Am I awful for wanting some family time?

[Anonymous]

OP you have options since they are driving distance (all our family is a 3-4 hour flight away).

Could they come Thursday to Saturday?
Could they come every 3 weeks Friday to Saturday only, so just one overnight?

One night of their visit should definitely include a date night for you and DH.

House guests are a LOT, especially when one of you travels. Remember that they are there to see the kids, not necessarily you, so if you need to sneak away for a few hours (even if to your bedroom or a friend's house) you should feel free to start doing that. You probably don't want to hover and they don't want you hovering either. Unless they aren't able to be with kids unsupervised, then you and DH probably need to tag team to be around. Good luck!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents live 6 hours away and I have a strict "3 night or get a hotel" policy. Also, we only have 1 bathroom so no guests are allowed on Monday mornings.

If my parents were 1 hour away and could still safely drive in the dark, at night I would have an overnight guests on exception only policy - like after fireworks or other late event and then it would be 1 night only.

When I was single, I travelled M-F, M-Th, or Su-Th every week for 9 years. My parents had a hard time understanding that I literally only had 6-8 days a month to spend with my friends, boyfriend, going to the Dr., running errands, etc.

If they really need long visits, I would ask them to come Thursday and relieve the nanny / do daycare pickup and chill with kids until dinner. On Friday while I was at work I would have the kids in the normal daycare routine and have my parents do some laundry, get groceries, or do some basic food prep for the next 3-4 days.

These are not friends who visit once a year, they are monthly visitors who are coming presumably to help with the kids. Maybe if they came on Thursday, you and DH could even get a once a month date night on Fridays out of it.

Wow. you sound charming. Not sure I would even WANT to stay in your house more than a night.

Glad to know I wasn't the only one that thought this poster sounded awful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents live 1 hr away and visit every 3-4 weeks. They used to arrive on Sat morning and leave on Sun afternoon. Now they arrive on Friday afternoon so they are there when we get home from work and leave on Monday morning. DH travels for work so weekends are important for us to have time with the kids. Previously when they left on Sundays, we at least had some time to do something in the afternoon/evening by ourselves with the kids. My parents are the best and I love them dearly and feel awful for wanting some time on our own. Am I being unreasonable?

So they went from 1 night to 3? I'd try to get it back to 1 or 2 nights. Houseguests are a different type of stress. Monthly visits are more than enough too. Unless there is some other cultural thing involved...

Did you grow up with monthly houseguests for 3 nights? While father had consulting travel mom-thurs??

[Anonymous]

You are totally normal for wanting some time with your nuclear family, especially with your spouse travelling. I think the posters who have suggested using your parents' visit to get a date night in with your spouse, have an excellent idea. I also like the idea of cutting it back to two nights. It sounds like you are pretty close with your parents, so they may understand if you approach it tactfully.

[Anonymous]

If your parents don't work see if arriving early Sunday and staying through Tuesday maybe. With plans for themselves during your work hours. They get one weekend day and can help you out on 1-2 weekend nights.

[Anonymous]

I meant week nights.

[Anonymous]

I haven't read all the responses, but they live only an hour away? Why do they even need to spend the night? That would be a drain on me, too. My family is all 4+ hours away, and they only come like every couple of months. My MIL comes up from 4.5 hours and only stays the day. She never spends the night, which is a lot less pressure on me because I don't have to get the guest room, bath, etc., ready, or feed her many meals, whatever.

I don't think you're being awful for wanting houseguests for a shorter time. If they stay the night, I'd think one night is long enough, or maybe they could come more often but not stay the night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I don't get why people are jumping all over you. It seems to me you love and appreciate your parents and like spending time with them. That said, you need a bit more time to decompress after having houseguests than others do. Some PPs seem to be projecting their own family dynamic onto you.

Nothing wrong with asking them to leave Sunday. Tell them you need some quiet time to get ready for the week.

+1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents live 1 hr away and visit every 3-4 weeks. They used to arrive on Sat morning and leave on Sun afternoon. Now they arrive on Friday afternoon so they are there when we get home from work and leave on Monday morning. DH travels for work so weekends are important for us to have time with the kids. Previously when they left on Sundays, we at least had some time to do something in the afternoon/evening by ourselves with the kids. My parents are the best and I love them dearly and feel awful for wanting some time on our own. Am I being unreasonable?

So they went from 1 night to 3? I'd try to get it back to 1 or 2 nights. Houseguests are a different type of stress. Monthly visits are more than enough too. Unless there is some other cultural thing involved...

Did you grow up with monthly houseguests for 3 nights? While father had consulting travel mom-thurs??

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I don't get why people are jumping all over you. It seems to me you love and appreciate your parents and like spending time with them. That said, you need a bit more time to decompress after having houseguests than others do. Some PPs seem to be projecting their own family dynamic onto you.

Nothing wrong with asking them to leave Sunday. Tell them you need some quiet time to get ready for the week.

+1000

+1

And they live ONE hour away, not a long ass distance. They don't need to spend the whole weekend with you. One day is perfectly fine.

[Anonymous]

Why not take advantage of the situation of a "free" Friday night and go out with your DH for a dinner, shopping, leisurely walk, etc.? Leave grandma and grandpa with the kids and a pizza and enjoy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I haven't read all the responses, but they live only an hour away? Why do they even need to spend the night? That would be a drain on me, too. My family is all 4+ hours away, and they only come like every couple of months. My MIL comes up from 4.5 hours and only stays the day. She never spends the night, which is a lot less pressure on me because I don't have to get the guest room, bath, etc., ready, or feed her many meals, whatever.

I don't think you're being awful for wanting houseguests for a shorter time. If they stay the night, I'd think one night is long enough, or maybe they could come more often but not stay the night.

Your MIL drives 9 hours R/T and doesn't spend the night? Wow.

[Anonymous]

1 hour is not that far away. I understand wanting to spend time with the grandkids but why on earth do they need to spend a long weekend at your house once a month?

That requires you to be at home - all weekend- every 4th weekend (you can't make any other plans because the folks are coming). It requires you to have guest bed changed and ready for them, extra towels, extra food...no matter how much you love them it's work for you. What happens when the kids want to do a sport or some other activity on the weekends and/or they simply want to have their friends over? Will they be required to miss games/practice/play dates/sleepovers once a month to spend time with their grandparents?

Don't get me wrong, I think that it is wonderful that your folks want to spend time with their grandkids - do encourage that and don't stand in the way of it. But these long weekends are excessive and are only possible because they do live such a short distance away from you. An hour is not that far of a drive, they should be making day trips to your house on convenient (for everyone!) weekends. Also, you could save them the drive and make day trips to their house.

[Anonymous]

Maybe I am the outlier, but why would people who live 1 hour away have to come and spend the entire weekend on a regular basis?
You could drive an hour and spend the day and then drive an hour back home?
Are they elderly and frail...driving too much for them?
My folks live 3 hours away and sometimes we meet for dinner (we each drive 1 1/2) in the middle then we go back home.

[Anonymous]

I think it is alright to let them know tactfully that you need Sunday afternoon/evenings to regroup and to plan some time with your husband while they are visiting. But, both my parents and my dh's folks are deceased and we wish we could get some of that time back.