hate the sound of my baby crying

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ftm here. I never imagined hearing my baby cry would bother me so much. I feel desperate when he cries and try to keep myself from getting frantic to fix whatever is the cause. This is impeding sleep training of course and I don't want to let him cry at all. Hes 5 months. Anyone have tips?

I just wanted to go back to OP's original words because of all the people who have said, "This is natural!" "This is normal!" and so forth...I don't necessarily think we should encourage these feelings of frantic desperation...

I definitely have felt this way, but I think maybe even the moms of 3 and 4 (just have 2 myself) can chime in and give tips how not to feel this way: because even if you are anti-CIO, don't you all feel like you became more effective parents once you could respond to your babies' cries calmly, without feeling frantic and desperate? We don't even really know what OP meant by "sleep training;" maybe she is doing the same method I've tried to use-- put baby down drowsy, pick up as soon as baby starts to cry, and is being derailed by her overwhelming fear that baby WILL cry if she puts baby down awake. And maybe she meant extinction. Who knows. But I do want to ask: how many of you who try to soothe your babies' crying truly felt those overwhelming feelings of anxiety, desperation, being frantic when baby cried? Do you feel that was helpful? Or were you, like my mom counseled me to do and showed me actually helped baby more, calm, able to set your baby down for a moment, check her diaper, test to see if she was hungry, check for discomfort somewhere (e.g. a hair wrapped around her toe), and so forth without sobbing yourself and feeling like a horrible failure?

OP, the thing that helped me the most was just remembering, over and over, that crying is communication, not criticism. You know? I think so many of us are perfectionists in every respect of our lives that the jarring crying doesn't just make us want to love and help our babies, it makes us feel something deep and personally wrong in our own egos. And it is a difference I have kind of observed in myself and the other "DCUM"-type demographic that I don't necessarily feel is totally natural. Trust your instincts if you don't want to let baby cry alone in a crib in a dark room-- that's something, as PPs have noted, that most people do NOT do unless driven to the brink of sleep-deprived misery-- but I agree w/ your original question: it is helpful to get tips on how not to feel totally frantic when baby cries!

[Anonymous]

OP here. Wow - had no idea the post would touch such a raw nerve! Thanks to all who gave helpful tips about how to chill out when my baby is crying. He is starting to have different cries now (or at least, I can tell the difference), so I really only get crazy when it is the sad or super upset cries. All cries bother me, but those 2 are the kind I just can't handle. As for sleep training- I'm definitely not on on the 'extinction' path as that might put me in the crazy house, but I definitely understand why some do it. we're going to try to do something between no-cry sleep solution and ferber since he does wake up about 8 times a night. Sigh.

[Anonymous]

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