Mother-in-law makes us say grace in my house

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In her house she can do whatever she likes. Why do ypu consider it wrong to teach your childten to be grateful for the food on their plate ? You sound like an entitled, ungrateful bitch who is rearing her childten to be equally entitled and ungrateful.

It's not very christian of you to say "bitch"

+1

It's easier to follow routines and memorize lines than to actually follow the teachings of Jesus Christ.

[Anonymous]

This isn't about religion and it's not that OP's MIL can't pray in OP's house. It's about the MIL imposing her beliefs/needs/customs on OP's family. It's about boundaries. If OP doesn't want this in her home, she and her DH need to establish a boundary and it is up to OP's DH to enforce it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What if it was reversed??

Op you and your family prayed, sang religious songs (whatever) in your home. But your mil was not religious.
Would you still pray at dinner at her house and have her pray with you?

I'm way far from religious, though as a family we have researched others religion and respect them.

I'm also the only non religious person in my family. So when my dh, dc, and I get together with them we respect what they do but we don't partake, unless we want to.
It was a long heated battle with my family for a while. Now they just accept it

Not OP, but no, I would not impose my religious practices on my host. I don't think OP would either. Her point was that MIL was disregarding the expectations and practices of the home in which she was eating. She simply took it upon herself to start a prayer ritual that involved everyone rather than a) asking first if others would mind praying with her b) praying herself or c) waiting for her hosts to begin the meal and following their lead.

[Anonymous]

Nobody can make you say anything you don't want to say. You can tell your MIL "If you'd like to say grace before eating we're happy to wait for you, but that's not what we do here." Though it'll get through to her more clearly if your husband, her son, says it to her.

If your kids ask what's going on or why they have to wait to eat, just say, "We're just waiting for Grandma while she does some religious stuff. We don't believe in that, but we can respect her belief by waiting for her because we're being kind hostesses."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nobody can make you say anything you don't want to say. You can tell your MIL "If you'd like to say grace before eating we're happy to wait for you, but that's not what we do here." Though it'll get through to her more clearly if your husband, her son, says it to her.

If your kids ask what's going on or why they have to wait to eat, just say, "We're just waiting for Grandma while she does some religious stuff. We don't believe in that, but we can respect her belief by waiting for her because we're being kind hostesses."

LOL! "Some religious stuff" -- yep, real respectful. OR you could try explaining what saying grace is, why some people do it, how different people approach thanksgiving, God, praise, religion, etc. differently.

[Anonymous]

^^^ more respect, less judgment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In her house she can do whatever she likes. Why do ypu consider it wrong to teach your childten to be grateful for the food on their plate ? You sound like an entitled, ungrateful bitch who is rearing her childten to be equally entitled and ungrateful.

It's not very christian of you to say "bitch"

+1

It's easier to follow routines and memorize lines than to actually follow the teachings of Jesus Christ.

It's not about love, it's about feeling better than someone else.

[Anonymous]

I'd let the grace pass but I'd definately talk about prayers.

[Anonymous]

Okay, I have to ask.

What denomination is she that she must sing a song after grace and before eating?

I am very, very curious.

[Anonymous]

Amazing the things that women on DCUM obsess about.

We don't say grace or have bedtime prayers but if my mother-in-law or other relative came over and wanted to say grace, it would be a non-issue. There are things worth making an issue about and there are things that are inconsequential.

No wonder there are so many women on the relationship forums who are just desperately unhappy people wanting out of their marriages.

[Anonymous]

I would just let it go. You'll have bigger battles yet.

[Anonymous]

I posted a similar post around the holidays, but it was my FIL who initiated the grace -- and as I was about to say a toast. It totally irked me. My feeling is our house/our rules. And my in-laws hold hands and sing grace (so that might be the song). They sing what they call a "kid-friendly" grace and try to get all the kids to join in. Not that I'm a germaphobe, but I particularly dislike the holding hands part, especially since I've just washed my hands before sitting down to dinner.

In any event, as much as it irks me, I let it slide. I know have a (big) glass of wine before sitting down to the table and I ignore it. My MIL blows everything out of proportion and I know that saying something would make matters worse.

[Anonymous]

If my MIL or mom were watching our kids and had asked them to say grace before bedtime I would have been fine with it. That really has never been an issue for us because my mom and MIL rarely (if ever) have watched our kids overnight. Reading a bible story/saying a prayer at bedtime actually sounds like a nice, comforting routine to me.

Same with saying grace at the dinner table. If mom or MIL wanted to say a blessing at every meal, that would not be an issue.

If, however, mom or MIL were using religion to instill fear, hate or guilt in my kids (not something my mom or MIL ever would do) - that I would have a BIG problem with. That is not grandma territory, IMO, and that would be a totally separate issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If my MIL or mom were watching our kids and had asked them to say grace before bedtime I would have been fine with it. That really has never been an issue for us because my mom and MIL rarely (if ever) have watched our kids overnight. Reading a bible story/saying a prayer at bedtime actually sounds like a nice, comforting routine to me.

Same with saying grace at the dinner table. If mom or MIL wanted to say a blessing at every meal, that would not be an issue.

If, however, mom or MIL were using religion to instill fear, hate or guilt in my kids (not something my mom or MIL ever would do) - that I would have a BIG problem with. That is not grandma territory, IMO, and that would be a totally separate issue.

I meant "say their prayers before bedtime"

[Anonymous]

I am not religious but my DH is. Parents are and ILs are too. When they want to my kids to follow certain practices I am ok with it as long as -

1) There is no expectation that I will continue the practice, participate or lift one finger to help in the ritual.

2) I will not force the kids to follow said practices if they don't want.

I am pretty tolerant about a lot of things ... and usually do not interfere with the individual bonds my kids have forged with relatives. I believe that everyone contributes something to my children life and it may not be how I was raised but the more they experience life and different people the more they will be able to deal with situations and people in life.

I think one thing I want for my kids is for them to become tolerant themselves, and tolerance has to be built.

If it was not family and some strangers would you not be polite even if they were annoying? So - I strive for politeness and detachment first before I let annoyance build up.