoo.com/video/gma-giuliana-rancics-controversial-secrets-080000474.html

If she keeps this up, you'll probably be divorced by the time he starts elementary school (statistically true - read this for proof).
If you watch the segment, you’ll meet these two female bloggers who basically say the kids always come first and then laugh about where their spouses fall on the list…. “If you asked me what the breakdown was I would say my children, my girlfriends, then my husband. But…don’t tell him that because he doesn’t know it.” And then they laugh hysterically like it’s all a big joke.

Women who don't put their husband first are epic failures. Kids count on marriages.

If you love your child more than your husband, then your first duty is to keep your marriage strong.

[Anonymous]

LOL. As a new mom, I can frankly say I love my baby more than my husband. I feel the euphoria you feel when you fall in love. I'm totally smitten with the baby. Maybe this feeling will get less strong over the years and I will love my husband more.

But hey, my husband totally sparks up much more at the baby than I. He constantly expresses how cute she is and how happy he is to see her after work and how much he missed her. He says nice things to me, as an afterthought. Like "Oh, I missed you too honey." But I don't mind (I understand). My feelings for the baby are stronger towards the baby rather than him too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love my kids more than I love my husband. I can replace him, the kids I can't.

Why not? You can get a new husband, you can have more kids. You can replace both. You can't replace the actual individual people - either husband or child but you can certainly find, birth, adopt new ones to fill both roles. I don't think or my husband as any more or less replaceable than the kids.