Husband leaves doors unlocked

[Anonymous]

about 40% of the time when I check at night, one of the doors is unlocked. I feel really discouraged now as it is an offputting sloppy habit. It is as if he does not care about the safety of his family.
Kids are getting to the age where I can start showing them how to lock up. I have a plan to upgrade the security system.
I can't explain it, but this habit really turns me off, like he is saying, "here world, come take my family, attack my kids, it's OK". I don't get a sense of any paternal instinct.

[Anonymous]

our neighbors used to leave their doors unlocked. Then an intruder got in without even having to make an effort.

Ask DH to please be more proactive about locking up. It is honestly the best way to prvent crime against your own home. Tell him you want to show the kids how it's done and you'll need him to help.

Then have the kids call him out when they are checking locks...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:our neighbors used to leave their doors unlocked. Then an intruder got in without even having to make an effort.

Ask DH to please be more proactive about locking up. It is honestly the best way to prvent crime against your own home. Tell him you want to show the kids how it's done and you'll need him to help.

Then have the kids call him out when they are checking locks...

Great advice! I'm sure she's never ASKED him before. Thank goodness you gave her that brilliant suggestion.

[Anonymous]

I feel like this is a guy thing; I've known a lot of men but only one woman who consistently left the doors unlocked in a major metropolitan area. The men seemed to think that nothing bad was likely to happen, and if it did, they could handle it. (The woman described herself as a flake who was always forgetting her keys. Eventually she was a flake who was robbed.)

[Anonymous]

Wow. My husband is super-diligent about locking up and goes into a frenzy if we forget to lock the back door. We have deadbolts galore and an uber-security system. Don't know what to tell you. Either let him know this makes you feel unsafe or make sure that you lock up before you go to bed.

[Anonymous]

I have heard that intruders have a way of checking doors with the hopes that they find an unlocked one and often they do

[Anonymous]

I think your assumption that he doesn't care about you or the kids getting abducted /attacked is not going to help in any way in getting him to lock the doors.

I grew up in the country, my parents still don't lock their doors, even if they go on vacation. I don't have an incredible fear of child abduction or even a break-in. I often leave the doors unlocked while I am home, although I do remember to lock them at night most of the time.

[Anonymous]

Have your DH read about the Harvey family and see if that gets him to start locking up.

[Anonymous]

No amount of asking, pleading, cajoling, getting angry, stating the same "you don't care about our safety" conversations has changed my husband either. It all falls on deaf ears. It also drives me ballistically crazy. No advice to you, just a little misery loves company.

[Anonymous]

We lock our doors all day and all night. We're in an urban area, and it makes no sense to leave our doors unlocked ever. People wander through our (very nice) neighborhood knocking on doors, checking to see if people are home. If you leave your door unlocked, it just makes it easier for these people. We keep our security system on always, even when running out for a brief errand. At this time of year, there are always more break-ins.

OP, have a talk with your DH when you are calm, and tell him you don't feel secure with unlocked doors, and ask him nicely, for you, to please keep the doors locked, especially at night. Even in rural areas, it's a good idea to lock the doors at night. You never know. A friend grew up in a rural area, and one night an escaped prisoner hid in the family's barn! It was pretty scary when the state police knocked on her family's door looking for the guy. They kept their doors locked at night after that!

[Anonymous]

Just check the doors yourself every night, or ask the kids to do it as a bedtime game.

I forget to lock quite often, and DC is always happy to call me out.

[Anonymous]

Show him this thread. Perhaps print it out and place in his briefcase. Burglars and rapists will go down a block, trying doors until they gain entry. A criminal who enters a dwelling at night is the most dangerous as he willing to take the risk that he will confront the homeowner. There is high likelihood that grievous harm would come to any occupants in the dwelling if they were to venture out to get a glass of milk or use the bathroom in the middle of the night. Please consider the risk to your family. Yes you are strong DH. But you may asleep when all this is happening.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think your assumption that he doesn't care about you or the kids getting abducted /attacked is not going to help in any way in getting him to lock the doors.

I grew up in the country, my parents still don't lock their doors, even if they go on vacation. I don't have an incredible fear of child abduction or even a break-in. I often leave the doors unlocked while I am home, although I do remember to lock them at night most of the time.

I don't understand your reasons for not locking the door...what is the downside? I can't see one. Is it just an ego thing that you think you're "braver" than the door lockers?

[Anonymous]

OP here, thanks for all the comments.
The problem is that if I want to go to sleep before he does I am nervous that he will walk the dog and come in without locking up. So I am always getting up to check. I am the sentry. Even on vacations he does not have his guard up as one should. Cars not always locked.
My routine is checking front and back doors. In summer I check windows that the kids might leave open. I check the door to the basement and sometimes basement doors that we rarely use. I check the garage doors and door to the garage and check the cars. One is parked outside with the garage door opener in it. Again, about 40% of the time one door leading to the outside is open. Last night it was the garage door, wide open. Nothing stolen, I think that he walked the dog and did not lock it. NO dog is worth that, and believe me, I am starting to think about whether the dog is worth keeping. One of my parents expressed concern about this sloppiness, it is just a turn off, can't explain it any more than that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, thanks for all the comments.
The problem is that if I want to go to sleep before he does I am nervous that he will walk the dog and come in without locking up. So I am always getting up to check. I am the sentry. Even on vacations he does not have his guard up as one should. Cars not always locked.
My routine is checking front and back doors. In summer I check windows that the kids might leave open. I check the door to the basement and sometimes basement doors that we rarely use. I check the garage doors and door to the garage and check the cars. One is parked outside with the garage door opener in it. Again, about 40% of the time one door leading to the outside is open. Last night it was the garage door, wide open. Nothing stolen, I think that he walked the dog and did not lock it. NO dog is worth that, and believe me, I am starting to think about whether the dog is worth keeping. One of my parents expressed concern about this sloppiness, it is just a turn off, can't explain it any more than that.

The dog is a good crime deterrent so getting rid of the dog isn't going to help you.