Help Me Learn How to Not Come Off As Abrasive

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you were a man you'd probably been seen as tough, confident and a leader. Only women have to get along. Signed, another woman who doesn't come off well because she usually speaks her mind and doesn't have time for chit-chat.

+1,000,000

That abrasive, agressive label for those of us with two legs instead of three is annoying as heck. I feel for you OP but I also applaud your attempt to make it right. I'm too old and surly to give a rat's arse but I'm also quite good at what I do and I am well respected at work. I have super high standards so the people who are working as hard or harder understand and don't judge; the lazy people are the ones who have an issue because I'm constantly pushing them to raise the quality of their work. It helps that I work with all men. I love it.

Oooh, this exactly. The smart competent people like me just fine. I’ve been told I need to change my style because I intimidated a new hire because I was so smart and picked things up so fast it made him feel inferior. Wtf?

I am one of those people who would probably find you abrasive and it’s not because I’m “lazy.” I just have a different personality and do things a different way. I worked with a woman who sounds a lot like you and she interpreted everything I did as lazy and un-earned. When I achieved a really high objective, she absolutely would not — could not — admit it, and instead downplayed my success as a fluke or happenstance. She was utterly toxic. In your case, rather than view your subordinates as lazy or weak, why not be a true leader and find a way to lift them up?

[Anonymous]

PP here. My comment was to the author of the bolder section above.