Mother-in-law makes us say grace in my house

[Anonymous]

We don't say grace before dinner. We're not that religious. My mother-in-law is. When we're at her house and she wants to say grace, that's fine. It just really bothers me when she makes us say grace when she's at my house. She also makes my kids say bedtime prayers when she watches them and I never do that. I feel like she's not respecting me. Am I wrong?

[Anonymous]

Is your DH on the same page as you are with this? Have you (or better yet, DH) asked her point blank not to do it? If so, and she still does it, then yes I agree she is being disrespectful. But if you expect her to read your mind, that's your problem.

[Anonymous]

My parents are religious in one religion and my DHs parents are religious in another. We think its great, and both sides are teaching them about the two religious while we remain not religious. We think it's fine as long as there is no disrespecting of other religions or disrespecting of us for not practicing one. It's good to let them know that there are different traditions with different people, and that we should respect all ideas. Also, we firmly believe that if they are exposed to it healthily, that they won't become freaky religious converts later in life.

[Anonymous]

What do you mean she "makes" you? If she just starts saying grace for herself at your table - she's free to do so and if you join in, it's your decision.

Regarding bedtime prayers - unless you've specifically told her not to, I don't see what the big deal is. You say you're "not that religious" which suggests you're mildly religious - if you're just a less observant member of the same faith, how is your MIL supposed to know you don't really like it? She may think she's reinforcing the religious you happen to still belong to.

[Anonymous]

religion*

[Anonymous]

You are not wrong at all - your house, your rules; your kids, your rules.. but you need to decide if this is worth taking on. I am not sure what you mean by 'make' -have you told her you disagree or would prefer that she not do it? If so, if she's that sanctimonious, you have to decide if you're willing to turn it into WW3, which it likely could - and you'd be giving up babysitting, too.

Personally, if 'grace' involved mention of Jesus or God I would absolutely take it on and let it be WW3 if it had to be, but if it were a generic 'let us give thanks' I'd probably let it go.

[Anonymous]

You said you're "not that religious," which means you are sort of religious. So, how does saying grace or doing bedtime prayers hurt you? If it's purely a power struggle, let it go. But if you think saying grace harms your family, stand up for yourself.

DH and I aren't religious at all, but couldn't give a rats ass who says grace in our house. We bow our heads and on we go.

[Anonymous]

my MIL is very, very religious. I have a zillion battles to pick with her, and i personally let this one go. She is also only at my house 1-2 times per year max, so it isnt often enough to make it a big issue for me personally.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, I don't get it. What's the big deal? What harm comes from saying grace & prayers? At the very least, it exposes your children to one form of worship/spirituality/religion. If this is bothering you so much, it must be indicative of a larger issue. Are there other areas where you feel like she is not respecting you? I would take a look at that and address the bigger issue. This doesn't seem to be worth it.

[Anonymous]

How does she say grace, and make you say grace?

Is it that she has a specific prayer, and everyone should say it at the same time? Or does she expect one family member to say a blessing, while everyone else at the table sits silently with bowed heads and says "amen" at the end?
In either case, I would just observe the moment with silence and bowed head out of respect. No big deal.

As far as saying prayers while she watches them, the easiest solution is to not have her babysit. Hire a babysitter who will follow your instructions because that is what she is being paid to do.

[Anonymous]

Waitta teach your kids intolerance by refusing to say grace when your mil visits. Thanks for teaching yet another set of spoiled and entitled children that they will never have to be accepting of others even if the other persons wishes/beliefs are different from their own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Waitta teach your kids intolerance by refusing to say grace when your mil visits. Thanks for teaching yet another set of spoiled and entitled children that they will never have to be accepting of others even if the other persons wishes/beliefs are different from their own.

not OP, but this isn't fair. If you want to be black and white about it, I would say that they *should* say grace at MIL's house, but at their own house, it is MIL who is being intolerant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Waitta teach your kids intolerance by refusing to say grace when your mil visits. Thanks for teaching yet another set of spoiled and entitled children that they will never have to be accepting of others even if the other persons wishes/beliefs are different from their own.

I don't define "tolerance" as "doing whatever other people want you to, regardless of what you think about it". Is that how you define tolerance?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Waitta teach your kids intolerance by refusing to say grace when your mil visits. Thanks for teaching yet another set of spoiled and entitled children that they will never have to be accepting of others even if the other persons wishes/beliefs are different from their own.

This is over the top. Telling some one she is not allowed to say grace in your home is intolerant - I mean, what's the point of inviting some one to eat at your house if you aren't going to welcome their practices that go along with it? But you don't have to join in and neither do your kids. There is a middle ground.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Waitta teach your kids intolerance by refusing to say grace when your mil visits. Thanks for teaching yet another set of spoiled and entitled children that they will never have to be accepting of others even if the other persons wishes/beliefs are different from their own.

Sounds like no one taught this to the MIL.