Is my SIL overreacting?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just what do you expect your brother to do? Take your side over his wife's? Not going to happen.

He does any other time his wife has her freak out moments with me or my mom.

Yoj sound like an absolute bitch of a sister in law with this comment.

Before I just thought you were entitled and a bit stupid about what is appropriate.

Now after seeing this comment I completely understand why your SIL freaked out on you.

You (and your mom) need to quit interferring in their marriage and quit trying to make her husband take your side.

Like it or not, that woman and her child are his primary family now. You are not. Your mother is not. Your goal needs to either be help them have a happy marriage with their family, or if you can't do that, butt out. Quit being so controlling, interferring and manipulative.

My mom and I will always be his and his child's family. Him and his wife can divorce anytime.

Wow. Your grammar is as piss-poor as your attitude. She is the family he CHOSE. His child is the family he CREATED with the wife he CHOSE. You're just the catty bitch whose unfortunate family he was born into. Your poor SIL.

[Anonymous]

I'm a germaphobe, so I wouldn't like anyone putting their mouth on my kids food, but I certainly wouldn't have yelled.

She may have some other issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:From someone with 3 sisters in law:

1) You should only do this type of thing with your own kid. I would not even do it with MY sister's kid.

She should not have yelled, but you should have apologized.

2) You should encourage your brother to support his wife and be a family unit with her. This was a hard lesson for my sisters in law - who were not married at the time - to learn. Their brother married me and I am the mother of his children. His loyalty is and always will be with me. His mother always enouraged him to be loyal to me.

3) If you maintain a good relationship with your sister in law, she will reciprocate. When my sisters in law were acting like you and trying to make their brother pick them over me, I did not actively enourage him to have great relationships with them (but I never hindered his relationship with his family). Over time, they realized that in fact he did love me, I was not a bad person and now I go out of my way to have them be a very active and very important part of my husbands, my children and my life. They respect me as a wife and as a mother and never do things that would be against what their brother and I want for our children. Our kids love them very much and we all have a great relationship now.

Sounds like you have quite a bit of growing up to do - be careful or you may alienate your brother completely. Interestingly, I have forgiven and forgetten the way I was treated when we first got married by his sisters, but he still holds a small grudge.

+1. OP, grow up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She over reacted.

It's funny because there was a study about how it is beleive that the rise in food allergies may be due to the fact that mothers in the US no longer chew food and give it to their babies. Women in other countries routinely do this. It is beleived that mothers chewing food first give the food some sort of protective properties. I think the article was in the NY times.

Post the article or stop spouting nonsense.

[Anonymous]

I don't think yelling is ever really appropriate unless you're in immediate physical pain or danger, so in that sense, I think your SIL was out of line in her delivery, but not her main message. Your behavior was also out of line, in my opinion, for a couple reasons:

1) You shouldn't feed some one else's child, especially a baby, without the parent's permission. It sounds like you were giving her 10 month old baby fruit without her knowledge. That would have been the first offense. I know you're the aunt but even my own parents ask me permission before giving my baby food. My brother even asked before giving my daughter water, which at the time we weren't because she was too young - but my point is that something that seems so harmless may still cross the line, so you need to ask. You don't know whether you're introducing something for the first time, whether the kid is allergic, has a rash, is on a special diet that day for whatever reason, or the parents may be planning another meal and don't want baby's appetite spoiled in the mean time. Babies and solids are a sensitive issue and you shouldn't take for granted that as the aunt, you get to feed baby whatever you like.

2) Obviously, sharing mouth germs is not your place. If the parents feel comfortable doing that, it's their call, but no one other than the parents get to do that. I know you were just trying to avoid a choking hazard by breaking the fruit up, but it was still out of line.

I would just apologize and let it go. Your SIL was probably just shocked and will get over it.

[Anonymous]

15:25 again, regarding telling your brother. If you want to bring it up with your brother, it should only be to apologize. Your brother took vows to your SIL and his happiness requires that he have a happy marriage. As his sister, you should strive to support his marriage in whatever way you can. In this case, letting go of your resentment over your SIL's reaction will be a great gift to your brother. It's also in the best interest of your niece that they have a strong marriage, so you should never ask your brother to pick between you & his wife.

I understand where you're coming from and if you think your SIL over reacts regularly, you might feel your brother is being oppressed. But you aren't making it any better by getting in the middle of it.

[Anonymous]

Now we know why poor SIL yelled. I agree with her. You OP are not only gross but also a horrible person. You deserved it.

[Anonymous]

you are gross and shouldn't have done that.

[Anonymous]

You sound like a little girl who still thinks her older brother and her daddy belong to her and no one is going to take them away. Grow up.

[Anonymous]

Wow. Major consensus on DCUM. OP, sounds like she told you at first to stop and you didn't listen. then she yelled. So, in that sense, I agree with her telling you and yelling at you. It's her kid.

I wonder if in a little bit there'll be a post from someone:

Crazy SIL

How do I handle my crazy SIL. She comes over and feeds my infant strawberries (an allergent) from her mouth. I tell her to stop and she keeps doing it, ignoring me and says "no big deal." She does this all the time. Then she calls her mom (my MIL) and complains about me and they both call my DH complaining about me. I'm at my wits end. I can't handle it anymore and I lose it. DH then gets on my case for losing it and "sides with his sister and mother."

[Anonymous]

Oh boy, the OP is nuts at so many levels, I feel really sorry for her SIL!



My mom and I will always be his and his child's family. Him and his wife can divorce anytime.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just what do you expect your brother to do? Take your side over his wife's? Not going to happen.

He does any other time his wife has her freak out moments with me or my mom.

Yoj sound like an absolute bitch of a sister in law with this comment.

Before I just thought you were entitled and a bit stupid about what is appropriate.

Now after seeing this comment I completely understand why your SIL freaked out on you.

You (and your mom) need to quit interferring in their marriage and quit trying to make her husband take your side.

Like it or not, that woman and her child are his primary family now. You are not. Your mother is not. Your goal needs to either be help them have a happy marriage with their family, or if you can't do that, butt out. Quit being so controlling, interferring and manipulative.

Yep. Her kid, her call. You don't have to understand their choices, but you do have to respect them.

Please never ever ever use, "But she's my niece!" as some kind of retort again.

Not your kid, not your call.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So over the weekend, I was feeding my 10 month old niece some fruit (strawberries and grapes). I bit the fruit and half and fed it to her. My SIL (her mother) came in and how me do this and immediately flipped out. She told me not to feed her daughter food out of my mouth. I told her it’s not a big deal. She said it was and that she doesn’t know where my mouth has been (RUDE!). I said my mouth is clean and she’s my niece. She said well she’s NOT your daughter. Then she said when you have your own kids you can give them food out of your mouth, but don’t you DARE ever do that with my child again! I couldn’t believe it, I was so upset that I was in tears. I really think she overreacted. Should I tell my brother about this?

That, right there, is the real problem. You don't get to decide whether it's a big deal or not, you are only the aunt.

And I agree that you sound like a nasty person who doesn't know her place as an SIL and doesn't understand what damage she can do to her niece and her brother by trying to drive a wedge between him and his wife.

[Anonymous]

OP, her manner was pretty extreme, and some of what she said was rude, but I TOTALLY agree with her that you shouldn't feed the baby with food that was in your mouth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would never do that with someone else's kid. However, I do that with my kid and have no issue with my Mom doing the same with my DS (haven't had any other relatives do it). Your SIL did overreact, but it's her kid so I would have just apologized.

Re: cavities - while the bacteria can be transferred that way, the likelihood is quite small. For the Mom who's kid had cavities before 18 mo - either your dentist is overreacting (or making up fillings) or your kid has soft teeth. Despite the best oral hygine, some people are going to get a lot of cavities. There is a huge genetic component to cavities (brushing, floride, and sealants are still very important).

From my research and personal experience, I vehemently disagree with you.

I read an interesting study, so long ago that I can't post it, that said that children tend mirror their mothers in how many cavities they get, and that adopted children mirror their adoptive mother. That certainly seems like support for the "bacteria" theory over the "soft teeth" theory.