Do women love their kids more than their husbands ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I did not see the TED talk or read the research but I wonder how old the kids were ... the pictures they showed.

It would also be interesting if they showed the MRI of a women's (and man's) love before the children were born vs. the after.

Also, I think women would show more intense love for an infant vs. their 40 year old adult child. I think it is instinct and a survival of the fittest type of reaction.

I slowly become less and less "involved" in my kids lives as they grow into adult. Though I don't love them less the intense need to ensure they are safe, loved and protected slowly becomes a cool confidence that they will keep themselves safe, somebody else loves them and they not only don't need my protection but grow to protect others.

I think the really strong marriages are where a husband respects that a wife will live and die for their child (at least at first) and accepts that this slowly and comfortably becomes less. I think marriages that suffer have men that compete with their children for this love. In turn I think by allowing the women this intense need to love and be with her child turns into more love for her husband.

X20000000000000000000000000000000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised that husbands also don't love their kids more than they love their wives. Why do they love their wives more than their kids?

Men marry to have wives; women marry to have families. When this plays out over decades, it leads to a very asymmetric kind of marriage. For men, while you obviously love your children, your wife remains "first among equals" in your heart. For most women, it seems, the husband drops into a second-tier place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised that husbands also don't love their kids more than they love their wives. Why do they love their wives more than their kids?

Men marry to have wives; women marry to have families. When this plays out over decades, it leads to a very asymmetric kind of marriage. For men, while you obviously love your children, your wife remains "first among equals" in your heart. For most women, it seems, the husband drops into a second-tier place.

Men should expect that then and not be so butthurt about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised that husbands also don't love their kids more than they love their wives. Why do they love their wives more than their kids?

Men marry to have wives; women marry to have families. When this plays out over decades, it leads to a very asymmetric kind of marriage. For men, while you obviously love your children, your wife remains "first among equals" in your heart. For most women, it seems, the husband drops into a second-tier place.

Men should expect that then and not be so butthurt about it.

"Butthurt" is just something you say to someone when you don't want to acknowledge they have a legitimate grievance.

Anyway, for the record I'm not butthurt in any manner, being contentedly married myself. But reality is what it is. Women are fortunate men are blinded by their romanticism about women and marriage, or few would want to marry at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised that husbands also don't love their kids more than they love their wives. Why do they love their wives more than their kids?

Men find their children replaceable; women find their men replaceable.

[Anonymous]

My husband practically is another child. Boy does he check out when he's not in the office! I'm surprised he has survived this long.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was talking to a pastor once....He asked me, "If your child was drowning, and your husband (or wife) was drowning, and you are only able to save one, who would you save?" No hesitation, I said my child. He said wrong answer. WTF I thought? He then explained, that your husband/wife would be there for you when you are old, and when your children are gone. We raise our children to be independent and to leave our nest but not our spouse. We made vows before God to provide and protect our spouse. I still don't get it (I am not religious by any means) but just something to think about since it is on topic.

This came up long ago in our Pre Cana pre-marital counseling. Back then it was: You are jumping out of a plane with your Mom and your fiancée but only have 2 parachutes. Who gets the 2 parachutes?
My husband said his Mom and me.
Wrong answer, it is the husband and wife. That is above your parents, whom you are leaving and will presumably outlive. That is in the bible. Not sure on kids versus spouse but makes sense I guess.

BTW, if I was the old mom on that plane I would force those parachutes onto my adult child and his spouse. My goal is to raise healthy, independent, smart and kid adults who can go off on their own and have a life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised that husbands also don't love their kids more than they love their wives. Why do they love their wives more than their kids?

Men marry to have wives; women marry to have families. When this plays out over decades, it leads to a very asymmetric kind of marriage. For men, while you obviously love your children, your wife remains "first among equals" in your heart. For most women, it seems, the husband drops into a second-tier place.

Men should expect that then and not be so butthurt about it.

"Butthurt" is just something you say to someone when you don't want to acknowledge they have a legitimate grievance.

Anyway, for the record I'm not butthurt in any manner, being contentedly married myself. But reality is what it is. Women are fortunate men are blinded by their romanticism about women and marriage, or few would want to marry at all.

Why? Don't they live the kids more than they love themselves?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We've had this debate before. It's a different love. I love and lust for my husband. He will be there once the kids we love are out of the nest. He is amazing and makes me a better person.

I love this. Well said!

[Anonymous]

he's baaaaack

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was talking to a pastor once....He asked me, "If your child was drowning, and your husband (or wife) was drowning, and you are only able to save one, who would you save?" No hesitation, I said my child. He said wrong answer. WTF I thought? He then explained, that your husband/wife would be there for you when you are old, and when your children are gone. We raise our children to be independent and to leave our nest but not our spouse. We made vows before God to provide and protect our spouse. I still don't get it (I am not religious by any means) but just something to think about since it is on topic.

I still remember my best friend telling me she would stand on her husbands head to keep her son above water (flood, tsunami) to save him. I would do the same for my kids. Just never ask me to make a "Sophie's Choice". My husband is OK with either of us saving the kids.

[Anonymous]

Yep, loving me means putting my kids first. So if DH had to choose between us I would 100% expect him to save the kids, of course. And I'd do the same, which is also what he would want. I think OP doesn't understand what love is. He thinks it means "wants to spend time with". He sounds like he loves himself most of all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised that husbands also don't love their kids more than they love their wives. Why do they love their wives more than their kids?

Men find their children replaceable; women find their men replaceable.

This is so true!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised that husbands also don't love their kids more than they love their wives. Why do they love their wives more than their kids?

They don't. He means "wants more time with". Not love.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised that husbands also don't love their kids more than they love their wives. Why do they love their wives more than their kids?

Men marry to have wives; women marry to have families. When this plays out over decades, it leads to a very asymmetric kind of marriage. For men, while you obviously love your children, your wife remains "first among equals" in your heart. For most women, it seems, the husband drops into a second-tier place.

Maybe you are confused by how women show love. Women don't show love by treating you like a child. Children need to be waited on, protected, trained, encouraged. But a man? I think women think a man needs faithfulness, a clean home, well-raised children, and especially her respect to feel loved. Surely a man doesn't want a woman to treat him like a child? Surely that isn't what he expects her love to look like? I guess a woman assumes that a real man would love her all the more if she saved the kids before him, that he would be proud to die for the family (they would give each other a long loving glance, and then do what they know needs to be done, in total romantic love...)