Mother-in-law makes us say grace in my house

[Anonymous]

OP - FWIW, this would bother me, but that is because we are pretty atheist and while our kids go to a Christian-based preschool and we generally believe in them learning about religion, I would be irritated with my MIL imposing her beliefs at my dinner table.

Agree though that this may not be worth the fight unless it happens frequently and is otherwise causing problems. I also think it is your husband's place to discuss with his mother.

I do find it ironic that the most "religious" posters seem to be the ones who are prone to calling OP names and being overall disrespectful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, I don't get it. What's the big deal? What harm comes from saying grace & prayers? At the very least, it exposes your children to one form of worship/spirituality/religion. If this is bothering you so much, it must be indicative of a larger issue. Are there other areas where you feel like she is not respecting you? I would take a look at that and address the bigger issue. This doesn't seem to be worth it.

OP here - I think this poster is probably right. For what it's worth, she makes us hold hands and say a set prayer and sometimes she sings after. But really, I think it's just she overall doesn't respect my position as the mom of my children and always trys to take control. I think last night this just set me off. I think I wouldn't mind it so much if she at least asked first. Like said, do you mind if we say grace. She never asks, she just does.

So, then address the real issue. Otherwise, you sound petty & intolerant (not my view, but a viable interpretation of your opposition to grace & nighttime prayers). Can you talk to her? Give her examples? I'd talk to DH first, to make sure he will back you up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In her house she can do whatever she likes. Why do ypu consider it wrong to teach your childten to be grateful for the food on their plate ? You sound like an entitled, ungrateful bitch who is rearing her childten to be equally entitled and ungrateful.

OP here again - let me guess, you're a mother-in-law.

Thank God, not yet. Someday and I promise you my DILs will complain constantly that I never see them, won't babysit for free, don't give them financial help.

[Anonymous]

OP, I posted a very similar issue a few months ago -- I think it's in the "Family Relationships" forum if you want to search.

For us, it was a hill to die on. Probably because it wasn't just about MIL sharing her beliefs -- it was really about her passive-aggressive commentary on how we are raising our kids (non-religious) and her need to impose herself on our decision. My husband finally told her "we don't pray here" and we talked it out (sort of). It's a little better now and it will be much better as we all get used to the new dynamic.

Bottom line, don't suck it up -- this isn't about your MILs personal religion -- it's about her trying to make it your kids' religion as well. Stand up for them and for how you are raising them.

[Anonymous]

OP already said the real issue isn't religion, it's not feeling respected and this is but one example of her perception and feeling that way. This doesn't seem to be about a battle on how (not) to instill religious principles.

[Anonymous]

^^^ In other words, this is but scene in a larger power struggle. Very normal, IMO, but something that needs to be addressed at the larger level. And something DH needs to back her on (like your DH did with the "we don't pray here").

[Anonymous]

No different really then someone wanting food prepared a different way in your own home or having any personal issue catered to. You have to decide if it is your house, your way (we don't pray so no one prays, we don't eat meat so no one eats meat, we take our shoes off so everyone takes their shoes off) or if you are okay with people doing things differently in your home than you do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No different really then someone wanting food prepared a different way in your own home or having any personal issue catered to. You have to decide if it is your house, your way (we don't pray so no one prays, we don't eat meat so no one eats meat, we take our shoes off so everyone takes their shoes off) or if you are okay with people doing things differently in your home than you do.

I disagree with this. It's one thing if grandma wants to pray on her own -- it's a whole other issue if grandma is insisting others join her. If someone wants to take off their shoes in my house, it doesn't mean I have to have them off as well...

[Anonymous]

I am extremely agnostic but I wouldn't have a problem with this. I'm OK with my kids seeing how the other half lives. Even in my house.

But if it really bothers you it is your preogative to put your foot down and say no. But is this really a hill you want to die on?

My daughter came home from a friends house where they pray and thought it was so strange that they were talking about "Amon". ("Amen") It won't warp their little minds. It took years and years of intense Catholic dogma to warp mine....

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

OP: It is probably habit to her. I think I would take a close look at why you have a problem with this.

[Anonymous]

But OP, have you or have you not asked your MIL not to do this, or told her it makes you uncomfortable? You have responded multiple times but avoided this question. If you've never told her how you feel you can't really get upset that she isn't complying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In her house she can do whatever she likes. Why do ypu consider it wrong to teach your childten to be grateful for the food on their plate ? You sound like an entitled, ungrateful bitch who is rearing her childten to be equally entitled and ungrateful.

OP here again - let me guess, you're a mother-in-law.

Thank God, not yet. Someday and I promise you my DILs will complain constantly that I never see them, won't babysit for free, don't give them financial help.

I'm sure your DILs will never complain about not seeing you. They will purposely not invite you over.

[Anonymous]

What if it was reversed??

Op you and your family prayed, sang religious songs (whatever) in your home. But your mil was not religious.
Would you still pray at dinner at her house and have her pray with you?

I'm way far from religious, though as a family we have researched others religion and respect them.

I'm also the only non religious person in my family. So when my dh, dc, and I get together with them we respect what they do but we don't partake, unless we want to.
It was a long heated battle with my family for a while. Now they just accept it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In her house she can do whatever she likes. Why do ypu consider it wrong to teach your childten to be grateful for the food on their plate ? You sound like an entitled, ungrateful bitch who is rearing her childten to be equally entitled and ungrateful.

It's not very christian of you to say "bitch"

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm sure you're not stopping her from saying a little prayer to herself or blessing herself before she picks up her fork. She just wants everyone else on the same page so she can feel like she has influence.