Bailing on famiy who planned a formal dinner

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[Post New]07/30/2013 16:33
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Anonymous
DH's family is having a family reunion of sorts at a very high end resort. They are still not used to accommodating children, even though our son is almost 3. He is at an age that is NOT conducive to restaurant dining. We are not strictly tied to schedules and comfort zones, and continue to go out to casual places so that he can learn to sit still. But a 4 course "jacket and tie required" dinner is a terrible, terrible idea.

Please tell me that I don't look like an a-hole for telling the inlaws that we will be going to the casual buffet instead. They already think I'm crazy and controlling for doing parenting things "my" ( you know, like insisting on proper use of a car seat and limiting TV time on weekdays... )
[Post New]07/30/2013 16:37
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Anonymous
Why do all of you have to skip the dinner? Can't you and kids pop in to say goodnight and then DH stays for the duration?

[Post New]07/30/2013 16:37
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Anonymous
Why can't you take him to the buffet and then leave him with a sitter? Proper car seat is a must. Grandparents letting kids watch a bit extra time is fine, let them have a treat.
[Post New]07/30/2013 16:40
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Anonymous
I'd let your husband go by himself. I agree, a four-course meal is not a great idea for a 2-3 yo, but that doesn't mean you all have to skip the meal.
[Post New]07/30/2013 16:43
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Anonymous
pp here, I should have mentioned that we've taken our kids to formal jacket dinners. Just arrange with the chef to have the meal come out for kids as soon as people sit. Kids eat and you leave 20 minutes later. So, make an appearance and leave. Electronics are also your friend. It's just one evening.
[Post New]07/30/2013 16:45
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Anonymous
Op here - sitter is not an option; we are far out of town for just one night. I am very pregnant and DH is willing for us to stay together so that I don't have to do the heavy lifting and so I can attempt to enjoy a meal out.

There is also a formal cocktail hour and lunch which we will be attending without question.

We certainly bend many rules and allow many treats when we are out and off our normal schedule - I'm not that rigid. But they perceive me as being strict because they don't believe in rules at all, even when health and safety is concerned. I'm not trying to be difficult, I just know that bringing him to a long formal dinner will not be fun for anyone.
[Post New]07/30/2013 16:46
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Anonymous
I think PPs recommendations are fair except - would you be on the hook for your family's share of the 4 course meal that you have to rush through in 20 minutes before you kid can make a peep? I would not pay hundreds of dollars to rush through a meal just to appease my in-laws. If DH wants to go, fine but I'm ordering a pizza and hanging out with my kids where we an all relax. I love my one on one nights with DD.
[Post New]07/30/2013 16:46
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Anonymous
So you expect the entire family to revolve around you just because you have a three year old?
[Post New]07/30/2013 16:48
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:So you expect the entire family to revolve around you just because you have a three year old?


Wow, no, not at all. I expect the extended family to enjoy their dinner while DH, DS and I attempt to enjoy a shorter more casual dinner in the next room.
[Post New]07/30/2013 16:48
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:I think PPs recommendations are fair except - would you be on the hook for your family's share of the 4 course meal that you have to rush through in 20 minutes before you kid can make a peep? I would not pay hundreds of dollars to rush through a meal just to appease my in-laws. If DH wants to go, fine but I'm ordering a pizza and hanging out with my kids where we an all relax. I love my one on one nights with DD.


Either dining room is included in the resort fee - it doesn't change what anyone will be paying.
[Post New]07/30/2013 16:50
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Anonymous
Still not understanding why DH can't go to the formal dinner.
[Post New]07/30/2013 16:50
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Anonymous
Does the resort have babysitters?
[Post New]07/30/2013 16:51
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Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I think PPs recommendations are fair except - would you be on the hook for your family's share of the 4 course meal that you have to rush through in 20 minutes before you kid can make a peep? I would not pay hundreds of dollars to rush through a meal just to appease my in-laws. If DH wants to go, fine but I'm ordering a pizza and hanging out with my kids where we an all relax. I love my one on one nights with DD.


Either dining room is included in the resort fee - it doesn't change what anyone will be paying.


Ok, well then under normal circumstances I would send DH to enjoy the meal with his fam while toddler and I enjoy a more causal meal BUT you said you're uber pregnant right now. I don't think I could handle a tantrum in a restaurant by myself in the final month of pregnancy - maybe I'd send DH and just hang back in the hotel room with a pizza and my kiddo.
[Post New]07/30/2013 16:53
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Anonymous
Stop arguing with good suggestions. And don't make this one event a proclamation on what everyone thinks of you - and how everyone else is grandparenting wrong ** breathe **
[Post New]07/30/2013 17:03
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Anonymous
You go to the buffet with DS & DH early (i doubt the formal dinner is at 5) DH does not eat, you take DS back to the room for bedtime & DH joins his parent / extended family for formal dinner. I totally get not wanting to do dinner alone with a toddler when hugely pregnant - I'm 20weeks and have a 14month old but I think your husband should still get to attend the dinner.
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