Husband leaves doors unlocked

[Anonymous]

OP, it may help you to look at this more as a sin of omission than a sin of commission. Yes, it is sloppy, but it's not deliberate.

Can you have a locksmith change the doors to a code system for locking, i.e., doors lock automatically and you need a code to enter?

[Anonymous]

If you're already in bed - don't get back up. When he comes to bed, ask him to please go check and make sure all the doors are locked.

(Does he cop an attitude with you about it? i.e., it's not that big a deal to him if the doors are not locked? does he think you're being overly cautious? does he not realize how much he does it?)

Nothing but sympathy here. This fall, my DH decided to go running in the mornings before work. He would go out the front door and come back in that way. I come home from work before him and would find, every time, he had not remembered to lock our FRONT DOOR. I was livid. He literally would just forget. He was surprised every time that I told him I had come home to find the door unlocked. We never solved the problem - he stopped running when the weather got colder.

[Anonymous]

I grew up in Canada so often people say 'did you ever lock your doors growing up' like they think we don't!

We grew up in a home where doors were always locked, day and night, and so did DH so that's our routine. Maybe he didn't grow up with that value? Actually the only one it used to occasionally annoy was my dad if he was using a chainsaw or mowing the lawn... because he was always saying 'if I'm working with equipment and have an emergency and the doors locked I won't be able to get in quickly, etc'.

I'd feel the way you do... Unless he's daft, he'd have to know it's a safety issue so it's just habit. I think it needs to be part of his nightly routine... if he 'hooks it on' to another part of his routine, he'll remember... maybe a sticker on his phone or lightswitch he uses/grabs at night? Some sign on the br mirror?

[Anonymous]

Sometimes men need to hear something from an outside authority and not their wives, unfortunately.

OP, call your local police department and ask to have an officer come to your home to do a security assessment and talk to you and your husband about ways to improve your security.

A couple of years ago there was a series of burglaries in our neighborhood and my neighbors organized a meeting with the police to discuss the problem, get info on the state of the investigation, and find out ways to make our homes more secure. It was incredibly helpful, and the officer who met with us was FANTASTIC. Of course the first thing he said was to lock our doors whether we're home or not and to use our alarm system if we have one. (Many people have them but regularly fail to set the alarm.)

He also encouraged us to schedule a time for an officer to come walk around our home and point out any obvious vulnerabilities in our security or characteristics of our property that would attract burglars.

I'm sure an officer would tell your husband that he's potentially endangering his family.

Most police officers, like firefighters, are more than happy to educate the public and help people take steps to prevent tragedies. It's their calling, and they're a great resource. Use it. And good luck.

[Anonymous]

I can relate OP. My dh is the same way. He never locks the door. He leaves early in the morning for work and before we had a garage he would leave the front door unlocked. Now with the garage, he often forgets to close the entire garage door as he leaves. I wake in the morning , shower, get kids ready, etc. and won't even know that the garage is wide open until I'm leaving to take the kids to school. In our old house the master bedroom was above the garage and I would listen for it to close as he left and would go down and close it if he forgot. We've moved and now it's impossible for me to know without just getting up when he leaves and checking.

He forgets most nights when he gets home too, so I always check before going to bed. I lock all the doors, turn on the porch lights, etc. every night. I tried for many, many years to get him to change but it hasn't worked. Better luck to you!

[Anonymous]

I have a great idea. You should stage a mini break in. Take a can of spray paint and vandalize a few things. Take away a tv or a computer. Nothing major but just enough to get the point across. Make it obvious that some things have been taken or shuffled through then use this as an opportunity to be sure that your family always locks up moving forward

[Anonymous]

I would ditch the husband and not the dog! Why is this the dog's fault that your husband is an idiot?

Get an automatically locking door from a locksmith, similar to a hotel. Problem solved. Now he'll just have to remember to bring keys when he is outside...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can relate OP. My dh is the same way. He never locks the door. He leaves early in the morning for work and before we had a garage he would leave the front door unlocked. Now with the garage, he often forgets to close the entire garage door as he leaves. I wake in the morning , shower, get kids ready, etc. and won't even know that the garage is wide open until I'm leaving to take the kids to school. In our old house the master bedroom was above the garage and I would listen for it to close as he left and would go down and close it if he forgot. We've moved and now it's impossible for me to know without just getting up when he leaves and checking.

He forgets most nights when he gets home too, so I always check before going to bed. I lock all the doors, turn on the porch lights, etc. every night. I tried for many, many years to get him to change but it hasn't worked. Better luck to you!

There is a device you can buy that plugs into an outlet and is hooked up somehow to your garage door and will let you know if it's still open. I briefly rented a house that had this. Sounds like it would help you out. When you get up in the morning, you could check to see if the light is red or green and know instantly if the door is open or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a great idea. You should stage a mini break in. Take a can of spray paint and vandalize a few things. Take away a tv or a computer. Nothing major but just enough to get the point across. Make it obvious that some things have been taken or shuffled through then use this as an opportunity to be sure that your family always locks up moving forward

What a great idea. And you can also waste the police department's time in taking a fake report.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:about 40% of the time when I check at night, one of the doors is unlocked. I feel really discouraged now as it is an offputting sloppy habit. It is as if he does not care about the safety of his family.
Kids are getting to the age where I can start showing them how to lock up. I have a plan to upgrade the security system.
I can't explain it, but this habit really turns me off, like he is saying, "here world, come take my family, attack my kids, it's OK". I don't get a sense of any paternal instinct.

My DH does this. We had a huge argument about it. He's much better but I don't trust him to do it. I still check every night. And routinely find unlocked doors. It drives me insane.

[Anonymous]

OP and PPs, I feel your pain. Unless I am I'll or away, I go to sleep after everyone else. I check all the doors and turn off all the lights. The best you can do is remind, remind, remind. I have post-it's next to all doors leading to the outside and I use different colors and move them around so people notice them.

[Anonymous]

Another DW whose DH does that same thing--makes me insane. He grew up in the suburbs and never locked his doors at home and I grew up in the city with a paranoid mother who locks the door behind her no matter where she is. DH never locks the car door either and I am always having to make sure he locks it when we go out and park the car.

I have no advice but to keep hounding him and eventually he may catch on. I also agree that the dog may be your best defense--I would think the dog would be the first to alert you in the event someone was lurking around your house, whether the doors are locked or not.

[Anonymous]

It's not sloppiness, why do you keep calling it that?

It's a choice. He thinks a break-in is very unlikely. I agree with him. I tend to lock doors but don't care if someone forgets. Woman here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a great idea. You should stage a mini break in. Take a can of spray paint and vandalize a few things. Take away a tv or a computer. Nothing major but just enough to get the point across. Make it obvious that some things have been taken or shuffled through then use this as an opportunity to be sure that your family always locks up moving forward

Creative thinking, but terrible idea. Setting aside the whole "it's a bad idea to deceive your spouse" thing, if the spouse thinks there's been a break-in, he's going to report it to the police, right? Police investigate, it's possible they'll find out the crime was staged: staging a crime's a crime.

Also, you never know what can go wrong with a well-meant, but shady plan like that. An extreme example: several years ago, there was a murder case about a respected law enforcement official who wanted to move from his house way out in the country into town. His wife was resistant. The evidence pointed to this scenario: the official paid a man to stage a break-in, thinking that would convince his wife to move from their remote location. Instead of simply breaking into the home, however, the man caught the official's wife at home, raped and murdered her. The law enforcement official was tried and convicted.

[Anonymous]

I have to say that I'm pretty shocked at how many husbands seem to be cavalier about locking doors. Where do all of you live?