My kid meets (and shares room) with my ex's new romantic interest. Am I crazy to worry about this?

[Anonymous]

As much as this situation sucks for your child, you sound like a very angry, bitter ex. You may have good reason to be but that fact that your anger and bitterness is so palpable isn't good for your child either. You need to stop trying to find things to be mad about (a forgotten clothing item) and stop keeping score. given you are out to get dad about every little thing, dad is going to care even less about what you want. Honestly it sounds like for both of you - pissing off the other is more important than what is best for your child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My feeling is that the actual act of child, father, and father's significant other is generally fine, but was handled completely wrong in this case. Both you and your child should have been made aware that she was coming, and your child's first time meeting her probably should not have included an overnight with her. I feel sharing a space with someone like that so unexpectedly would be pretty tense for anyone, not just a kid.

So basically, my suggestion is that when you discuss this with your ex, lawyers, etc. you focus on the lack of communication on your ex's part that lead to this being a completely unexpected curveball, rather than taking issue with the three of them sharing a space overnight.

Can you imagine the war if dad had said something ahead of time? OP would have denied the visit if g/f was coming. I think the lack of communication was intentional as a way to make the visit happen and let child meet his significant other. I'M not saying I agree with child having to spend the night with the g/f but I can't see any other way for dad to get a visit and introduce g/f. OP and her ex sound very hostile towards each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why does dad get so little visitation? His choice or yours?

Seems distance is the issue. OP states the ex lives a few hours drive away. In lieu of actual visitation both parents should work on regular phone visitation for the father.

[Anonymous]

OP, divorcee here. Talk to your lawyer. See if you can get any restictions on the visitation. Example, no fornicating. Most judges aren't big fans of fornicators fornicating in the same room as a 7 YO child. Not unreasonable for you to ask that ex wait 6 months to introduce a new paramour and get two rooms - the second room is for the woman. He sleeps with his kid.

Also, there is a service (her in FFX anyway) which, if your ex is in arrears in support, will handle the communication and collection for you. I haven't used it but a friend did. Might be this service: http://www.dss.virginia.gov/family/dcse/index.cgi

[Anonymous]

Yes, OP you should restrict your ex's very limited time because he has a girlfriend. He must be punished. The child couldn't ever be acting out because he would like to be able to spend more time with the father. Paramour.. oh brother

[Anonymous]

Don't put this on the wife. The FATHER should make PARENTING his priority instead of getting laid. If he sees his child so seldom he should be able to put his romantic life on hold for one freaking day or weekend or visit.

[Anonymous]

How do you know the father was getting laid? Is it impossible to think he wanted to introduce someone important in his life?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do you know the father was getting laid? Is it impossible to think he wanted to introduce someone important in his life?

If the OP is correct in her statements about the effect this introduction had on her son, then the father used poor judgment in introducing a 7 year old to a romantic interest either at this time or in the way he did. If he wants to introduce someone important to the kid, do it at a park or a restaurant or during the day. Hotel rooms and sleeping arrangements do not need to be involved. If OP is accurate in her facts, the man's an ass.

What would you think if the woman picked up her child for visitation and, unknown to the custodial parent, took the kid to a hotel - where the kid spent the night in a hotel room with some man you never even met? And then the kid was upset for days afterward?

NOT the way a person who is sensative to a child's needs handles this important event.

[Anonymous]

OP please make this a legal matter and show the Court what a petty, controlling, vindictive person your ex is dealing with while trying to maintain some relationship with his child. Please ask the court for veto power on your ex's girlfriend and status updates on how long he's been banging her. Please go to court and ask that his 4 days a month being more limited because that is obviously in the best interest of your child.

[Anonymous]

The op never said they were having sex!

[Anonymous]

OP, while I think some of the earlier posters have been needlessly harsh on you, I agree that you should accept that your child's life will never be perfect and pick your battles. As a mom whose ex turned out to be a clueless father, I know how helpless and angry you must feel, watching your child have meltdowns after a visit with dad, wondering what happened that traumatized him so. But this is not something you want to involve the courts in at this point. Document what happened in case you need it in court later and move on.

[Anonymous]

OP here.

To all you guys (or girls) who think putting your sex partner in one room with your kid overnight is a good idea - I hope you think twice before actually doing it.

Talked to my lawyer and this is one of the things that courts can definitely address. Some people have it in the court order, meaning if you still do it, you will be held in contempt. If it still doesn't matter to you, than I hope you think if your kid really needs this, especially when your new relationship is in an early or unstable stage. And once it moves to a more stable stage, please figure out how to introduce your partner to your kid and your kid to your partner and how you will navigate them both through this new structure. I've been in those step-parent shoes and know how critical it is. It may help to read some literature on step-family issues.

It's not about my problem with someone getting laid or being in love or whatever. It's not about me being opposed to the new relationship. I am not. I am even for it as it may take some pressure of me.

Big thanks all who commented with the focus on child’s interest.

[Anonymous]

Wow, you really are all about making things difficult. Congrats on trying to drive a wedge between Dad and kid time. Awesome job, mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, you really are all about making things difficult. Congrats on trying to drive a wedge between Dad and kid time. Awesome job, mom.

What things?

[Anonymous]

She took a situation she did not like, Dad and new gf meeting kid- overreacted and got the lawyers involved. She started the post by talking about how a long and drawn out court battle is what put them down the road to no communication, and is headed there again.
This lets her paint herself as the one true parents who cars for the 'best interest of her child' and Dad as loose cannon.
Go ahead and get your court oder- and have fun getting enforced. Its not my kid, clearly... but I cannot stand it when grownups act like kids.