My kid meets (and shares room) with my ex's new romantic interest. Am I crazy to worry about this?

[Anonymous]

OP when junior is with the ex next please please you need to go get laid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you said you found out about all this from friends. Your son never said it bothered him to you, and you never talked to your EX about it, it sounds. It sounds to me like you heard from your friends a woman came with your ex, then you thought back and noticed some misbehavior from your 7 year old, and put 2 and 2 together and decided to go after your EX with lawyers. You've got a tough road ahead of you if that's the way you're going to play it. Maybe you should have called your EX and gotten his side of the story, and tried to work something out with him. Instead, you've taken gossip and gone to the lawyers and started tossing around the idea of court orders and contempt. Come on. You KNOW there was a better way to handle this, you sound like you were just chomping at the bait to nail your ex's ass to the wall.

I asked my ex, he didn't respond. I was hoping for a good explanation that would ease my concerns.
Children process what happens in different ways. Mine can be silent for months before telling me something. I didn't want to interrogate him, don't want to hurt him with stupid questions. He was definitely very upset for a few days, but seemed to get better by the end of the week. Actual harm? Well, we are not talking about physical harm like bruises etc., but emotional can be bad and have long-term effects if not addressed. That's why I am looking into this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:By OP's original post she has no direct information on anything that happened with the ex's weekend. There's a whole lot of guessing and assuming the worst. OP's drawn a conclusion on what she thinks took place and is now taking up legal action. How are you going to prove anything for purposes of this legal motion and how will enforce it go forward?

Talking to lawyers is not legal action. It's consulting.
Why worry how I am going to proove something?

[Anonymous]

I liked the earlier poster that made the valid point around divorced & parenting. By default it is an imperfect scenario-- more imperfect than a household without divorce. The problem being that the two divorced parents can & do to often take legal steps to attempt to enforce perfect parenting. Shitty lawyers love this scenario as they can make tons of money off of two antagonist parties filing useless motions for years and year and years.

Original post begins with explanation/ context background around why OP and ex are behaving like children. In it is the mention of problems with or getting your child support due. Not following child support rules to the letter is a real and true legal matter. That's what you should focus your legal dollars and other resources on-- leave this other stuff alone. Give your post divorce relationship is so broken do you not expect your ex to surely respond in kind with his own pointless motions?

[Anonymous]

OP, you are most concerned about being 'right'. So you found enough people to agree with you. So you can move forward feeling vindicated and like a true hero for your kid. Looking forward to your next post about how- even more- terrible your ex is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:By OP's original post she has no direct information on anything that happened with the ex's weekend. There's a whole lot of guessing and assuming the worst. OP's drawn a conclusion on what she thinks took place and is now taking up legal action. How are you going to prove anything for purposes of this legal motion and how will enforce it go forward?

Talking to lawyers is not legal action. It's consulting.
Why worry how I am going to proove something?

Was your lawyer able to tell you then what actually took place on your ex's weekend? You still have no first hand account on which to base your superior outrage.

Why post a question on here if you only want responses that validate your point of view?

[Anonymous]

OP, find a good child therapist for your son to go through, to help him develop good coping skills for the stupid stuff his dad throws his way, as well as providing someone outside the family he can talk to. He may not want to tell you a lot of this stuff.

And see if you can get your ex's wages garnished for child support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:By OP's original post she has no direct information on anything that happened with the ex's weekend. There's a whole lot of guessing and assuming the worst. OP's drawn a conclusion on what she thinks took place and is now taking up legal action. How are you going to prove anything for purposes of this legal motion and how will enforce it go forward?

Talking to lawyers is not legal action. It's consulting.
Why worry how I am going to proove something?

Was your lawyer able to tell you then what actually took place on your ex's weekend? You still have no first hand account on which to base your superior outrage.

Why post a question on here if you only want responses that validate your point of view?

I was absolutely ready to listen to other views. That was why I posted this question and was looking for help.
At this point you are right, I got enough legal and other information to support my view that (a) it is something to worry about and (b) there is something that can be done legally if other channels don't work.

Thanks.

[Anonymous]

I'm late to the party, but I just have to post my thoughts.

I'm in the midst of a high conflict divorce. Given that my ex has borderline personality disorder and is also narcissistic and am lead to believe the OPs ex also has something similar that she either A). doesn't recognize as a mental illness or B). has chosen not to post that fact.

At any rate, OPs ex doesn't sound like the run-of-the-mill crappy ex. I, too, felt relief when my ex got a new gf because I believed it would take "some of the pressure off of me". It would give him another source for his narcissistic supply, thus relieving me of the barrage of vitriol spewed my way because he lacked one.

To the posters viewing this situation through a single lens (and slamming OP because of that), please realize there are other lenses. Not everyone divorced a mentally and emotionally stable individual. Because YOUR H gets along beautifully with his ex merely points to the fact that they are two whole people who love their kids enough to co-parent in a loving way. It is impossible to co-parent with a person who has a mental illness (not saying that this is the case with OPs ex) and you have to "keep score" because any one incident in isolation doesn't seem like much, but establish a pattern of incidents and you can make a pretty convincing case that ex's actions are emotionally detrimental to the child.

I am going through this now and I'm sure my friends IRL think I am being childish when I don't agree to seemingly benign requests from my ex. On another thread someone suggested that I stop discussing my situation with those friends who haven't BTDT. That is what I suggest to you OP. If your ex has some type of diagnosed or undiagnosed mood/personality disorder, then your thread title should include that. That way you can at least attempt to eliminate responses from people who don't know what the hell they are talking about and haven't a clue what you're are dealing with. Good Luck!

And I recommend bpdcentral.com for information on bpd & npd. If the description fits your ex, then you will find some helpful strategies for how to deal with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm late to the party, but I just have to post my thoughts.

I'm in the midst of a high conflict divorce. Given that my ex has borderline personality disorder and is also narcissistic and am lead to believe the OPs ex also has something similar that she either A). doesn't recognize as a mental illness or B). has chosen not to post that fact.

At any rate, OPs ex doesn't sound like the run-of-the-mill crappy ex. I, too, felt relief when my ex got a new gf because I believed it would take "some of the pressure off of me". It would give him another source for his narcissistic supply, thus relieving me of the barrage of vitriol spewed my way because he lacked one.

To the posters viewing this situation through a single lens (and slamming OP because of that), please realize there are other lenses. Not everyone divorced a mentally and emotionally stable individual. Because YOUR H gets along beautifully with his ex merely points to the fact that they are two whole people who love their kids enough to co-parent in a loving way. It is impossible to co-parent with a person who has a mental illness (not saying that this is the case with OPs ex) and you have to "keep score" because any one incident in isolation doesn't seem like much, but establish a pattern of incidents and you can make a pretty convincing case that ex's actions are emotionally detrimental to the child.

I am going through this now and I'm sure my friends IRL think I am being childish when I don't agree to seemingly benign requests from my ex. On another thread someone suggested that I stop discussing my situation with those friends who haven't BTDT. That is what I suggest to you OP. If your ex has some type of diagnosed or undiagnosed mood/personality disorder, then your thread title should include that. That way you can at least attempt to eliminate responses from people who don't know what the hell they are talking about and haven't a clue what you're are dealing with. Good Luck!

And I recommend bpdcentral.com for information on bpd & npd. If the description fits your ex, then you will find some helpful strategies for how to deal with him.

On the contrary, I think YOU are the one viewing this from only one lens. OP never mentions BPD or bipolar disorder in any of her posts about her ex. I think it's a leap to assume those issues exist if she never once brought them up. Also hard to believe that she just doesn't 'recognize' it.

[Anonymous]

OP,

Did your ex sleep in the same bed as his girlfriend? If so, that is really crosses the line.

I'd call your lawyer and also discuss this with your child's pediatrician.

I'm not following why if he sees your child infrequently he can leave his GF home for visitation.

You do not sound bitter to me. Ignore those posters!

[Anonymous]

OP, I too am shocked at the vitriol of some of these posters. Sounds like it is a crappy dad that routinely brings his dc's around the flavor of the month or the ow, now gf, that dad is bringing the dc's around.

As someone that was in a similar situation, I can tell you that judges do not take kindly to parents that are selfish and insensitive to their dc's needs. My ex wanted to pull that crap and the judge mopped the courtroom with his ass. Contrary to what others have posted, you can't just do anything you want where your kids are concerned. I could care less what ex does or who he does it with - however, I certainly do care and do have a say so where our dc's are concerned. I wish I could trust that ex would put dc's interests first but unfortunately that is not our reality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm late to the party, but I just have to post my thoughts.

I'm in the midst of a high conflict divorce. Given that my ex has borderline personality disorder and is also narcissistic and am lead to believe the OPs ex also has something similar that she either A). doesn't recognize as a mental illness or B). has chosen not to post that fact.

At any rate, OPs ex doesn't sound like the run-of-the-mill crappy ex. I, too, felt relief when my ex got a new gf because I believed it would take "some of the pressure off of me". It would give him another source for his narcissistic supply, thus relieving me of the barrage of vitriol spewed my way because he lacked one.

To the posters viewing this situation through a single lens (and slamming OP because of that), please realize there are other lenses. Not everyone divorced a mentally and emotionally stable individual. Because YOUR H gets along beautifully with his ex merely points to the fact that they are two whole people who love their kids enough to co-parent in a loving way. It is impossible to co-parent with a person who has a mental illness (not saying that this is the case with OPs ex) and you have to "keep score" because any one incident in isolation doesn't seem like much, but establish a pattern of incidents and you can make a pretty convincing case that ex's actions are emotionally detrimental to the child.

I am going through this now and I'm sure my friends IRL think I am being childish when I don't agree to seemingly benign requests from my ex. On another thread someone suggested that I stop discussing my situation with those friends who haven't BTDT. That is what I suggest to you OP. If your ex has some type of diagnosed or undiagnosed mood/personality disorder, then your thread title should include that. That way you can at least attempt to eliminate responses from people who don't know what the hell they are talking about and haven't a clue what you're are dealing with. Good Luck!

And I recommend bpdcentral.com for information on bpd & npd. If the description fits your ex, then you will find some helpful strategies for how to deal with him.

On the contrary, I think YOU are the one viewing this from only one lens. OP never mentions BPD or bipolar disorder in any of her posts about her ex. I think it's a leap to assume those issues exist if she never once brought them up. Also hard to believe that she just doesn't 'recognize' it.

I didn't mention NPD because it wasn't formally diagnosed. It was noticed/suspected by many people (counselors, lawyers, friends) and he does match NPD description. In any case, I didn't want this question to be viewed entirely from NPD/BPD perspective, though it is probably not that unrelated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She took a situation she did not like, Dad and new gf meeting kid- overreacted and got the lawyers involved. She started the post by talking about how a long and drawn out court battle is what put them down the road to no communication, and is headed there again.
This lets her paint herself as the one true parents who cars for the 'best interest of her child' and Dad as loose cannon.
Go ahead and get your court oder- and have fun getting enforced. Its not my kid, clearly... but I cannot stand it when grownups act like kids.

I would like to know who you are. You're CRAZY.

I've never heard of anything so disgusting as having your seven-year-old in the same hotel room as your HO. The poor child doesn't even know this woman.

You're also illiterate, and it's pretty obvious you're posting multiple posts.

[Anonymous]

Dear 1:26,
1. Yes, I am crazy.
2. Yes, I am illiterate.
3. Yes, I am now posting multiple posts.
Thank you for helping me learn so much about myself!