Husband promised to quit smoking pot before DC was conceived.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let me add to my graveyard bump by stating broad generalizations about groups of people like "potheads are lazy" and "pill poppers are drama queens" are a clear indicator of ignorance and dangerous thinking. No critical thinking or open minded scientific inquiry is likely when thinking is done in this manner. How many successful, hard working potheads that you meet in your day to day life do you think walk around letting people know they blaze? Someone I know very well works 10 hour days, leave the office, then gets home and relaxes with a nice J. Doesn't sound like the "devils lettuce" to me and I have no problem with it.

+1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Child is now 4 and husband has decided he needs pot for medical reasons. Is it my fault I believed him when he promised no pot after fatherhood? What an absolute jerk.

Im in a somewhat similar situation, though DH did quit smoking pot on his own before we were engaged. Several years into the marriage he picked it back up for stress control (long before we had a child). Its been sort of an issue ever since (child now 7).

My decision to "let" him smoke some pot was based on the realization that it really was no more harmful than any other presecription drug he might take for stress. While the evidence supports that notion, the aspect that is the most annoying is just that he smokes more than he said he would. But he is a hihly productive individual. Not all people who smoke pot are lazy as some seem to think.

As someone who does not smoke weed or do any drugs its hard for me to understand/separate the aspect of dependency that is the choice and the aspect that is addiction. Its not easy for anyone to understand, actually, which is why addiction continues to be so hard to treat.

OP- your husband may have made a promise he intended to keep but was not up to the task to keep. Ask yourself exactly what the problem with his potsmoking is. In my case, I dont like the idea that DC will be exposed to it someday. But then I have a friend whose son is totally anti-pot or any drugs, and he grew up with his dad as a weedsmoker, the kind of who smoked it in the back room or garage, away from him, but he knew anyway. This young man is now in college and I told him mom (a non smoker) that he had told me he had always known his dad was a smoker, which was news to her!

My other issue is ITS STILL SMOKE. there is no magic hippie force field that makes it not smoke because its weed. So there is that.

However: many intelligent and productive people who dont smoke weed are married to other intelligent producitve people who do smoke weed. Its not nearly as uncommon as people might think AND there most certainly is not just one pot culture.

So anyway, I struggle with this issue too. DH so far has kept it discreet enough that DC does not know, but not discreet enough for her to not figure it out someday. It sucks, and there are other issues in the marriage for sure that are really worse and make me think Im not sure I can stay married.

Do you drink? If so, that feeling you get when you say "I'd like a glass of wine" is the same thing. You mentioned you don't smoke or do drugs, but many people don't know or choose not to believe alcohol is a drug.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Child is now 4 and husband has decided he needs pot for medical reasons. Is it my fault I believed him when he promised no pot after fatherhood? What an absolute jerk.

Im in a somewhat similar situation, though DH did quit smoking pot on his own before we were engaged. Several years into the marriage he picked it back up for stress control (long before we had a child). Its been sort of an issue ever since (child now 7).

My decision to "let" him smoke some pot was based on the realization that it really was no more harmful than any other presecription drug he might take for stress. While the evidence supports that notion, the aspect that is the most annoying is just that he smokes more than he said he would. But he is a hihly productive individual. Not all people who smoke pot are lazy as some seem to think.

As someone who does not smoke weed or do any drugs its hard for me to understand/separate the aspect of dependency that is the choice and the aspect that is addiction. Its not easy for anyone to understand, actually, which is why addiction continues to be so hard to treat.

OP- your husband may have made a promise he intended to keep but was not up to the task to keep. Ask yourself exactly what the problem with his potsmoking is. In my case, I dont like the idea that DC will be exposed to it someday. But then I have a friend whose son is totally anti-pot or any drugs, and he grew up with his dad as a weedsmoker, the kind of who smoked it in the back room or garage, away from him, but he knew anyway. This young man is now in college and I told him mom (a non smoker) that he had told me he had always known his dad was a smoker, which was news to her!

My other issue is ITS STILL SMOKE. there is no magic hippie force field that makes it not smoke because its weed. So there is that.

However: many intelligent and productive people who dont smoke weed are married to other intelligent producitve people who do smoke weed. Its not nearly as uncommon as people might think AND there most certainly is not just one pot culture.

So anyway, I struggle with this issue too. DH so far has kept it discreet enough that DC does not know, but not discreet enough for her to not figure it out someday. It sucks, and there are other issues in the marriage for sure that are really worse and make me think Im not sure I can stay married.

Do you drink? If so, that feeling you get when you say "I'd like a glass of wine" is the same thing. You mentioned you don't smoke or do drugs, but many people don't know or choose not to believe alcohol is a drug.

Yes, absolutely alchohol is a drug. As is caffeine. I partake in both. However, I cant stand being drunk AT ALL. And never have. If I did, I could see easily that I would become an alcholic if stress was bad enough.

So, I drink two cups of coffee a day in the morning, and one to two glasses of wine with dinner on 5 out of 7 nights a week.

Your point?

[Anonymous]

In other words, its not that simple as to say :I;d like a glass of wine" is a way of understanding addiction.

I saw a segment of TV about a woman with a bizarre addiction to tartar sauce. She would eat it on EVERYTHING. IN EVERY way it was like every other addiction.

Now, I dont dig tartar sauce all that much, but there is no food I want with everything, and there is no wine I want with everything. I do not CRAVE wine at all hours of the day, and I love salad with dinner, but if I dont have it (or wine) Im not all disappointed or thrown off course.

Its not so simple, this addiction thing. Its not the same as just liking things, or wanting things. Its degree of wanting, and ratio to the whole of life.