Am I awful for wanting some family time?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Aren't they a part of your family? It's once a month! If they weren't visiting you'd be complaining they're only an hour away and could spend more time building a relationship with their grandchildren.

This. I would give my right arm to have my parents living closer and would never complain. It is one time a month for gods sake. They had to put up with you while growing up, why cant you accept they are part of the family?

[Anonymous]

OP, I don't think you are awful at all for feeling the way you do. If your husband travels a lot, you guys don't get much chance to be all together as a family, and houseguests one weekend each month os a lot, even it they are your parents!

I also think it is odd that your parents are just one hour away yet come for two nights! Do they otherwise appear to have lives of their own?

I think you have many many options available to you to try to keep your parents close and appreciate them, yet get more quiet time/family time with your kids.

For example -- what about all those nights your husband is traveling? What about letting your folks take the kids at their place some of those nights? (Giving you a break) or a regular Friday night sleepover once a month, instead of having them stay with you?

I would also consider farming out some child related weekend things that you don't particularly enjoy doing and have them take the kids to do that (I would ask my mom to take my kids to get their haircuts and go shoe shopping, or to the once a month Home Depot or Michael's kid craft workshops.)

Ask your parents to not come until Sat afternoon and then take the kids to church on Sun.

Ask mom or Dad to make Sunday brunch or dinner. Or go to their house once a month for Sunday dinner.

Just figure out what would make your life better and ask for that,

[Anonymous]

Actually, they're coming for 3 nights--arriving Fri and leaving on Mon morning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents live 6 hours away and I have a strict "3 night or get a hotel" policy. Also, we only have 1 bathroom so no guests are allowed on Monday mornings.

If my parents were 1 hour away and could still safely drive in the dark, at night I would have an overnight guests on exception only policy - like after fireworks or other late event and then it would be 1 night only.

When I was single, I travelled M-F, M-Th, or Su-Th every week for 9 years. My parents had a hard time understanding that I literally only had 6-8 days a month to spend with my friends, boyfriend, going to the Dr., running errands, etc.

If they really need long visits, I would ask them to come Thursday and relieve the nanny / do daycare pickup and chill with kids until dinner. On Friday while I was at work I would have the kids in the normal daycare routine and have my parents do some laundry, get groceries, or do some basic food prep for the next 3-4 days.

These are not friends who visit once a year, they are monthly visitors who are coming presumably to help with the kids. Maybe if they came on Thursday, you and DH could even get a once a month date night on Fridays out of it.

Wow. you sound charming. Not sure I would even WANT to stay in your house more than a night.

[Anonymous]

OP: How often do you all, as a family, go visit your parents?

[Anonymous]

I can understand your feelings but at 1x a month, I would just not say anything for the sake of family harmony. Plus, I would take the opportunity to have date night with DH on that Sat night. My mom (who has Alzheimer's) stays with me 2 days and 1 night and my Dad (he is divorced and remarried) comes to visit 1-2 evenings a weeks plus my in laws visit for a weekend (usually Fri-Tues) every 4-6 wks. It drives me bonkers! (I was never super close with my mom and Dad - spent my 20s and majority of my 30s speaking to them only by phone very other week and maybe a visit 1-2 a year) but I do think it enriches my children's lives to have more grandparent involvement.

[Anonymous]

Why jump on OP? That sounds like a lot to me. They live pretty close. Why can't they come Saturday morning to Sunday morning? This is basically why I refuse to live closer than a flight away from my ILs. That is just way too much for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I agree with you. Just compromise. Tell your parents that you're fine with them coming on Friday, but on Sunday nights you need some time to relax and get ready for the week. I think that's completely reasonable.

This is an excellent compromise! And for the record, I truly envy you this set up, OP. Our families live 14 hours away and we only see them once or twice a year. Enjoy your boundaries but also cherish your family time.

[Anonymous]

That would annoy me too. I would have them leave Sunday so you can prepare for the week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Aren't they a part of your family? It's once a month! If they weren't visiting you'd be complaining they're only an hour away and could spend more time building a relationship with their grandchildren.

AGREE!!!!!

Yes, gotta agree. My parents (the only living grandparents) are in Seattle. Kids are in D.C. Now that my parents are really up in years I wish my kids could have more time with them . . . .

[Anonymous]

Op, I think your feelings are totally reasonable. But I would e careful how your approach this.....you don't want to hurt their feelings.

I wonder if they think they are being helpful by coming for longer?

[Anonymous]

OP, I don't see why they can't just drive over for the day. You need to set boundaries. The next time they want to come over for the whole weekend, say that you can't because of X, and that they could come over just for the day. I'm assuming that they don't have problems with driving at night.

[Anonymous]

I'm surprised most people think OP should put up with/embrace this. To me, that would be a lot.

[Anonymous]

Too much. Purposefully schedule conflicts either Friday or Sunday night, or plans you can't break Saturday. Honestly I couldn't handle 3 nights once a month.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Aren't they a part of your family? It's once a month! If they weren't visiting you'd be complaining they're only an hour away and could spend more time building a relationship with their grandchildren.

This. I would give my right arm to have my parents living closer and would never complain. It is one time a month for gods sake. They had to put up with you while growing up, why cant you accept they are part of the family?

To many people, there is a difference between the nuclear family and the extended family. My parents live in Europe, and I wish I would see them much more often (see them about once a year), but Fri-Mon every month? No way. And if they only lived an hour away, they would never dream of even staying more than one night.