Bailing on famiy who planned a formal dinner

[Anonymous]

I disagree with almost every other poster -- I see no reason for you, DH and kid to try to attend this event. I presume it's part of a larger trip to the resort with the family. There's no reason why you have to attend EVERY. SINGLE. EVENT. It's ok to bow out if the logistics don't work for you and clearly they don't.

Politely bow out, see them at other things and during down time, and don't let anyone give you shit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here - sitter is not an option; we are far out of town for just one night. I am very pregnant and DH is willing for us to stay together so that I don't have to do the heavy lifting and so I can attempt to enjoy a meal out.

There is also a formal cocktail hour and lunch which we will be attending without question.

We certainly bend many rules and allow many treats when we are out and off our normal schedule - I'm not that rigid. But they perceive me as being strict because they don't believe in rules at all, even when health and safety is concerned. I'm not trying to be difficult, I just know that bringing him to a long formal dinner will not be fun for anyone.

Most resorts have babysitting available.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, I think you look like an a$$hole. They already think you're nuts - you said so yourself. It is convenient to go with your alternative of the buffet. But it's not that hard to show up, let your little one look cute for a half hour and then leave alone with your child while your husband stays. That's what families do. Most of us have story after story of how we navigated these type of situations,, none of which involves blowing them off.

[Anonymous]

What is it with this very pregnant bs..please I was pregnant a few times and unless you are on bed rest which then the trip would be out of question anyway..it's his family reunion.geezzz pull it together. Why can't you use a resort sitter for one night? You already said it is a high end resort..stop being crazy. I have traveled at many high end resorts and believe me..they can't have a problem happen. Their sitters are usually bonded and drug tested..relax and don't ruin this for your husband. Also, if they think you are nutty..do some inward thinking..Are you nutty?? Work on this as it will save you a divorce.

[Anonymous]

We go each year to a resort like this in upstate NY. The resort has a list of babysitters. We use that and find someone. Nice dinner for us, kid asleep in room. Oldest will be nearly 4 in the fall when we go this year. Have been doing it annually since he was 10 months. Maybe your resort has a list too?

[Anonymous]

Oh for god sakes. As long as dh is okay with it, skip the dinner. For all you know they'd prefer you and the toddler weren't there anyway

[Anonymous]

I am guessing will give the "I am not comfortable" answer and then then "I am not comfortable being alone" answer although I would guess she is able to cobble through during her usual life when not attempting to ruin things for dh. FYI..my sil does this sort of stuff and my brother usually gives in because she is a winer and it is the path of least resistance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is it with this very pregnant bs..please I was pregnant a few times and unless you are on bed rest which then the trip would be out of question anyway..it's his family reunion.geezzz pull it together. Why can't you use a resort sitter for one night? You already said it is a high end resort..stop being crazy. I have traveled at many high end resorts and believe me..they can't have a problem happen. Their sitters are usually bonded and drug tested..relax and don't ruin this for your husband. Also, if they think you are nutty..do some inward thinking..Are you nutty?? Work on this as it will save you a divorce.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I disagree with almost every other poster -- I see no reason for you, DH and kid to try to attend this event. I presume it's part of a larger trip to the resort with the family. There's no reason why you have to attend EVERY. SINGLE. EVENT. It's ok to bow out if the logistics don't work for you and clearly they don't.

Politely bow out, see them at other things and during down time, and don't let anyone give you shit.

OP has said it is one night only. So a large part of the trip clearly revolves around this one dinner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You go to the buffet with DS & DH early (i doubt the formal dinner is at 5) DH does not eat, you take DS back to the room for bedtime & DH joins his parent / extended family for formal dinner. I totally get not wanting to do dinner alone with a toddler when hugely pregnant - I'm 20weeks and have a 14month old but I think your husband should still get to attend the dinner.

This suggestion seems to cover all bases. Do this.

[Anonymous]

I am in agreement with your DH's family. I think you sound controlling and nuts. Why not just go to the dinner and see how your son does? Stay as long as you feel like you can and leave when he gets tired. It's not rocket science.

[Anonymous]

Why can't you hire a babysitter?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why can't you hire a babysitter?

Better still, you stay home and let DH and his family have a delightful evenimg without you.

[Anonymous]

Well, personally, I would not leave my kid with some random resort babysitter, but that's just me.

OP, we were in sort of a similar situation-- we went on a cruise with DH's family, so EVERY night was the big 2 hour meal extravaganza. This is what we did:

Went to the buffet early with DD. She ate, and we maybe had a nibble.

Went to formal dinner altogether as a family. Usually got through the first course, or at least drinks. DD ate some bread, maybe. Chatted with her cousins. She could last for about 1/2 hour before she started getting fussy and needing bedtime.

One of us would go back to the room with DD, and the other would stay and have dinner. That person would also get a meal to go for whoever was with DD.

If I was back in the room with DD, DH would run up before dessert and bring my meal (DD was asleep by then). Then he'd go back down for dinner and drinks with his family.

Worked for us. I get that you're pregnant and over it, but in this scenario you really will only need to do the bedtime routine by yourself. And you can have a nice meal in your room-- bring a book light so you can relax in the room alone while your DS is asleep.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think PPs recommendations are fair except - would you be on the hook for your family's share of the 4 course meal that you have to rush through in 20 minutes before you kid can make a peep? I would not pay hundreds of dollars to rush through a meal just to appease my in-laws. If DH wants to go, fine but I'm ordering a pizza and hanging out with my kids where we an all relax. I love my one on one nights with DD.

Why bother to go for just 20 minutes while the kid wolfs down the food and OP gets nothing to eat? OP, I would just have your husband go alone, you and ds hang out at the hotel and get room service. DH can just explain that your son can't sit still for that long. So what if your relatives don't get it? At this point, skipping out on one fancy meal isn't going to make or break their perception of you.