Is my SIL overreacting?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just what do you expect your brother to do? Take your side over his wife's? Not going to happen.

He does any other time his wife has her freak out moments with me or my mom.

Yoj sound like an absolute bitch of a sister in law with this comment.

Before I just thought you were entitled and a bit stupid about what is appropriate.

Now after seeing this comment I completely understand why your SIL freaked out on you.

You (and your mom) need to quit interferring in their marriage and quit trying to make her husband take your side.

Like it or not, that woman and her child are his primary family now. You are not. Your mother is not. Your goal needs to either be help them have a happy marriage with their family, or if you can't do that, butt out. Quit being so controlling, interferring and manipulative.

My mom and I will always be his and his child's family. Him and his wife can divorce anytime.

You sound as though you are (a) jealous of your SIL and (b) way too into your brother’s marriage. Please save your parenting skills for your own child and work on cultivating your own relationship with someone. You're going to become a wedge in your brother's marriage and the only person you'll truly hurt is your niece. Your brother can find a new wife and your SIL can find a new husband but your niece will be the one hurt by your behavior.

You are not the parent or the wife. Know your role and stay in your lane.

[Anonymous]

I have to send the OP a quick note to say I have done the same -- to a non-relative, whoops! Yes, your SIL over-reacted, but its her child, so its her perogative. Let it go.

I not think what you did was strange or gross. Holding a baby and eating grapes -- sharing is easier & more fun than putting her down to deal with a sharp knife. However, we do need to appreciate that other people have different levels of comfort with germs, spit swapping, dirt etc.

Take comfort in the fact that you have a great example of how not to over-react when you have children and also know that your more relaxed approach will hopefully help build your child's immune system.

Unfortunately, some moms do not have this luxury because of scary allergies or weaken immune systems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You were way out of line. I would be appalled if my SIL did this.

+1
OP you can do this with your own children NOT a child that is not yours. It's gross and it crosses a line IMHO.

I don't have any children.

[Anonymous]

I would not give any child other than my own, food from my mouth without their parents' okay. Thus, if my SIL told me to stop, I would stop immediately, and go get a knife to cut up the strawberries. Doesn't have to be a big deal with hurt feelings on either side.

[Anonymous]

If you love your brother, butt out of his marriage. Quit trying to make him take sides. Quit interferring. Quit getting involved, especially on the stupid stuff.

You will reap the rewards of what you sow. Be careful about what kind of inlaw you are because karma will come around and bite you in the ass som day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You were way out of line. I would be appalled if my SIL did this.

+1
OP you can do this with your own children NOT a child that is not yours. It's gross and it crosses a line IMHO.

I don't have any children.

and that's the point. When you have your own children you can do what you want. I would have gone off on you as well. You were out of line.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:FWIW, I don't think it's weird when a parent does it (I did) but do think its gross for a non-parent to do it. Just get a knife!

+1

Gross, OP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yikes--that sounds pretty unhygienic! I wouldn't want anyone (including me!) giving my child bitten food. I would be equally mad as the OP's SIL.

Yes. Especially since you had the nerve to argue with her that "she's your niece". WTF?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would never do that with someone else's kid. However, I do that with my kid and have no issue with my Mom doing the same with my DS (haven't had any other relatives do it). Your SIL did overreact, but it's her kid so I would have just apologized.

Re: cavities - while the bacteria can be transferred that way, the likelihood is quite small. For the Mom who's kid had cavities before 18 mo - either your dentist is overreacting (or making up fillings) or your kid has soft teeth. Despite the best oral hygine, some people are going to get a lot of cavities. There is a huge genetic component to cavities (brushing, floride, and sealants are still very important).

From my research and personal experience, I vehemently disagree with you.

[Anonymous]

From someone with 3 sisters in law:

1) You should only do this type of thing with your own kid. I would not even do it with MY sister's kid.

She should not have yelled, but you should have apologized.

2) You should encourage your brother to support his wife and be a family unit with her. This was a hard lesson for my sisters in law - who were not married at the time - to learn. Their brother married me and I am the mother of his children. His loyalty is and always will be with me. His mother always enouraged him to be loyal to me.

3) If you maintain a good relationship with your sister in law, she will reciprocate. When my sisters in law were acting like you and trying to make their brother pick them over me, I did not actively enourage him to have great relationships with them (but I never hindered his relationship with his family). Over time, they realized that in fact he did love me, I was not a bad person and now I go out of my way to have them be a very active and very important part of my husbands, my children and my life. They respect me as a wife and as a mother and never do things that would be against what their brother and I want for our children. Our kids love them very much and we all have a great relationship now.

Sounds like you have quite a bit of growing up to do - be careful or you may alienate your brother completely. Interestingly, I have forgiven and forgetten the way I was treated when we first got married by his sisters, but he still holds a small grudge.

[Anonymous]

Yuck! You could have herpes, hpv, virus etc. she was totally right.

[Anonymous]

I would have been pissed you gave my kid an allergen before we made sure it was okay for her to eat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So over the weekend, I was feeding my 10 month old niece some fruit (strawberries and grapes). I bit the fruit and half and fed it to her. My SIL (her mother) came in and how me do this and immediately flipped out. She told me not to feed her daughter food out of my mouth. I told her it’s not a big deal. She said it was and that she doesn’t know where my mouth has been (RUDE!). I said my mouth is clean and she’s my niece. She said well she’s NOT your daughter. Then she said when you have your own kids you can give them food out of your mouth, but don’t you DARE ever do that with my child again! I couldn’t believe it, I was so upset that I was in tears. I really think she overreacted. Should I tell my brother about this?

YUCK. Seriously. Maybe "flipped out" was an overreaction, but I would think you were a lunatic if you fed my child out of your mouth. Mouths are NOT clean. Your vagina is probably cleaner than your mouth in terms of bacteria, and I certainly would not want you feeding my child a strawberry you pulled out of your vagina.

A dog's saliva is cleaner than human saliva, but I would not want my child to eat something that had been in a dog's mouth, either.

My mind is completely blown that you would think this was okay. Aunt or not, it doesn't matter as far as germs are concerned.

You have nothing to "tattle" to your brother, but you might mention to him that you realize it was stupid to be feeding his child out of your mouth and that you will never do it again. Also, seriously, it's not your place to tell the child's mom what is a big deal to her and what isn't. I'm an aunt, and I can't imagine telling my SIL that what matters to her isn't important. I may not agree, but it's her kid, so I respect her boundaries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
My mom and I will always be his and his child's family. Him and his wife can divorce anytime.

In this country, if your brother and his wife get divorced, chances are that any time you and your mother get to spend with the child will be at the pleasure of his ex-wife.

P.S. Where are you from?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just what do you expect your brother to do? Take your side over his wife's? Not going to happen.

He does any other time his wife has her freak out moments with me or my mom.

Wow. Your brother is as much of a jerk as you are, then!