Bad actions in Vegas

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Remember that HIV can take up to six months to show up on a drug test. Even if he his results come back clean- I'd wait a few months and retest before having sex again. If he was so drunk that he was not in control of himself and his actions, how is he sure that he used a condom?

I agree with 20:53, but I would file divorce papers WAY before that six months is up. Any test results that come in will be a potentially lifelong issue for the OP, and an unpleasant surprise for the cheater in court.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, I would just forget about it and not bring it up. It's apparent he feels horrible about it. Just make sure he tests again for stds in two months or so, just to be sure

[Anonymous]

Get some marriage counseling with someone who practices EFT Couples or Imago to address any underlying unmet needs. I agree with others that DH acted on this because of some unmet desire. Why this came up could be for a million reasons. 3 kids is a constant muddle of putting your needs aside and being responsible. People aren't perfect and they make mistakes. Do the best you can to repair things and move on. This wasn't another woman he was in love with, just hot sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: Get some marriage counseling with someone who practices EFT Couples or Imago to address any underlying unmet needs. I agree with others that DH acted on this because of some unmet desire. Why this came up could be for a million reasons. 3 kids is a constant muddle of putting your needs aside and being responsible. People aren't perfect and they make mistakes. Do the best you can to repair things and move on. This wasn't another woman he was in love with, just hot sex.

I think only one other person said unmet desires. And you are both entirely ignorant as to what causes infidelity.

That said, OP gets to choose whether to save her marriage. I personally agree that she should try to do so because (a) her DH is remorseful and wants to do the right thing and (b) there are three children involved. I also agree that this kind of infidelity is not nearly as bad as when the spouse actually falls in love with someone else. However, let's not pretend that this is no big deal. Counseling, stat.

[Anonymous]

With all the posts about HIV please realize the actual transmission rate is quite low (research before you flame me) and he used a condom. While the OP should be careful and use a condom this is not "he probably has HIV" territory.

[Anonymous]

So, did he pay for the sex?

[Anonymous]

If you are even considering a divorce because of a single indiscretion in Vegas that he confessed and is remorseful about, then you didn't have much of a marriage or much love for him to begin with. If you can't deal with this, divorce him, so that he can move on to someone better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you are even considering a divorce because of a single indiscretion in Vegas that he confessed and is remorseful about, then you didn't have much of a marriage or much love for him to begin with. If you can't deal with this, divorce him, so that he can move on to someone better.

If he cared about the marriage, he wouldn't have had the 'indiscretion.'

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:With all the posts about HIV please realize the actual transmission rate is quite low (research before you flame me) and he used a condom. While the OP should be careful and use a condom this is not "he probably has HIV" territory.

I know but that would really be just awful if he had contracted this deadly disease and gave it to his wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are even considering a divorce because of a single indiscretion in Vegas that he confessed and is remorseful about, then you didn't have much of a marriage or much love for him to begin with. If you can't deal with this, divorce him, so that he can move on to someone better.

If he cared about the marriage, he wouldn't have had the 'indiscretion.'

If he didn't care about the marriage, he certainly wouldn't have confessed it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are even considering a divorce because of a single indiscretion in Vegas that he confessed and is remorseful about, then you didn't have much of a marriage or much love for him to begin with. If you can't deal with this, divorce him, so that he can move on to someone better.

If he cared about the marriage, he wouldn't have had the 'indiscretion.'

If he didn't care about the marriage, he certainly wouldn't have confessed it.

Nah, I don't buy it.

[Anonymous]

Don't have sex w/ him until the HIV results come back. Why take the risk?

I don't think I could ever forgive my DH if he did this to me. But, if was going to try and get past it, I'd insist on couples counseling and probably individual therapy for me. I don't think I could ever be intimate w/ DH again without thinking about what he did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you are even considering a divorce because of a single indiscretion in Vegas that he confessed and is remorseful about, then you didn't have much of a marriage or much love for him to begin with. If you can't deal with this, divorce him, so that he can move on to someone better.

Yep. If he is asking for forgiveness, then there is no reason for divorce unless you have been looking for a reason to divorce. It makes no sense at all to trash a good marriage and family for one incident. Do you really think it would be best for your kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't have sex w/ him until the HIV results come back. Why take the risk?

I don't think I could ever forgive my DH if he did this to me. But, if was going to try and get past it, I'd insist on couples counseling and probably individual therapy for me. I don't think I could ever be intimate w/ DH again without thinking about what he did.

Immature. You are probably also freak out about him masturbating or looking at porn.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe I am in the minority, but I would not treat this like a big unpardonable sin. One drunken encounter with a prostitute, with a condom, and he tearfully confesses? Marriage is long, and that is pretty much the least harmful infidelity imaginable.

I get you, but it would be a long time before I would want to suck this guys dick again. There's no proof a condom was used and tearful confessions don't mean jack.