more complaints about thank-you notes

[Anonymous]

After my dc's birthday party every year, we make up a collage (on the computer - it takes about 15 minutes) of photos from the party with a typed "thanks for coming and thanks for the great gifts" note, and dc adds a quick handwritten thanks (e.g., wow, loved the bracelet you gave me!) on each one and we pop them in the mail - takes really almost no time and is always much appreciated! Other than that, we try always to send a quick or sometimes even less quick thank you for ad hoc gifts, dinner parties, etc. We don't always manage, in which case we drop a quick email or even sms. We don't stress about it, it's just a nice thing to do. I similarly don't stress when I don't get a note, although I do appreciate knowing when mail order gifts arrive, just be sure..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:After my dc's birthday party every year, we make up a collage (on the computer - it takes about 15 minutes) of photos from the party with a typed "thanks for coming and thanks for the great gifts" note, and dc adds a quick handwritten thanks (e.g., wow, loved the bracelet you gave me!) on each one and we pop them in the mail - takes really almost no time and is always much appreciated! Other than that, we try always to send a quick or sometimes even less quick thank you for ad hoc gifts, dinner parties, etc. We don't always manage, in which case we drop a quick email or even sms. We don't stress about it, it's just a nice thing to do. I similarly don't stress when I don't get a note, although I do appreciate knowing when mail order gifts arrive, just be sure..

Wow, that is a great idea! I might steal that idea for my DD's upcoming birthday party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Hmm....how can you forget? Well, my dh works 70 hrs a week and is never home and, I suspect, having an affair. I have 3 young and very busy kids, 2 of whom likely have adhd. I have adhd. I also have a child with a chronic medical condition and mounting debts, and I have a parent w/ Alzheimer's who lives nearby and whose care I am responsible for coordinating, nevermind wanting to spend as much time with as possible before they slip away completely. Sorry I forgot the note. but that how. Thanks, btw, for adding to the stress in my life. Congratulations.

Hi PP - I am sorry for the difficulties you face and I do appreciate the chaos and business of life, but I have to agree with a PP that pretty much everyone has busy lives like this, including me, yet I still manage to get the thank-you cards in the mail. I also feel that if you had time to plan and throw the party, then you should have been able to find the time to send the thank-you notes.

[Anonymous]

Guess I'm in the minority here, but I really don't care if we receive thank you notes. THey go straight into the trash anyway. Knowing everyone one here is so uptight over them, I do send them--knowing full well that eveyone throws them away within seconds. Colossal waste of time and energy all around. Guess it just makes everyone feel all proper and like they're not raising brats, which some are regardless of the "heartfelt" thank you cards.

[Anonymous]

OP, why are you 'bummed' to not recive a thank you note?? Is it really grating on you that bad?

It is polite to give thank you notes, but I really don't care if I receive them or not.

[Anonymous]

I think it's important to teach my kids to write thank you notes. But I don't get worked up about it when we don't receive thank you notes from parties. There are just too many things that are more important in life to worry about.

[Anonymous]

Send the cards anyway.

I still want my thank you.

Thanks.

OP, pay no attention to this model of good manners.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Hmm....how can you forget? Well, my dh works 70 hrs a week and is never home and, I suspect, having an affair. I have 3 young and very busy kids, 2 of whom likely have adhd. I have adhd. I also have a child with a chronic medical condition and mounting debts, and I have a parent w/ Alzheimer's who lives nearby and whose care I am responsible for coordinating, nevermind wanting to spend as much time with as possible before they slip away completely. Sorry I forgot the note. but that how. Thanks, btw, for adding to the stress in my life. Congratulations.

If its really THAT overly stressful to take 10 secs to write out a quick "thank you" note and mail it, then don't have the party, event, whatever. I'm sure that's way more stressful. Welcome to life. Sorry, but you're not the only one who has SN kids, parents in ailing health, financial issues, etc. you're seriously trotting out all of this and expecting a pity party because you've been asked to write a thank you note for a gift? Now I've heard it all.

What happened to compassion? Everyone is busy, sure, but some people are more overwhelmed than others. We all fail at something. Failing to write thank you notes for a kids' party is a minor offense in my book. (And before you attack, yes, I make my children write them.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Hmm....how can you forget? Well, my dh works 70 hrs a week and is never home and, I suspect, having an affair. I have 3 young and very busy kids, 2 of whom likely have adhd. I have adhd. I also have a child with a chronic medical condition and mounting debts, and I have a parent w/ Alzheimer's who lives nearby and whose care I am responsible for coordinating, nevermind wanting to spend as much time with as possible before they slip away completely. Sorry I forgot the note. but that how. Thanks, btw, for adding to the stress in my life. Congratulations.

Hi PP - I am sorry for the difficulties you face and I do appreciate the chaos and business of life, but I have to agree with a PP that pretty much everyone has busy lives like this, including me, yet I still manage to get the thank-you cards in the mail. I also feel that if you had time to plan and throw the party, then you should have been able to find the time to send the thank-you notes.

Hi Mrs. McJudgerson,
Not everyone has a life like the PP, actually, at least maybe not at the moment. Some people have rather calm and predictable lives with only occasional spikes of chaos, rather than constant chaos. Until you've walked a mile in her shoes....Understanding and compassion are the ultimate in good manners. Judging, condescension and an attitude of superiority are the ultimate in offensive behaviors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Guess I'm in the minority here, but I really don't care if we receive thank you notes. THey go straight into the trash anyway. Knowing everyone one here is so uptight over them, I do send them--knowing full well that eveyone throws them away within seconds. Colossal waste of time and energy all around. Guess it just makes everyone feel all proper and like they're not raising brats, which some are regardless of the "heartfelt" thank you cards.

+1

Some of the snottiest, brattiest kids I know ALWAYS send the the most lovely thank you notes. Some of the sweetest, most well mannered and kindest kids do not. Send or not, I don't care. I can tell who among my and my children's friends are grateful and appreciative by their everyday behaviors. I don't need a forced written note to make my opinion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Hmm....how can you forget? Well, my dh works 70 hrs a week and is never home and, I suspect, having an affair. I have 3 young and very busy kids, 2 of whom likely have adhd. I have adhd. I also have a child with a chronic medical condition and mounting debts, and I have a parent w/ Alzheimer's who lives nearby and whose care I am responsible for coordinating, nevermind wanting to spend as much time with as possible before they slip away completely. Sorry I forgot the note. but that how. Thanks, btw, for adding to the stress in my life. Congratulations.

Hi PP - I am sorry for the difficulties you face and I do appreciate the chaos and business of life, but I have to agree with a PP that pretty much everyone has busy lives like this, including me, yet I still manage to get the thank-you cards in the mail. I also feel that if you had time to plan and throw the party, then you should have been able to find the time to send the thank-you notes.

Hi Mrs. McJudgerson,
Not everyone has a life like the PP, actually, at least maybe not at the moment. Some people have rather calm and predictable lives with only occasional spikes of chaos, rather than constant chaos. Until you've walked a mile in her shoes....Understanding and compassion are the ultimate in good manners. Judging, condescension and an attitude of superiority are the ultimate in offensive behaviors.

I agree with this, and I, for one, could not give a fuck about receiving or sending thank you notes. I think most cards are waste of paper unless they actually have a personal letter written in them, saying more than just "Thank you for the doll, I like it very much". Sending a whole card and envelope with a stamp and everything is just not necessary when you can say thank you to the person either when you open the present at the party, or if they're not at your party, just say it to them the next time you see them. If someone mailed you a gift, I can see how maybe then a thank you note could be appropriate, but even then I'd rather send an email. I'm not sure why a card is better than an email.

[Anonymous]

I really don't care what other people do, but I have just bought my son's invitations for his party next month and I bought thank yous along with them. It's just something I like to do. But I promise I have not thought badly of anyone else for not sending a thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DC was recently invited to a birthday party for which the invitation said something like "No gifts, please - if you must bring a gift, please consider a certificate for a special treat." I went to the local ice-cream shop in town and picked up a gift certificate. DC hand-made a card, and we stuck the gift certificate inside. I was so bummed to not receive a thank-you note! I wonder if this was "punishment" for bringing a gift when the invitation basically asked us not to?

Also, DC was invited to another birthday "party" which was really more of a get-together with just a few families at the birthday child's home (which, incidentally, is about an hour's drive from us). Everyone brought gifts, and the birthday child opened them there at the party (because the group was small, I'm assuming). Again, no thank-you note. I am guessing they thought that since they said "thank you" right there after he opened our gift, then there was no need to send a card. What do you think?

I don't know why both of these things mildly irritated me (I guess I am old-fashioned?!).

...and they were correct. If you are going to be an etiquette maven, you better bone up on your rules of etiquette!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DC was recently invited to a birthday party for which the invitation said something like "No gifts, please - if you must bring a gift, please consider a certificate for a special treat." I went to the local ice-cream shop in town and picked up a gift certificate. DC hand-made a card, and we stuck the gift certificate inside. I was so bummed to not receive a thank-you note! I wonder if this was "punishment" for bringing a gift when the invitation basically asked us not to?

Also, DC was invited to another birthday "party" which was really more of a get-together with just a few families at the birthday child's home (which, incidentally, is about an hour's drive from us). Everyone brought gifts, and the birthday child opened them there at the party (because the group was small, I'm assuming). Again, no thank-you note. I am guessing they thought that since they said "thank you" right there after he opened our gift, then there was no need to send a card. What do you think?

I don't know why both of these things mildly irritated me (I guess I am old-fashioned?!).

...and they were correct. If you are going to be an etiquette maven, you better bone up on your rules of etiquette!

http://www.emilypost.com/communication-and-technology/notes-and-letters/99-thank-you-notes-to-send-or-not-to-send

[Anonymous]

Exactly -- you address the thank you notes at the time time you're addressing the invitations. If you can take the time to make sure DC has friends at the party, you can take the time to thank them for their gift.