For those who have gotten divorced, what was the final straw?
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Anonymous
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For me he held a knife to my throat. PS this was someone not violent or mean at all, though rather controlling. But after I _once_ talked to an old high school classmate (no secrecy or cheating at all) his face turned into Mr Hyde and he threw a fit for a whole week, and in the next 6 months would accuse me of cheating, call me a whore, pick fights over nothing, leave at 2am threatening suicide. The knife thing happened 3-4 times.
I literally could not sleep at night at all, I slept when he left; , luckily my job was flexible. I'd stay up reading about murder-suicide and abuse. 75% spouse murders happen during and after leaving. I never told anyone. I kept cool till I could arrange to leave and move far far away. The divorce is still pending luckily no kids. PS he also became desperate for kids in this period . he seemed to sense I'd leave. He was not physically abusive otherwise, 90% of the time he was very nice and considerate., so strange. . |
Anonymous
I had kind of known for a while that I wasn't going to be able to stay trapped in that relationship for the rest of my life - the thing that finally tipped it for me was going to a wedding - the wedding of a woman my ex worked with, and a woman who I'd crushed on...hard. That woman and I had that kind of instant, powerful, eye-dilating chemical attraction, the first time we were introduced by DW. She was seeing someone (and I was obviously married) and of course, neither of us did or said anything inappropriate. A little over a year later, she dropped by our house while I was alone - ostensibly looking for DW, but made it clear she was there to see me. After an awkward few minutes (because we both were not going to misbehave), she left. I knew, she knew, but meh. That's not love, that's lust, but I was living in a dead, "roomates" relationship, and that was the promise of something better. About six months later, she accepted the guy's proposal and then six months after that, they married - DW and I went to the wedding. I remember vividly still (this is 14 years ago now) watching her in her wedding dress, and thinking that should be me up there with her. Right then and there, I decided I wasn't going to waste any more of my life in a dead relationship. No kids, no real ties. Done. We'd done counseling, we'd tried all sorts of things, for >7 years, and it wasn't going to change. Very happily re-married today. I very consciously avoided a TON of mistakes I made the first time. |
Anonymous
| I asked for something small (DH to come home early from work, with notice, so I could go to something important to me). He said no. |
Anonymous
| He destroyed, for the second time in a year, something with sentimental value of mine that could not be relaced. As punishment because I had dared to spend money without asking permission, to replace something else he had destroyed in one of his rages. |
Anonymous
| *replaced |
Anonymous
| When he put his fist through the window. |
Anonymous
Not the poster you quoted, but people like this don't fly their freak flag outright right away. Abusers tend to be very good manipulators. |
how could you not see the craziness of this man before you married him!
Anonymous
| One part emotional exhaustion due to years of depression, passive aggressive behavior and unemployment, coupled with some drunk driving and credit card debt. I knew I would become physically ill if I stayed, and I wasn't willing to have my financial future destroyed in order to do it. |
Anonymous
Thank you for saying this. People always want to blame the victim. This is why victims of abuse don't wan't to speak about it. |