Husband leaves doors unlocked

[Anonymous]

Does your alarm system make a sound when it is set/disarmed? If DH opens the door after I go to bed, I will hear the alarm being disarmed and wake up. I also hear if he sets it when he returns. Also, if you have sensors on all your windows and doors you shouldn't have to check them all the time, as the security system won't arm if something is open (though it may be unlocked).

I like the idea of the automatically locking combination lock. I may have to get one myself.

[Anonymous]

After 1000+ fights with DH about this very issue, we settled on a fee for each offense. Everytime DH left the door unlocked, he had to pay me $20. He stopped forgetting pretty quickly.

[Anonymous]

Wow. Where the heck do you all live? I live in Prince George's County, grew up here, and sometimes remember to lock my doors. My husband, on the other hand, grew up in very safe rural New England and is an OBSESSIVE locker. Gets frustrated with me. Instead of it being a turn on, it's a turn off. Don't be so paranoid!

Like one of the PPs said, every time my car was broken into, it was locked. They actually did more damage smashing windows and then the damage to the steering column when they actually did take it once (it was recovered). When I lived in DC, it was easier to just leave it open. Please Mr. or Mrs. Crackhead, rifle through, take the contents and do not break my window again.

I'm not sure realistically who will be breaking into your home in the early morning hours (when spouse is out for a run). Most burglaries are when people are NOT home. Our burglaries around here --- though very rare -- happen in the daytime.

You do hear about the egregious home invasions -- but I think you'd be more likely to be chosen for the next space shuttle mission than have this happen to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:about 40% of the time when I check at night, one of the doors is unlocked. I feel really discouraged now as it is an offputting sloppy habit. It is as if he does not care about the safety of his family.
Kids are getting to the age where I can start showing them how to lock up. I have a plan to upgrade the security system.
I can't explain it, but this habit really turns me off, like he is saying, "here world, come take my family, attack my kids, it's OK". I don't get a sense of any paternal instinct.

My husband does the same thing; I have the same feeling about it. Probably visceral. We have dogs, so I have less fear than frustration and yes, it's a turn-off. That's biologically-based in my opinion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, thanks for all the comments.
The problem is that if I want to go to sleep before he does I am nervous that he will walk the dog and come in without locking up. So I am always getting up to check. I am the sentry. Even on vacations he does not have his guard up as one should. Cars not always locked.
My routine is checking front and back doors. In summer I check windows that the kids might leave open. I check the door to the basement and sometimes basement doors that we rarely use. I check the garage doors and door to the garage and check the cars. One is parked outside with the garage door opener in it. Again, about 40% of the time one door leading to the outside is open. Last night it was the garage door, wide open. Nothing stolen, I think that he walked the dog and did not lock it. NO dog is worth that, and believe me, I am starting to think about whether the dog is worth keeping. One of my parents expressed concern about this sloppiness, it is just a turn off, can't explain it any more than that.

The dog IS worth keeping, because no matter how nice the dog is, trust me, if an intruder comes in, it will turn into Cujo. That dog is your best deterrent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP here. The problem is DH's blatant disregard for OP's concerns. My DH is like this, too. I would love a viable answer.

Yep. Mine actually scoffs at me. Does this about a lot of things. Arrogance is a terrible curse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow. Where the heck do you all live? I live in Prince George's County, grew up here, and sometimes remember to lock my doors. My husband, on the other hand, grew up in very safe rural New England and is an OBSESSIVE locker. Gets frustrated with me. Instead of it being a turn on, it's a turn off. Don't be so paranoid!

Like one of the PPs said, every time my car was broken into, it was locked. They actually did more damage smashing windows and then the damage to the steering column when they actually did take it once (it was recovered). When I lived in DC, it was easier to just leave it open. Please Mr. or Mrs. Crackhead, rifle through, take the contents and do not break my window again.

I'm not sure realistically who will be breaking into your home in the early morning hours (when spouse is out for a run). Most burglaries are when people are NOT home. Our burglaries around here --- though very rare -- happen in the daytime.

You do hear about the egregious home invasions -- but I think you'd be more likely to be chosen for the next space shuttle mission than have this happen to you.

Yes, you do hear about them. Like the Harvey family from Richmond. I'd rather take the extra second to lock my doors than risk something like that happening.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:about 40% of the time when I check at night, one of the doors is unlocked. I feel really discouraged now as it is an offputting sloppy habit. It is as if he does not care about the safety of his family.
Kids are getting to the age where I can start showing them how to lock up. I have a plan to upgrade the security system.
I can't explain it, but this habit really turns me off, like he is saying, "here world, come take my family, attack my kids, it's OK". I don't get a sense of any paternal instinct.

Your reaction seems a bit dramatic OP.

[Anonymous]

My husband used to do this and it would drive me crazy. He also leaves all the cabinet doors open. Maybe there's a correlation. Anyway I lock all the house doors every night. Or I ask him if he's locked them and I go through each one. He's much better about it now.

[Anonymous]

I forget to lock the doors all the time. The other day I even left the keys (care and house) in the lock on the outside of the door overnight! I am just forgetful like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:about 40% of the time when I check at night, one of the doors is unlocked. I feel really discouraged now as it is an offputting sloppy habit. It is as if he does not care about the safety of his family.
Kids are getting to the age where I can start showing them how to lock up. I have a plan to upgrade the security system.
I can't explain it, but this habit really turns me off, like he is saying, "here world, come take my family, attack my kids, it's OK". I don't get a sense of any paternal instinct.

Your reaction seems a bit dramatic OP.

+1000

The chances of having an actual home invasion/rape/kidnapping are really, really small.

Paranoia and fear-mongering is deeply unattractive. Poor DH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:about 40% of the time when I check at night, one of the doors is unlocked. I feel really discouraged now as it is an offputting sloppy habit. It is as if he does not care about the safety of his family.
Kids are getting to the age where I can start showing them how to lock up. I have a plan to upgrade the security system.
I can't explain it, but this habit really turns me off, like he is saying, "here world, come take my family, attack my kids, it's OK". I don't get a sense of any paternal instinct.

Your reaction seems a bit dramatic OP.

+1000

The chances of having an actual home invasion/rape/kidnapping are really, really small.

Paranoia and fear-mongering is deeply unattractive. Poor DH.

Funny, half the people I know have had either their car or home broken into.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:about 40% of the time when I check at night, one of the doors is unlocked. I feel really discouraged now as it is an offputting sloppy habit. It is as if he does not care about the safety of his family.
Kids are getting to the age where I can start showing them how to lock up. I have a plan to upgrade the security system.
I can't explain it, but this habit really turns me off, like he is saying, "here world, come take my family, attack my kids, it's OK". I don't get a sense of any paternal instinct.

Your reaction seems a bit dramatic OP.

+1000

The chances of having an actual home invasion/rape/kidnapping are really, really small.

Paranoia and fear-mongering is deeply unattractive. Poor DH.

Reading this thread I am feeling incredibly lucky to have my significant other, who, being an OCDish door locker himself, has been able to make total peace with me not locking doors since we moved in together over a year ago. I am very scatterbrained, and several years ago, after locking myself out more times than I care to admit, I weighed the very high likelihood that I will be unable to enter my own house, and end up wasting a lot of my own and other peoples' time to get in, against the small risk that someone will break in and steal my $100 TV and $300 laptop, and stopped locking doors. I do lock when alone or with just DC in the house at night, or when going on vacation -- when I remember to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow. Where the heck do you all live? I live in Prince George's County, grew up here, and sometimes remember to lock my doors. My husband, on the other hand, grew up in very safe rural New England and is an OBSESSIVE locker. Gets frustrated with me. Instead of it being a turn on, it's a turn off. Don't be so paranoid!

Like one of the PPs said, every time my car was broken into, it was locked. They actually did more damage smashing windows and then the damage to the steering column when they actually did take it once (it was recovered). When I lived in DC, it was easier to just leave it open. Please Mr. or Mrs. Crackhead, rifle through, take the contents and do not break my window again.

I'm not sure realistically who will be breaking into your home in the early morning hours (when spouse is out for a run). Most burglaries are when people are NOT home. Our burglaries around here --- though very rare -- happen in the daytime.

You do hear about the egregious home invasions -- but I think you'd be more likely to be chosen for the next space shuttle mission than have this happen to you.

My husband is this way too and it drives me nuts. I generally lock doors but I'm not concerned if someone forgets. Seriously people, the whole world isn't out to get you and your stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:about 40% of the time when I check at night, one of the doors is unlocked. I feel really discouraged now as it is an offputting sloppy habit. It is as if he does not care about the safety of his family.
Kids are getting to the age where I can start showing them how to lock up. I have a plan to upgrade the security system.
I can't explain it, but this habit really turns me off, like he is saying, "here world, come take my family, attack my kids, it's OK". I don't get a sense of any paternal instinct.

Your reaction seems a bit dramatic OP.

+100.