friend hurt my feelings with facebook post

[Anonymous]

One of my neighbors posted an article on facebook that was very insulting and judgmental. I'm not one to take the bait, normally, but I find myself feeling really steamed. Basically, it was something that called into question the way I parent. The article was a little bit insulting, but the bigger problem was that she accompanied the article with her own judgmental comments about the subject. Then she proceeded to have an argument with another of her friends, and just added more insulting stuff!

My feelings are hurt and I'm not sure how to address it. I'm not going to have a comment war with her, but I feel like if i don't say something, I'm going to be pissed for a long time. While she's not a close friend (honestly, I don't like her much to begin with, she's the kind of person who has an opinion on EVERYTHING and wants to make sure you hear it) we see them socially and our kids are the same age. My husband says to just forget it, but I think she must know that I saw it and that it would hurt my feelings and just does not give a shit. I think DH would like it all to blow over because he is friendly with the husband, but he does think it was rude and odd.

I was thinking of just saying "why would you judge" or "what's it your business?" on the original comment. Or is htat too passive aggressive? I just kind of want her to know that yes, I saw the comment, and didn't appreciate it.

[Anonymous]

BTW, I'm being intentionally vague but I wanted to clarify that this isn't about bratty kids or anything, my child is still a baby.

[Anonymous]

YADDDDUP! why would you possibly care?

[Anonymous]

Had someone i know on fb post something offensive (like yours, not directed at me but at about something i believe in) so i defriended him and left it at that. Few months later his wife (was still fb friends with) contacted me to ask why i deleted her husband and i told her i found some of his posts offensive.


You seem to be overthinking this too much. I doubt it was directed at you, and you don't like her anyways. Just defriend her. Seriously it isn't worth your time and energy investing thought into this. So she has a different opinion and didnt go about addressing it the right way. Big deal and move on.

[Anonymous]

I would probably not say anything, but it would clearly impact how I interact with her in the future.

[Anonymous]

OP, she didn't mention you in her post, did she?

And if she just rambled on how, say, attachment parenting is wrong, well, it's her right. I don't think anyone was taking a stab at you, personally. People say all kinds of things at Facebook, if you don't like stuff they post, just hide them. That's what I did when someone I know started getting overly political.

[Anonymous]

OP, I know your feelings were hurt and you really want to saying something but I would like you to ask yourself something first . . . are you raising your children the way you feel is best? If the answer is yes then there is no reason for you to engage in any type of an argument with this women.

Every parent is doing what they feel is best for their family at a given moment and we need to give each other some slack. She has what she feels are valid reasons for disagreeing with your choices. I am sure you do not agree with all her choices has a parent either right? You just do not feel the need to broadcast them (you said she likes everyone to know her views).

Good luck with whatever you choose to do

[Anonymous]

Btw....i think you're going to come off as loony if you start posting a response or confronting her about it. It wasnt directed at you. If you start getting in a tizzy over every single person who expresses a different opinion or belief than you, you'll go insane. Just defriend or block and move on. You seem to be making a wayyyyy bigger deal put of it than is needed.

[Anonymous]

It's hard not to want to "get back" at someone, but really, you should be the bigger person and ignore. Or ignore and unfriend, and move on. If she's really trying to bait you, which I doubt, then responding is exactly what will keep it going (and, depending on what the actual topic is, give justification for her opinion---"See? I knew 'those kinds of parents' were crazy!"). If you ignore, it will die. Just vent here and move on. Life's too short. If you are confident in your parenting choices then her opinion doesn't matter.

Or, you may want to consider the option that your neighbor has strong opinions about parenting in general, but does not judge YOU personally. I am not a fan of CIO at all, yet my sister is the Queen of CIO, and I think she's a fantastic mother.

[Anonymous]

Step away from the computer. Remind yourself that you decide what makes sense for you and your family. It doesn't matter what is posted on facebook. Live on your own terms, and consider the rest of it just commentary that you might consider if you have the time or inclination.

Seriously. Don't waste energy.

[Anonymous]

I did this a few months ago on my own page. Someone commented and I respectfully disagreed. She took it as insulting her parenting style. I certainly didn't mean it that way and apologized profusely.

However, if you feel strongly about the way you parent, I don't think outside criticism should upset you this much. It's a neighbor with a different opinion. It's not like it's your husband or something.

And if your feelings are seriously hurt, it might merit some introspection to figure out why. Do you fell a bit insecure in your choice? Which is fine of course. I've felt that way before and it's helped me fine tune some of my techniques and even led me to change my mind on some things.

[Anonymous]

Let it go.

If she named you by name, I would say talk with her about it. Same if she were your sister or your very best friend in the world. But she's not. She's just a neighbor/friend who you don't even like. So why do her opinions bother you so much? Do you really think everyone should either (a) agree with you; or (b) censor their opinions so as not to offend you? Really?

Maybe she WAS thinking of you when she posted it. And maybe (likely?) she doesn't agree with some of your parenting choices. Ok. She's not the first and she won't be the last. People disagree (see pretty much every topic on DCUM.)

Over the years, some who disagree wiht you will keep their judgments to themselves. Others will talk about you behind your back. And still others will post about it passive-aggressively on FB or even . . . tell you to your face. It happens.

Now is the time to learn to let it go. And next time, trust your husband. It sounds like he has a good perspective on things.

[Anonymous]

This thread is useless without the OP's subject of offense

[Anonymous]

OP here. It was along the lines of "if you feed your child formula, you are poisoning him." That is not the exact issue, but it's an equivalent. It isn't a parenting style like attachment parenting or not. It is basically calling me irresponsible as a parent for making a different choice. (And it's not actually formula / breastfeeding, that is just an equivalent). Another equivalent would be natural birth / epidural. She basically came down hard on one side of the equation, which fine, she is entitled to her opinion, but she said basically "anyone who does X is just irresponsible and not putting their child's health first." So, since I happened to do X, I feel like pointing out that maybe she should not be so judgmental. Talking this over more with DH (yes, I know, shouldn't let this get to me so much) I guess it is possible she doesn't know we did what she's warning against, but I also think she is the type to say it fully aware that she's offending people and just not caring. I think that's my main problem. I woudn't care if it was just an opinion, but she was SO judgmental about it.

There are several people who are arguing with her now and I think one of her friends is about to unfriend her so it's not just me feeling offended. But I'm basically over it, and her. I've unfriended her on FB and if she ever notices and asks me why, I'll tell her. Not so sure how our in-person interactions will be in the future. As few and far between as possible, with any luck.

[Anonymous]

I am considering blocking all the Jesus-y people on fb. "Little Anne-Marie spit up so many times today. Thanking God for his bountiful blessings!" Really? And then grandma and the aunts chime in with, "Praying for Anne-Marie!" "In his divine mercy, you are a part of His plan!" "Loving Jesus for giving us our niece!" Anne-Marie is a perfectly healthy baby who happened to barf a bunch that day. I don't know why it rubs me the wrong way, but it does.

So do the politics people -- whether I agree or disagree. My husband gets worked up over the liberal posts of a family friend. My dad gets worked up over the liberal posts of a family member. I am on perpetual eye roll over the conservative posts of a member of a moms group I belonged to for a while. I remain silent.

I think it is natural to have the reaction you are having and I can't tell how old your kid(s) is/are, but I am guessing they are younger. Honestly, blow it off. Who gives a crap what her opinion is? Who gives a crap if she is judging you? All of the people who judged me in those early days for my decisions can't argue with my now 10 year old who is thriving.