friend hurt my feelings with facebook post

[Anonymous]

OP Im not here to give you sunny advice, hug you and tell you its ok. If you want that babying type of sympathy you wont get it from me.

Im harsh because Im throwing it in your face to show you how silly you are for being caught up in this.

I havent insulted you except to tell you to get a spine. If my curse words seemed to have offended you, then you are a lost cause and overly sensitive individual who probably runs for the hills when someone comes up to you and says "boo".

Its not that serious. Im not going to tell you in a warm fuzzy way. Im going to tell you straight up and raw cause its completely bullshit that you are that caught up in someone's posting of an article on facebook

[Anonymous]

unless of course you want somebody to cry with you and get enraged, then you werent really looking for advice. you were looking for followers and kool aid drinkers to your bullshit

[Anonymous]

Get off Facebook and start living in real time.

I never was a fan. It is filled with all of the losers that have nothing going on. Every woman I know that is very active on Facebook is a pathetic loser. They spend all day crafting their image. It is a sickness.

Be too cool for that sh*t and walk on.

[Anonymous]

She is obviously insecure in some way. Really, it's astonishing the way FB reveals people's insecurities. They are intending to do the opposite. I've gotten caught up in it too, not saying I'm above it, my solution has been to basically stop posting on FB.

Take the high road. If you say something, YOU will look just as insecure. If you are truly comfortable with your choice, or at least want to come off that way, don't mention it!

[Anonymous]

You could have really taken the higher road. Something along the lines of, "I agree that babies' safety needs to be the #1 priority. After a lot of research and planning, we decided to have an attended birth at a birth center, with a transfer to a hospital if necessary. It's a terrific, safe option for people who for whatever reason aren't comfortable with a hospital birth."

Before I had kids , I wasn't aware of alternatives to delivering at a hospital (other than doing it at home, unattended). Why waste an opportunity to kindly educate people about your experiences? (I had a medicated hospital birth btw)

[Anonymous]

OP. So let me understand how this works. You go onto FB and accept a neighbor as a "friend", having no knowledge of her background or thoughts. Then you get upset that she voices her opinion and you think it is directed at you?

Are you a 14 year old?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP. So let me understand how this works. You go onto FB and accept a neighbor as a "friend", having no knowledge of her background or thoughts. Then you get upset that she voices her opinion and you think it is directed at you?

Are you a 14 year old?

dont talk to OP like that!

Ive already done so and been accused of being a sour puss.

Treat her with kid gloves ok? She needs a hug and talk to her in a baby voice and then voice your opinion but dont yell or curse or she'll start crying or running to another message board to find someone to sympathize with her

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You could have really taken the higher road. Something along the lines of, "I agree that babies' safety needs to be the #1 priority. After a lot of research and planning, we decided to have an attended birth at a birth center, with a transfer to a hospital if necessary. It's a terrific, safe option for people who for whatever reason aren't comfortable with a hospital birth."

Before I had kids , I wasn't aware of alternatives to delivering at a hospital (other than doing it at home, unattended). Why waste an opportunity to kindly educate people about your experiences? (I had a medicated hospital birth btw)

Actually, the higher road is to ignore it. This is OP's neighbor, not a "real" friend. You could spend all day educating "friends" on FB. I usually just hide people who post their opinions too often...even if I happen to agree with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am considering blocking all the Jesus-y people on fb. "Little Anne-Marie spit up so many times today. Thanking God for his bountiful blessings!" Really? And then grandma and the aunts chime in with, "Praying for Anne-Marie!" "In his divine mercy, you are a part of His plan!" "Loving Jesus for giving us our niece!" Anne-Marie is a perfectly healthy baby who happened to barf a bunch that day. I don't know why it rubs me the wrong way, but it does.

So do the politics people -- whether I agree or disagree. My husband gets worked up over the liberal posts of a family friend. My dad gets worked up over the liberal posts of a family member. I am on perpetual eye roll over the conservative posts of a member of a moms group I belonged to for a while. I remain silent.

I think it is natural to have the reaction you are having and I can't tell how old your kid(s) is/are, but I am guessing they are younger. Honestly, blow it off. Who gives a crap what her opinion is? Who gives a crap if she is judging you? All of the people who judged me in those early days for my decisions can't argue with my now 10 year old who is thriving.

OMG, ITA re Jesus thankers. STFU parents did a great post on this recently. I am sure Jesus has the time to be calming Anne-Marie's tum tum, far more important than anything else he has going on, naturally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. No it is not about vaccines! Look, here it is since people are now thinking maybe they offended their own friends. She's in DC so could read this, but I guess, I don't really care obviously.

She posted a link about a babies dying in childbirth. And wrote: "if you have a natural birth, especially out-of-hospital, and your baby dies, it is YOUR fault. You basically killed your baby or caused whatever problems it has. Have fun living with that just because you wanted it to be all about you. Selfish"

We had a midwife attended birth at a birthing center with a hospital back up / transfer option in case things went wrong, which they didn't. We are very confident about the decision and it's NOT that I can't handle conversation about it or even criticism. I asked what I thought was a valid question about how to handle in real life the fact that I was offended by something someone said on person.

Whether or not she was aiming this at me? I don't know. I know she knows where we had our daughter because she asked me if I liked my OB / hospital and I replied that we had DD in a birthing center and she didn't really say anything.

I personally think there are rude people who are rude again and again because nobody ever calls them out on it! Her friend who confronted her on her facebook page made her look really stupid, so maybe that will make her think twice before posting something so harsh again. Especially something she doesn't really understand. It's fine to just say you don't agree with something, but don't sit there and say you're at fault for a baby's death for any type of natural birth! Besides rude, that's crazy! Anyway, over it, and thanks for the feedback.

OP, I am the PP who said this woman was ignorant. This is like the people who say LOL after their argument about how abortion is murder. You cannot take someone who uses such casual language to discuss a serious topic of birth plans and maternal/infant health birth outcomes so seriously.

[Anonymous]

Delete and unfriend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. No it is not about vaccines! Look, here it is since people are now thinking maybe they offended their own friends. She's in DC so could read this, but I guess, I don't really care obviously.

She posted a link about a babies dying in childbirth. And wrote: "if you have a natural birth, especially out-of-hospital, and your baby dies, it is YOUR fault. You basically killed your baby or caused whatever problems it has. Have fun living with that just because you wanted it to be all about you. Selfish"

We had a midwife attended birth at a birthing center with a hospital back up / transfer option in case things went wrong, which they didn't. We are very confident about the decision and it's NOT that I can't handle conversation about it or even criticism. I asked what I thought was a valid question about how to handle in real life the fact that I was offended by something someone said on person.

Whether or not she was aiming this at me? I don't know. I know she knows where we had our daughter because she asked me if I liked my OB / hospital and I replied that we had DD in a birthing center and she didn't really say anything.

I personally think there are rude people who are rude again and again because nobody ever calls them out on it! Her friend who confronted her on her facebook page made her look really stupid, so maybe that will make her think twice before posting something so harsh again. Especially something she doesn't really understand. It's fine to just say you don't agree with something, but don't sit there and say you're at fault for a baby's death for any type of natural birth! Besides rude, that's crazy! Anyway, over it, and thanks for the feedback.

Okay, here's the way to be an adult in our very contentious society. Own your decisions, be proud of them, back them with your facts and reasoning and be willing to admit you're wrong IF you change your mind.

You made a choice that was a minority choice in this country in an area that is controversial. You know that there are people with strong opinions on this topic. If you are going to be offended by everyone who feels strongly that you made a poor choice, then you will find yourself very defensive very often. You need to grow a thicker skin, stand up for your belief that you did the right thing for your family and your child and that anyone who feels differently doesn't have any influence on your parenting style and choices.

There are many issues that people face every day akin to this. If you are homosexual or favor marriage equality. If you are Catholic (there is just as much Catholic bashing these days as natural birth bashing and I'm not even Catholic!), you are in for a lot of criticism. If you are pro-labor and on and on. We've become a very vocally contentious and verbally abrasive society. Learn to live with your decisions, and let others live with theirs. And go on and continue to believe that you are doing the right and best things for your family. And everyone can do the same for theirs.

[Anonymous]

With the election approaching, I expect to become annoyed by all kinds of things my "friends" post. But that is fine. They don't have to agree with me. I don't even want people to agree with me b/c what fun would that be?

Did you "friend" post something that was pretty insulting to a group of people? Sure. But who cares? So she thinks homebirths are stupid. Fine. She can think whatever she wants. I personally don't understand why people post their every thought on Facebook, but still. It shouldn't really bother you that much.

I have seen posts (especially after the Times cover of a mother breastfeeding her 4 yo) that went a lot like - anybody who breastfeeds their child past 12 months is disgusting, self-absorbed, [any other insult]. As a mother who very discreetly still nurses her almost 2 yo, I could choose to get offended. But I don't. They don't know my situation. They don't know why I have choosen to still nurse. And their opinions just simply don't matter to me.

I suggest you take a similar approach of simply ignoring these types of comments.

[Anonymous]

1. Hide her posts
2. Don't think of her as a friend (sounds like she is actually neighbor/acquaintance)
3. Realize the post may or may not be related to you.
4. Realize that she is the kind of person who posts on facebook the kinds of things that the rest of us have the sense to keep to ourselves (personally, I don't judge birth centers).
5. Be civil, but keep your distance.

[Anonymous]

Maybe she meant those with no hospital backup and at home.