hate the sound of my baby crying
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Anonymous
| But it isn't working for op. yes, all babies are different, but I don't think babies are opposed to being held. Maybe the fussy babies the pp is referring to had reflux or werent being fed enough. |
Anonymous
Do you mean this part alone, as mom of 4 seems to, or are you putting these things together? I, too, have found the sound of my babies' crying horrific and crazy-driving; I would do ANYTHING to help them stop! I actually had to lecture myself, over and over: crying is a healthy sign. It's how they communicate their needs. And that need is not always simply "pick me up, hold me." I hope the mom of 4 and PP were responding in the context of talking about CIO only, because sometimes it's totally normal for babies NOT to be soothed by having a loved one pick them up, murmur to them, rocking them, singing, whatever. The challenge is to figure out what they're trying to say. For my baby right now, for instance, often it is: put me down on my back, massage my tummy, and bicycle my legs because I have gas. I guess I just want to say that wanting to respond is a natural, good response to a baby's crying, but that (a) not always being able to figure out what baby needs or soothe her is OK! you are not a Mom Failure if sometimes, no matter what, you can't seem to soothe your baby, and the sound of a baby's crying is SO VERY agitating that sometimes parents DO end up being abusive or getting to the end of their rope and being impatient because they think the worst thing is to leave the baby alone for a bit-- it SO isn't, and if you need a break from baby's crying, getting it can make you feel so much more refreshed and able to be loving and comforting again and don't let any competitive moms convince you otherwise; if they never had a baby who cried even in-arms, they never had a very typical newborn. Oh, and (b), reading the attachment parenting books often made me feel like babies who are held, worn, whatever NEVER cry, and like if your baby cries, it's a result of our horrible modern lifestyle-- cribs, strollers, pack and plays, bouncers, and so forth-- and the simple solution is just holding. Not so. Both of my babies frequently cried in my arms, or when I was wearing them-- which I did frequently-- and it was often because they were overtired or overstimulated, or had various normal baby aches and growing pains. I felt better soothing them through these things, but it didn't always stop their crying, and that often made me feel like a failure (partially because of the Competitive Moms Club; see above). So...you do what you can to try to respond to the need that is causing your baby to cry. And when you feel yourself going TOO crazy, you step back, take a few deep breaths, b/c exhaustion can cause us to be a little bit crazy, too. Good luck, OP, no matter what you decide to do. I always try to picture my baby's smiling, laughing, flirting face in those crying moments, and remember that she is not unhappy with me or criticizing to me, she is just venting to me in a foreign language. |
Anonymous
| Seriously, PPs: if your baby cried all the time, then the baby probably had reflux (and you failed to address it). Babies don't cry all the time unless there is a problem. |
Anonymous
My 3 year old was and is the same way. It's kind of comforting, actually, to realize that it was her temperament, not pain, and not dislike of me! -Defensive mom above 
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Anonymous
DS was not a fussy baby all the time and he did not cry all of the time. He just WOULD NOT fall asleep and stay asleep until we sleep trained (using CIO). Attempting to hold him to sleep or cosleep was a disaster. His siblings on the other hand, were easygoing easy babies who fell asleep easily and barely required any sleep training at all. Just because we used CIO does not mean we ignore our kids at other times or neglect them or ignore medical issues. People on this thread are pathetic. |
Anonymous
| To 13:10 - I'm all for responding to a baby's needs when he cries. And the reality is that when a baby cries when he wakes up in his crib at night, it's likely that the (OP's 5 month old) baby needs to be picked up, changed, and fed. That's just common sense. |
Anonymous
| Hey 13:15, I wasn't talking to you. I was talking to a pp who literally said her baby cried all the damn time (her words). I think most of us would agree that this woman is either exaggerating or missed the signs for reflux (or whatever the problem was bc babies don't cry all the time). |
Anonymous
Or her baby was overtired. Overtired babies are very fussy. |
Anonymous
Then you haven't met my daughter (4 mo) She would cry and cry and cry for two hours (or more) while I held, rocked, shooshed and swayed, until one night when I desperately needed to attend to an ill toddler and set her down in her crib while she was mid-wail. Lo and behold she went right to sleep. I tried it again the next night - sleep. Turns out she just could not fall asleep in our arms unless completely exhausted. She'd fight sleep like crazy. Crib = less crying and more sleep! |
Anonymous
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CIO may not work for everyone, but that doesn't mean it doesn't work for anyone. OP sounds like she wants to try it.
OP -- I also get really unnerved when my baby cries and I can't easily soothe her. I'll start getting upset myself and wondering what's wrong. I just try to remind myself that she won't remember how upset she was. My mom says I cried all the time as a baby - I have no recollection of it, nor do I seem to have any long-term ill effects. We did Ferber at 6 months. DD was already sleeping through the night for the most part, but we were spending 2 hours every night rocking and swaying and bouncing her to sleep, and she would cry for 1 hour and 40 minutes of that time anyway, so it's not like she was happy with the status quo either. The first night, I cried as much as the baby, until DH sent me to the basement. I spent the next 3 nights in the basement with a book and my Ipod while DH did the sleep training. It was not easy for anyone and I admit that I could not have done it on my own. BUT, our daughter was one of the babies that Ferber worked for and, looking back, I genuinely feel that it was one of the best things we've done for her. After a few nights, she would fall asleep on her own within 5-10 minutes, with no fussing at all. There was also a big difference during the day - she was noticeably happier and calmer. Probably because she wasn't spending over an hour fussing and crying and getting over-tired each night. So, if you want to try some form of CIO sleep-training my advise is: (1) see if DH, your mom, or a friend will do the hard work for the first 3 nights while you hide out of earshot; and (2) remind yourself, over and over, that your child will not remember this, and (hopefully) will come out on the other end more well-rested and happier. But, even if you give it a week and CIO doesn't work for you, your baby still will not remember that week when he's 7. He just won't. |
Anonymous
| This is because you are biologically wired to help your child when he or she is crying, which is one of the many reasons CIO is NOT recommended and can cause brain damage. |
Anonymous
Plenty of babies can't be soothed to sleep in arms - that is the reason why people end up doing sleep training, because the babies can't be soothed to sleep or it takes so long/so many repeated wakeups that they aren't getting any sleep . I guess you've just been lucky. |
Anonymous
The only study on crying and brain damage was on abused neglected children in an orphanage. Normal sleep training which involves crying such as Ferber is usually done by caring parents who want to have well-rested children (and be rested in order to parent) who are responsive, meet their child's needs, and most importantly provide tons of love. The most recent sleep training study out of Australia said that both "camping out" (sitting in the room during sleep training) and Ferber did not have any ill effects. As a study it too had flaws, but not nearly so many as the orphanage one. |
Anonymous
NP here, whaaat are you talking about lady? Babies ABSOLUTELY get over-tired and sometimes attemps to hold and soothe just delay much needed sleep. crashing from absolute exhaustion does not equal good sleep. That being said, do whatever you need to do as a parent, all babies are different and if your baby prefers to be held while sleeping- great! |
Anonymous
This is obnoxious. Don't you realize not every baby has the same temperament? Happy for you and your terrific experience, but those of us with extremely fussy babies are working just as hard as you are to meet their needs, and form secure attachments, and be good parents. Try to remember this when your baby hits her first difficult phase. |