hate the sound of my baby crying

[Anonymous]

People like the obnoxious pp make me wish I'd never found this website (and am now totally addicted)
As a FTM of a 3 month old, I am craving interaction with other moms (I'm the first out of all my friends) but I'm too nervous to meet someone like the judgemental pp who will jump down my throat or call me a horrible mom because my views differ.

I do what works for me.and what results in a happy and healthy baby and a happy mom and dad. Maybe that's breastfeeding,pumping, or formula feeding. Maybe it is co sleeping or DD in her own room. Why do people care and judge so much about what I do?

Vent over. I'm just getting so tired of posts being taken over by moms like this.

[Anonymous]

Relax, pp. First of all, you shouldn't care what others think about you or your parenting. Parent however you like, and own it. I think you are forgetting the ops issue: she can't take her baby's crying...that's why she posted. If she's committed to CIO, then she needs to suck it up. If she doesn't want to hear her baby cry, then she should pick him up. The PPs have derailed this thread with a silly sidebar conversation about how picking up THEIR babies NEVER worked (bc their babies were apparently ALWAYS over-tired and preferred to cry themselves to sleep). No one is judging you, pp. Relax.

[Anonymous]

I'm the pp you are telling to.relax. this post was just the tipping point for me. It happens on almost all threads relating to co sleeping, birth, breastfeeding, sleep training, etc. It is just tiring that women attack each other constantly for doing things differently. This.post just happened to receive my vent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:10:37 again: it DOES work. I held my babies until they were drowsy or almost asleep and then put them down. For one of my little guys, I had to hold him until he fell soundly asleep. And please note, I am not a FTM....I have four (including an infant), so I know what I am talking about. Guess what? Kids sleep through the night when they are ready, so dont try to rush it by attempting to train them. Many five month olds don't sleep through the night....if he's sleeping for a five hour stretch, then count that a a win. And to the pp who said I was an idiot: I assure you that I am not. I am, however, a btdt veteran mom. If crying bothers the op, then she should pick up her baby and soothe him. This is parenting 101.

Mom of 3, who is an older sibling of 6 with lots of nieces, nephews, etc.

I completely agree with you.

The trick though, is that you have to keep yourself calm and soothing when holding the crying baby. Easy to say, but hard to do. If you are stressed to tears yourself, baby will pick up on it.

Another trick is to walk them around outside in the dark until they are calm and drowsy. Works like a charm, at least 70% of the time

[Anonymous]

These are deeply personal choices, and some folks feel like they are being judged personally when the reality is that people are just voicing their opinion or defending their point if view. Just do what's best for you, and don't worry what other people think. Having said that, be sure not to be preachy about your choices. Just bc you breast feed, do CIO, whatever, doesn't mean it's the best thing/right thing for everyone. CIO is very controversial. And sometimes new moms feel compelled to do it, and then seek assistance on dcum when they struggle with it. And some of us try to help these folks understand that they don't have to continue doing it...it's ok to pick up your baby. I get where you are coming from with "why can't we just support each other," but the reality is there really is no common ground when it comes to CIO.

[Anonymous]

Pp, you are right and obviously since I'm not at the point of figuring out if CIO is right for us, I have no opinion. Just something about pps judgyness and preachiness set me off because I see it on too many threads. Don't know why this one was the one to do me in!!! But I don't want to derail OPs post...sorry OP

[Anonymous]

I'm the PP whose baby hardly ever cries. Whoever said I was probably a FTM was right, and I'm sorry if I came off sounding like a jerk. I see so many threads about sleep training and CIO and leaving your kid to scream for 2 (or 4 or 6) hours and it makes me feel really defensive, like somehow I am doing something wrong because I don't leave my child to cry. I feel very wrongly that she shouldn't have to feel in distress if it is not necessary, so I do whatever I can to make her happy. I get the impression from some of you that that makes me a bad parent, hence the defensiveness.

Do what works for you and your child. If you don't want to let them cry for a second, don't feel like it makes you any less of a parent.

[Anonymous]

I think pretty much everyone hates the sound of their baby crying. Have you ever met a parent who liked the sound of a crying baby?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the PP whose baby hardly ever cries. Whoever said I was probably a FTM was right, and I'm sorry if I came off sounding like a jerk. I see so many threads about sleep training and CIO and leaving your kid to scream for 2 (or 4 or 6) hours and it makes me feel really defensive, like somehow I am doing something wrong because I don't leave my child to cry. I feel very wrongly that she shouldn't have to feel in distress if it is not necessary, so I do whatever I can to make her happy. I get the impression from some of you that that makes me a bad parent, hence the defensiveness.

Do what works for you and your child. If you don't want to let them cry for a second, don't feel like it makes you any less of a parent.

I'm the one who thought you sounded like a jerk I was being defensive, too, I'm sorry. I can't imagine that anyone would judge you for responding to your child's needs. I certainly don't. And I often wish I had an easy baby--my second one was easier than the first but still had some issues--like cried for every single car ride he went on for the first 5 months of his life for no apparent reason. When it feels like every other baby slept happily in their carseats (including his same-aged cousin) I was very frustrated and exhausted. For me, doing sleep training after months and months of holding, nursing, rocking and attempting the whole drowsy but awake process but having it fail WAs attending to my child's needs. I also can't stand to hear my babies cry, when my second hated the car, we would get home from wherever we were going and I would drop everything in the front hallway and sit and nurse him right there. My DH thought I was insane to not take him up to the glider in his room, but hearing him scream for so long was pure torture and I couldn't let it go one more second.

I just wish that people wouldn't have this image of parents who sleep train as monsters who are sitting on the couch watching tv and eating popcorn while their baby cries. Most of us are crying at the same time, I was. It wasn't done without a second thought, I deliberated and delayed the training until I couldn't do it anymore. And I wasn't doing it for my "convenience" either, neither kid slept through the night for months and months and months after sleep training. We attended to their needs and I nursed when they wanted to be nursed but they didn't come out being able to out themselves to sleep and we would be up 10 times a night with my first one. A pp mentioned that she was probably overtired and you are absolutely right. Pediatrician ruled out reflux. She's an amazing sleeper now which I am grateful for because when she was young, I couldn't do the dishes without waking her up. Well-meaning people who say "just make noise around the baby" doesn't have a baby that woke up on hysterics when you did the dishes an entire floor down--it's hard to not stop doing the dishes, you do what you can to get your overtired baby to sleep, right?

Anyway, I just plead for the anti-CIOers to have a little sympathy and realize that even though something worked for your 4 babies it doesn't mean it worked for mine, and it doesn't mean I'm a cold terrible mother, it just means we had to use different tools to get our child to where they need to be. My sensitive 5 year old? Still cries every single day. No she's not an easy kid and wasn't an easy baby, and while I was green with jealousy of those who had easy babies at the time, I love my little girl, she's an amazing person and I am confident that I didn't damage her by letting her cry, we are extremely close

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People like the obnoxious pp make me wish I'd never found this website (and am now totally addicted)
As a FTM of a 3 month old, I am craving interaction with other moms (I'm the first out of all my friends) but I'm too nervous to meet someone like the judgemental pp who will jump down my throat or call me a horrible mom because my views differ.

I do what works for me.and what results in a happy and healthy baby and a happy mom and dad. Maybe that's breastfeeding,pumping, or formula feeding. Maybe it is co sleeping or DD in her own room. Why do people care and judge so much about what I do?

Vent over. I'm just getting so tired of posts being taken over by moms like this.

Pp make me a promise: you will turn off dcum today and go look for a new moms group in your area. Or just chat with any other new mom you know. I promise you these controversies do not come up in real life - moms are just too grateful to have someone to share with!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the PP whose baby hardly ever cries. Whoever said I was probably a FTM was right, and I'm sorry if I came off sounding like a jerk. I see so many threads about sleep training and CIO and leaving your kid to scream for 2 (or 4 or 6) hours and it makes me feel really defensive, like somehow I am doing something wrong because I don't leave my child to cry. I feel very wrongly that she shouldn't have to feel in distress if it is not necessary, so I do whatever I can to make her happy. I get the impression from some of you that that makes me a bad parent, hence the defensiveness.

Do what works for you and your child. If you don't want to let them cry for a second, don't feel like it makes you any less of a parent.

You are kind of missing the point. Nobody would ever advocate CIO just because. People do CIO because they are having terrible sleep problems. By definition, if you feel that soothing your baby at night is working for you and her, great! But the reason people CIO is because it is NOT working - and is NOT making the baby happy to be unable to sleep, either.

[Anonymous]

Getting back on topic ... Op, don't you find that at 5 months you can distinguish between cries? I think that is right around when my baby started using crying to communicate more clearly - a fussy cry, a bored cry, yelling just to get my attention, and the truly upset cry. All of those cries still bother me, but I can stand them, except for the truly upset. One big thing for me was to realize that the baby cries with me a normal amount if he is fussy, and I don't find it unbearable because I am caring for him. But say hearing him fuss with dh while I am showering puts me on edge. I just started telling myself, "there is nothing wrong with baby, dad is taking care of him, you need to shower to get to work. ..."

[Anonymous]

Op, maybe someone has already said this - or maybe not, since this appears to have devolved into CIO vs anti CIO - but my experience was that I would definitely respond to my baby's actual, upset cries. She also had loud, complaining cries where she wanted something done, but it wasn't anything truly upsetting (like discomfort, hunger, etc.). Those just didn't have the same effect on me in terms of stress level. Not sure if your baby has different types of cries at this point, but it could be helpful if you can distinguish.

[Anonymous]

8:09 here - oops just saw the previous poster's message! Well, plus 1 as they say.

[Anonymous]

OP I did not read all the posts (I dont have time) but to respond to your initial post -- I was the same way. The sound of my baby crying was like torture for me. I literally would have run someone down in order to get to my baby to get him to stop crying. I had NO IDEA how someone could possibly even fathom doing Cry It Out. I think that's a normal response. My child is 2 now and it's better, I still don't ever do CIO but him crying does not stress me out as much as it was when he was a baby. I think this is a normal reaction anyone who says otherwise is insane.