Am I awful for wanting some family time?

[Anonymous]

My parents live 1 hr away and visit every 3-4 weeks. They used to arrive on Sat morning and leave on Sun afternoon. Now they arrive on Friday afternoon so they are there when we get home from work and leave on Monday morning. DH travels for work so weekends are important for us to have time with the kids. Previously when they left on Sundays, we at least had some time to do something in the afternoon/evening by ourselves with the kids. My parents are the best and I love them dearly and feel awful for wanting some time on our own. Am I being unreasonable?

[Anonymous]

Nope. Not unreasonable!

[Anonymous]

Aren't they a part of your family? It's once a month! If they weren't visiting you'd be complaining they're only an hour away and could spend more time building a relationship with their grandchildren.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Aren't they a part of your family? It's once a month! If they weren't visiting you'd be complaining they're only an hour away and could spend more time building a relationship with their grandchildren.

OP here. Yes, I hear what you're saying which is why I've felt so bad for feeling the way I do.

[Anonymous]

Aren't the other three weekends family time too? It is important for your kids to know their grandparents. They are your family. You are their daughter and they love you and your kids--parental love doesn't stop because you've grown up.

Either try to reframe how you think of their visits. If I were in your shoes, I'd be planning date nights once a month and running some errands or getting a manicure while they were there.

If you can't do that, then ask them to cut back but expect that their feelings will be hurt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nope. Not unreasonable!

This was me - just re-read thread - I thought they were coming every weekend. If its once a month, I think you shouldn't say anything unless you push it out to every 5 weeks, but I wouldn't say you need family time...

[Anonymous]

Yes. A little awful base on what you have said.

[Anonymous]

I think for people who live an hour away, a one night overnight every few weeks is reasonable.

My sibling and in-law used to only let my parents come every few months for 2 set hours and complain if they arrived late after driving 5 hours. Staying overnight was never an option. They were to get a hotel if they wanted to do that and then travel home the next day. Their family time was so important that they were not going to spare more than 2 hours in a weekend. They never could understand why my parents often declined such generous invitations and accused them of playing favorites with other siblings/ grandchildren.

[Anonymous]

OP, I agree with you. Just compromise. Tell your parents that you're fine with them coming on Friday, but on Sunday nights you need some time to relax and get ready for the week. I think that's completely reasonable.

[Anonymous]

OP here. This is what i thought too. Thanks all for the reality check!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think for people who live an hour away, a one night overnight every few weeks is reasonable.

My sibling and in-law used to only let my parents come every few months for 2 set hours and complain if they arrived late after driving 5 hours. Staying overnight was never an option. They were to get a hotel if they wanted to do that and then travel home the next day. Their family time was so important that they were not going to spare more than 2 hours in a weekend. They never could understand why my parents often declined such generous invitations and accused them of playing favorites with other siblings/ grandchildren.

This is not remotely what the OP wants to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Aren't they a part of your family? It's once a month! If they weren't visiting you'd be complaining they're only an hour away and could spend more time building a relationship with their grandchildren.

AGREE!!!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. This is what i thought too. Thanks all for the reality check!

OP here. Just to clariy I thought I was being awful for feeling this way too.

[Anonymous]

Once a month? I'd love my parents/in laws to come once a month! Use them as free babysitting while they're here and go out on monthly free date nights with your DH. Let them take the kids to do stuff while you relax. I'm actually really jealous.

[Anonymous]

OP, your feelings are your feelings. There's absolutely nothing wrong with setting reasonable boundaries just because a bunch of people on DCUM, who aren't living your life, are jealous of you. Or, just push down your feelings until you start getting resentful and blow up at them over something stupid. Whatever works for you.