more complaints about thank-you notes

[Anonymous]

I can't tell the difference between this thread and the no gift one .... rofl

Happy Friday!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Exactly -- you address the thank you notes at the time time you're addressing the invitations. If you can take the time to make sure DC has friends at the party, you can take the time to thank them for their gift.

I haven't received a paper invitation for a child's birthday party in years...probably not since they were in preschool.

Yes, and it would be wasteful because some percentage don't come to the party or bring a gift!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Exactly -- you address the thank you notes at the time time you're addressing the invitations. If you can take the time to make sure DC has friends at the party, you can take the time to thank them for their gift.

I haven't received a paper invitation for a child's birthday party in years...probably not since they were in preschool.

Yes, and it would be wasteful because some percentage don't come to the party or bring a gift!

It also seems really crass to me to address a thank you card at the same time you address the invitations. Like you are expecting a gift as the quid pro quo for the invite.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Guess I'm in the minority here, but I really don't care if we receive thank you notes. THey go straight into the trash anyway. Knowing everyone one here is so uptight over them, I do send them--knowing full well that eveyone throws them away within seconds. Colossal waste of time and energy all around. Guess it just makes everyone feel all proper and like they're not raising brats, which some are regardless of the "heartfelt" thank you cards.

Actually, we display ours on the mantel for a couple of weeks, so not everyone immediately tosses them.

Lmao...you display your thank you cards!? I get Holiday, Birthdays, Anniversaries and the like but I have never displayed any of my thank you cards, though unlike prior pp, I do keep all of my cards, including thank you cards.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I agree with this, and I, for one, could not give a fuck about receiving or sending thank you notes. I think most cards are waste of paper unless they actually have a personal letter written in them, saying more than just "Thank you for the doll, I like it very much". Sending a whole card and envelope with a stamp and everything is just not necessary when you can say thank you to the person either when you open the present at the party, or if they're not at your party, just say it to them the next time you see them. If someone mailed you a gift, I can see how maybe then a thank you note could be appropriate, but even then I'd rather send an email. I'm not sure why a card is better than an email.

THIS

[Anonymous]

I love writing notes of all types - postcards, letters, cards. I am sending paper invites to my son's party and I am writing thank you cards for any gifts. And I'll be happy about it, and I couldn't care less what anyone else does or thinks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hmm....how can you forget? Well, my dh works 70 hrs a week and is never home and, I suspect, having an affair. I have 3 young and very busy kids, 2 of whom likely have adhd. I have adhd. I also have a child with a chronic medical condition and mounting debts, and I have a parent w/ Alzheimer's who lives nearby and whose care I am responsible for coordinating, nevermind wanting to spend as much time with as possible before they slip away completely. Sorry I forgot the note. but that how. Thanks, btw, for adding to the stress in my life. Congratulations.

And I am a mother and a wife, a homeowner, have a full-time job with extra hours and a lengthy commute, and a chronic health condition which makes me tired all the time, not to mention plenty of other issues and responsibilities. But I can still manage to send thank you notes. They may not be the most timely, but they still get sent. We all have things going on in our lives that can be used as excuses. Whether or not we choose to do that is what sets us apart.

Hilarious. You call out someone else's sob story, and yet you think your sob story makes it okay to be delinquent with yours? Bha ha ha. You're no more correct than the non-writers. Also, every single manners guru out there says it is a breach not to thank a person for a gift (and actually, in person for a casual gift does the trick for the most established advice mavens) but it's a bigger breach to point out another person's breach of etiquette. Did you know, for instance, if someone begins to eat from the wrong butter plate or drink from the wrong cup that you are supposed to simply do the same rather than point out the other's mistake? It applies across the board. Pointing out bad manners is, well, bad manners.

Plus, most of you seem really, really mean. Is it really worth it to you that a tired, frazzled, frustrated and grieving mom sit down and hand write thank you notes when her sincere thank you in person was offered? Do you really fucking care about that so much that you would sit there and say to yourself, if my dear friend has 5 minutes to herself, I would MUCH rather her sit down and spend her only five minutes writing a note to me rather than have a cup of tea or close her eyes for a minutes. If so, there's a label for that, too, in addition to bad manners. It's called selfish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hmm....how can you forget? Well, my dh works 70 hrs a week and is never home and, I suspect, having an affair. I have 3 young and very busy kids, 2 of whom likely have adhd. I have adhd. I also have a child with a chronic medical condition and mounting debts, and I have a parent w/ Alzheimer's who lives nearby and whose care I am responsible for coordinating, nevermind wanting to spend as much time with as possible before they slip away completely. Sorry I forgot the note. but that how. Thanks, btw, for adding to the stress in my life. Congratulations.

And I am a mother and a wife, a homeowner, have a full-time job with extra hours and a lengthy commute, and a chronic health condition which makes me tired all the time, not to mention plenty of other issues and responsibilities. But I can still manage to send thank you notes. They may not be the most timely, but they still get sent. We all have things going on in our lives that can be used as excuses. Whether or not we choose to do that is what sets us apart.

Hilarious. You call out someone else's sob story, and yet you think your sob story makes it okay to be delinquent with yours? Bha ha ha. You're no more correct than the non-writers. Also, every single manners guru out there says it is a breach not to thank a person for a gift (and actually, in person for a casual gift does the trick for the most established advice mavens) but it's a bigger breach to point out another person's breach of etiquette. Did you know, for instance, if someone begins to eat from the wrong butter plate or drink from the wrong cup that you are supposed to simply do the same rather than point out the other's mistake? It applies across the board. Pointing out bad manners is, well, bad manners.

Plus, most of you seem really, really mean. Is it really worth it to you that a tired, frazzled, frustrated and grieving mom sit down and hand write thank you notes when her sincere thank you in person was offered? Do you really fucking care about that so much that you would sit there and say to yourself, if my dear friend has 5 minutes to herself, I would MUCH rather her sit down and spend her only five minutes writing a note to me rather than have a cup of tea or close her eyes for a minutes. If so, there's a label for that, too, in addition to bad manners. It's called selfish.

+50,000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People, people. It's nice to give gifts - not for acknowledgement or status but because you care about the recipient. Whining about not getting a thank you note is almost as rude as directing people to buy a gift card or to not give a gift. I think we have all lost perspective and we are now motivated do these things out of obligation.

If I were to complain about anything, it would be the goodie bag. Please stop with the goodie bag. It's really sending the wrong message in so many ways that I know you don't intend.

I'm asking this with all seriousness b/c I do agree with you to a point, but what do you give your guests as a favor? Nothing? Many small children would be sad to get nothing. How would you explain it to your guests and handle at the party?

I think we the adults have conditioned our children to expect a gift for attending a party. THAT.IS.CRAZY.

All my children bring home are little bags of stuff for the landfill. Cake, ice cream (maybe pizza) is all that's required. Kids just want to play and have sweet treats with their friend.

[Anonymous]

As an adult, I am in camp of hand written thank you notes-we don't do them among close family (although we also verbally thank each other) but if a friend gives me a gift, I send a written thank you note. I even send a note thanking a potential employer for taking the time to interview me. However, I totally get how difficult it might be for a busy parent to coerce a child into sitting down and hand writing ten to twenty notes. Not saying it's OK not to do so (or at least talk to the child about the importance of doing so), but I GET IT! I never give a gift in order to receive a thank you. I give a gift to bring someone I care about pleasure and enjoyment and to let them know I care about them. So if I don't get a note, I don't really sweat it.

[Anonymous]

I don't understand.

If we are opening gifts in front of guests and after the gift is opened, I or DS says, "Thanks you for the gift xyz, I really appreciate it," you still expect me to send a thank you note in the mail? Why do I have to thank you, again??

I often add, "Oh that's a great gift, he will really enjoy it. We will be using that...bla bla..."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People, people. It's nice to give gifts - not for acknowledgement or status but because you care about the recipient. Whining about not getting a thank you note is almost as rude as directing people to buy a gift card or to not give a gift. I think we have all lost perspective and we are now motivated do these things out of obligation.

If I were to complain about anything, it would be the goodie bag. Please stop with the goodie bag. It's really sending the wrong message in so many ways that I know you don't intend.

I'm asking this with all seriousness b/c I do agree with you to a point, but what do you give your guests as a favor? Nothing? Many small children would be sad to get nothing. How would you explain it to your guests and handle at the party?

I think we the adults have conditioned our children to expect a gift for attending a party. THAT.IS.CRAZY.

All my children bring home are little bags of stuff for the landfill. Cake, ice cream (maybe pizza) is all that's required. Kids just want to play and have sweet treats with their friend.

ITA. I never have goodies bags and I don't care.

[Anonymous]

Oh, please! How can you forget to thank someone for giving your child a gift for his birthday? You can't. Ill-mannered parents, particularly mothers, are the norm today. I think it was incredible tacky to add the gift certificate part. Not thanking people for any gift, kindness, etc., is simply bad manners. Also, you are wrong about it being too late to say thank you. People spend money for your kid and it is inexcusable not to say thank you and, even worse, not to teach your children to say thank you. Bad role models make for bratty kids and ill-mannered adults. Congratulations.

Hmm....how can you forget? Well, my dh works 70 hrs a week and is never home and, I suspect, having an affair. I have 3 young and very busy kids, 2 of whom likely have adhd. I have adhd. I also have a child with a chronic medical condition and mounting debts, and I have a parent w/ Alzheimer's who lives nearby and whose care I am responsible for coordinating, nevermind wanting to spend as much time with as possible before they slip away completely. Sorry I forgot the note. but that how. Thanks, btw, for adding to the stress in my life. Congratulations.

If you can plan a birthday party, then you have time to make sure your child (or you, if they are too young) writes thank you notes. Everyone is busy. I would just put a sticky note on the thank you notes and mail then. Just apologize for them being late. No big deal.

[Anonymous]

You get your thank you when the kid gets the gift and says thank you.

No notes. Wasteful and unnecessary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You get your thank you when the kid gets the gift and says thank you.

No notes. Wasteful and unnecessary.

Kids don't open gifts at parties anymore. You walk in, and put your gift on the gift table with all of the others. So, no in-person thank-yous from the kid or his parents. Even more of a reason to send a note, IMO.