Bailing on famiy who planned a formal dinner

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:sitter..problem solved. As for my child wouldn't handle. Yes they would..they can handle so much more than you know. Experienced sitters can handle the worst tantrum and most kids by three are in some sort of preschool anyway. As for electronics at the table..god if you are trying to make this dinner work..loosen it up for one night. So many crazy parents on this site lately.

If you want to leave your child screaming in a strange hotel room with a strange sitter, I suppose that is your call. Not something I'd be comfortable with, though.

[Anonymous]

We had as similar event when my daughter was 3. We all enjoyed the "cocktail" hour beforehand, then we ran DD up to the room, met the sitter, stayed for a few minutes, then we came back down and had a lovely, relaxed, and long dinner!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:sitter..problem solved. As for my child wouldn't handle. Yes they would..they can handle so much more than you know. Experienced sitters can handle the worst tantrum and most kids by three are in some sort of preschool anyway. As for electronics at the table..god if you are trying to make this dinner work..loosen it up for one night. So many crazy parents on this site lately.

If you want to leave your child screaming in a strange hotel room with a strange sitter, I suppose that is your call. Not something I'd be comfortable with, though.

That's why I think it's so important to use sitters from the start, even if just for a few hours every few months. As a baby, my DD was fine. When she was around 2, she went through a phase of crying when we left (and we'd listen outside and knew she stopped crying about 20 seconds after we left), and by 3 she was happy as a clam for sitters - what's not to love, someone to pay attention 100% to her (versus mommy who may sometimes be doing other things). Other friends I know never used sitters and now that they're ready, the kid is 6 and no way could a sitter ever get him to go to bed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We went on a cruise for a friend's wedding. We all had late seating dinner. One couple had a 3 year old. They would go to the buffet at 5 with the 3yo and have a light meal to eat with him. Then they would go back to the room, do the bedtime routine, bathe, change clothes, brush teeth, etc. His bedtime was between 8:00-8:30. At 7:45, the sitter would arrive, and the little boy would get into bed watching a video. The parents would then come down to dinner at 8pm. Worked out well for everyone. Maybe ask to have a later dinner for the big night and that will limit what the sitter has to do and you can get your child up to bedtime (or close). I agree with the PP who said that sitters at resorts are going to be lot safer than any random sitter. The sitters work for the resort and the resort has a lot of information on them. The reputation of the resort is on the line and they will make sure to vet the sitters.

My kids would never have accepted a strange sitter like that. Not at the age of 3.

PP you quoted. The first night, the sitter came earlier, about 45 minutes, went with them to dinner and socialized with the parents and the child. By the 3rd night (4 night cruise), the little boy was asking if the sitter could come home with them and do bedtime at home, too. Children adapt very quickly. I know that the OP is talking about a one nighter, but having the sitter come for dinner with the family and then help with bedtime before a late dinner for the parents can be made to work.

How did you get your child to accommodate a new babysitter at home at the age of 3? Did you really never use a babysitter?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:sitter..problem solved. As for my child wouldn't handle. Yes they would..they can handle so much more than you know. Experienced sitters can handle the worst tantrum and most kids by three are in some sort of preschool anyway. As for electronics at the table..god if you are trying to make this dinner work..loosen it up for one night. So many crazy parents on this site lately.

If you want to leave your child screaming in a strange hotel room with a strange sitter, I suppose that is your call. Not something I'd be comfortable with, though.

That's why I think it's so important to use sitters from the start, even if just for a few hours every few months. As a baby, my DD was fine. When she was around 2, she went through a phase of crying when we left (and we'd listen outside and knew she stopped crying about 20 seconds after we left), and by 3 she was happy as a clam for sitters - what's not to love, someone to pay attention 100% to her (versus mommy who may sometimes be doing other things). Other friends I know never used sitters and now that they're ready, the kid is 6 and no way could a sitter ever get him to go to bed.

There is definitely an upside to having your kids used to sitters at an early age. I used to get so jealous when I saw other moms dropping their babies/toddlers off at the gym playroom and my kids would not even let me out of their sight. Ugh. At that age it was familiar faces only I'm afraid.

A strange hotel sitter would have been a nightmare for us when our kids were little. No way would that have worked for us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We went on a cruise for a friend's wedding. We all had late seating dinner. One couple had a 3 year old. They would go to the buffet at 5 with the 3yo and have a light meal to eat with him. Then they would go back to the room, do the bedtime routine, bathe, change clothes, brush teeth, etc. His bedtime was between 8:00-8:30. At 7:45, the sitter would arrive, and the little boy would get into bed watching a video. The parents would then come down to dinner at 8pm. Worked out well for everyone. Maybe ask to have a later dinner for the big night and that will limit what the sitter has to do and you can get your child up to bedtime (or close). I agree with the PP who said that sitters at resorts are going to be lot safer than any random sitter. The sitters work for the resort and the resort has a lot of information on them. The reputation of the resort is on the line and they will make sure to vet the sitters.

My kids would never have accepted a strange sitter like that. Not at the age of 3.

PP you quoted. The first night, the sitter came earlier, about 45 minutes, went with them to dinner and socialized with the parents and the child. By the 3rd night (4 night cruise), the little boy was asking if the sitter could come home with them and do bedtime at home, too. Children adapt very quickly. I know that the OP is talking about a one nighter, but having the sitter come for dinner with the family and then help with bedtime before a late dinner for the parents can be made to work.

How did you get your child to accommodate a new babysitter at home at the age of 3? Did you really never use a babysitter?

Sitters were familiar faces, people that my kids got used to over a period of time. One night in a strange hotel room with a strange sitter wouldn't have worked for us.

[Anonymous]

If the OP is getting the impression that the 3 year old isn't really expected to attend this dinner and a hotel sitter is not doable....Another way to handle it would be to leave the 3 year old at home with a more familiar sitter. The couple could stay overnight or return home after the dinner.

How far away is this resort OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We had as similar event when my daughter was 3. We all enjoyed the "cocktail" hour beforehand, then we ran DD up to the room, met the sitter, stayed for a few minutes, then we came back down and had a lovely, relaxed, and long dinner!

I think a more casual (but dressed up, not jeans) dinner inclusive of the whole family followed by cocktails for the adults would be a nice way to handle a family reunion like this one. OP isn't the planner of course, so she's got to roll with what has been planned. If possible, I would ask dh to find out if this is an adults only dinner because it sounds as though it might be.

[Anonymous]

If it's important to go for your dh's family, then I would go along w/DH and DC and as others said, if DC gets tired and cranky just leave at that time. Either or both of you can leave and take DC back to the room.

You never know. My grandchild is 1, and recently made it through a fancy 2 1/2 hour dinner with the ILs without a problem.Could have gone either way and the parents just planned to leave if/when the baby was cranky. They lucked out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If it's important to go for your dh's family, then I would go along w/DH and DC and as others said, if DC gets tired and cranky just leave at that time. Either or both of you can leave and take DC back to the room.

You never know. My grandchild is 1, and recently made it through a fancy 2 1/2 hour dinner with the ILs without a problem.Could have gone either way and the parents just planned to leave if/when the baby was cranky. They lucked out.

Since this is a *family reunion* I think that this is probably the best way to handle it. If it were a wedding dinner I might be less inclined to bring the 3 year old along. Good luck OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it's important to go for your dh's family, then I would go along w/DH and DC and as others said, if DC gets tired and cranky just leave at that time. Either or both of you can leave and take DC back to the room.

You never know. My grandchild is 1, and recently made it through a fancy 2 1/2 hour dinner with the ILs without a problem.Could have gone either way and the parents just planned to leave if/when the baby was cranky. They lucked out.

Since this is a *family reunion* I think that this is probably the best way to handle it. If it were a wedding dinner I might be less inclined to bring the 3 year old along. Good luck OP.

Exactly. "Family" means little kids too, cranky or not. They are the future of the family, after all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you expect the entire family to revolve around you just because you have a three year old?

She's not asking for that at all. In fact, seems to me that she's trying NOT to make the event all about her and her small child. Maybe a lot of those relatives will get pissy and roll their eyes if the kid acts up and starts throwing a tantrum. If anything, she's trying to take the attention off of her child. And I highly doubt there will be any deathbed regrets on either side if her kid does go to the buffet and they call it an early night. Family events often get blown out of proportion and then years later, people hardly recall them.

+10,000!!

OP, heed the post quoted above. Ignore the people pushing SO hard for you to use some babysitter you and your child have never set eyes on before. Ignore the people insisting that you dress up your child and take him in the hope that he's "the life of the party" as someone else put it. You're very preggers and don't need the stress of all this. I would indeed have DH go to the dinner alone; you and son can hang out in the hotel room and you can give him the treat of watching TV there for a while. I know you wanted DH there to help with bedtime; you're pregnant and don't want to deal with fusses etc. but I would tell DH to go to the dinner. Your son likely will be tired from the traveling anyway so that might help you with bedtime. But if you don't want to go to the dinner yourself and don't want to take your son, just say son needs an early bedtime and you want the grownups to have their fun.

Someone said to check whether it's adults-only anyway. I would bet that it IS, in the minds of the organizers, and they didn't even think about your having a young child there with you. They too may be assuming you'll use a babysitter from the resort. Don't cave to it if you do not want to use a sitter you don't know.

And as the person above said -- these family functions get so very blown out of proportion and it will not matter later, unless his family is so jerky they'll hold it against you forever. If that were the case you'd have much bigger issues anyway.

[Anonymous]

It's not a black tie/evening gown event. It's a jacket and tie dinner - appetizer, salad, entree, dessert. I think you can go to this with your 3 year old OP, it's a nice family dinner not some sort of board meeting.

Don't over think this. You'll be fine. Go.

[Anonymous]

You are seeing them. Missing the dinner is not the end of the works. Since you will be eating in the next room, can you stop in before hand or after to say hello to everyone?

For those criticizing the OP...pound sand. Not everyone is comfortable handing a kid over to a complete stranger. Nor goes the fact that you were ok at a late months pregnant doing everything on your own mean this poster is. At over 8 months many people wouldn't even travel somewhere overnightso I thinks she clearly is making a good effort here. Three year olds at any dinner is a crap shoot. If people use ekectronics sometimes it isn't ruining the kid for life. Get a grip.

DH is a grown man making his own decisions. If he doesn't think going us necessary, then leave it alone. Let him explain it tithe relatives. Betting the same ones bitching about non attendance would have plenty to say if the kid had a meltdown too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are seeing them. Missing the dinner is not the end of the works. Since you will be eating in the next room, can you stop in before hand or after to say hello to everyone?

For those criticizing the OP...pound sand. Not everyone is comfortable handing a kid over to a complete stranger. Nor goes the fact that you were ok at a late months pregnant doing everything on your own mean this poster is. At over 8 months many people wouldn't even travel somewhere overnightso I thinks she clearly is making a good effort here. Three year olds at any dinner is a crap shoot. If people use ekectronics sometimes it isn't ruining the kid for life. Get a grip.

DH is a grown man making his own decisions. If he doesn't think going us necessary, then leave it alone. Let him explain it tithe relatives. Betting the same ones bitching about non attendance would have plenty to say if the kid had a meltdown too.

Eating in the next room would be very awkward, IMO. And it might even look as though OP is making some sort of statement about this dinner (which is probably the last thing in the world that OP wants to do). I think she should just go to the dinner as planned with the 3 year old, leave if necessary. Don't over complicate things.