more complaints about thank-you notes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DC was recently invited to a birthday party for which the invitation said something like "No gifts, please - if you must bring a gift, please consider a certificate for a special treat." I went to the local ice-cream shop in town and picked up a gift certificate. DC hand-made a card, and we stuck the gift certificate inside. I was so bummed to not receive a thank-you note! I wonder if this was "punishment" for bringing a gift when the invitation basically asked us not to?

Also, DC was invited to another birthday "party" which was really more of a get-together with just a few families at the birthday child's home (which, incidentally, is about an hour's drive from us). Everyone brought gifts, and the birthday child opened them there at the party (because the group was small, I'm assuming). Again, no thank-you note. I am guessing they thought that since they said "thank you" right there after he opened our gift, then there was no need to send a card. What do you think?

I don't know why both of these things mildly irritated me (I guess I am old-fashioned?!).

...and they were correct. If you are going to be an etiquette maven, you better bone up on your rules of etiquette!

http://www.emilypost.com/communication-and-technology/notes-and-letters/99-thank-you-notes-to-send-or-not-to-send

The heading of the link says "It’s never wrong to send a written thank-you And people always appreciate getting “thanks” in writing."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DC was recently invited to a birthday party for which the invitation said something like "No gifts, please - if you must bring a gift, please consider a certificate for a special treat." I went to the local ice-cream shop in town and picked up a gift certificate. DC hand-made a card, and we stuck the gift certificate inside. I was so bummed to not receive a thank-you note! I wonder if this was "punishment" for bringing a gift when the invitation basically asked us not to?

Also, DC was invited to another birthday "party" which was really more of a get-together with just a few families at the birthday child's home (which, incidentally, is about an hour's drive from us). Everyone brought gifts, and the birthday child opened them there at the party (because the group was small, I'm assuming). Again, no thank-you note. I am guessing they thought that since they said "thank you" right there after he opened our gift, then there was no need to send a card. What do you think?

I don't know why both of these things mildly irritated me (I guess I am old-fashioned?!).

...and they were correct. If you are going to be an etiquette maven, you better bone up on your rules of etiquette!

http://www.emilypost.com/communication-and-technology/notes-and-letters/99-thank-you-notes-to-send-or-not-to-send

The heading of the link says "It’s never wrong to send a written thank-you And people always appreciate getting “thanks” in writing."

And the text says you should send a thank you card when you weren't able to thank the giver in person. Of course it is not WRONG to go above and beyond and send a card even if you did so (and FWIW, I always do) but you can't get your knickers in a bunch over a perceived etiquette breach if someone chooses not to do so.

[Anonymous]

Mine are going out late (party a month ago) because my five year old is doing each one..and so does maybe two a night a few times a week. If someone has a problem..too bad we are doing the best we can.

[Anonymous]

^^Well, then it seems that it depends on which etiquette expert one consults -- as this one (in link below) says that a hand-written thank-you note is required even if the gift was opened in the presence of the giver and a verbal 'thank you' was expressed.
http://www.mannersmith.com/resources/issue.cfm?id=4

[Anonymous]

I don't care if the parents write a thank you note or not. If I see the parents and they don't mention that "little X liked the gift," it annoys me a bit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^Well, then it seems that it depends on which etiquette expert one consults -- as this one (in link below) says that a hand-written thank-you note is required even if the gift was opened in the presence of the giver and a verbal 'thank you' was expressed.
http://www.mannersmith.com/resources/issue.cfm?id=4

Are you saying that the OP is justified in getting MAD at people who follow Emily Post's rules of etiquette? Because instead they should have googled some random website and followed those rules instead? Even if you assume that the two etiquette sources are equal in value (which is debatable), why should people be expected to know about yours and follow it? Shouldn't OP just cut people some slack?

[Anonymous]

Teaching your children to write thank you notes is preparing them for future success. How many times have we read a screed here from hiring managers who won't even consider a candidate who didn't send a note following an interview?

Think about your motivation in throwing the party, and your justification for not writing the note. "But we're so buuuuusy!" Not too busy to throw a party. Why is that? Because you want your child to be "happy"? His future happiness depends on knowing how to advance to the head of the pack socially and professionally, and it's your job to teach that. Thank-you notes are just one small piece. So do your job, instead of moaning about how hard the job is. I doubt your children appeared in baskets on your doorstep one dark and stormy night. You took it on, now do it right.

[Anonymous]

Wow, do people really get upset over this stuff??? Yes, it is polite, but dang, some of you are acting like it's murder if a thank you note isn't given. If you see yourself having a hernia because of a lack of a thank you note given, please do not give a gift, etc ever in life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Exactly -- you address the thank you notes at the time time you're addressing the invitations. If you can take the time to make sure DC has friends at the party, you can take the time to thank them for their gift.

I haven't received a paper invitation for a child's birthday party in years...probably not since they were in preschool.

[Anonymous]

People, people. It's nice to give gifts - not for acknowledgement or status but because you care about the recipient. Whining about not getting a thank you note is almost as rude as directing people to buy a gift card or to not give a gift. I think we have all lost perspective and we are now motivated do these things out of obligation.

If I were to complain about anything, it would be the goodie bag. Please stop with the goodie bag. It's really sending the wrong message in so many ways that I know you don't intend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People, people. It's nice to give gifts - not for acknowledgement or status but because you care about the recipient. Whining about not getting a thank you note is almost as rude as directing people to buy a gift card or to not give a gift. I think we have all lost perspective and we are now motivated do these things out of obligation.

If I were to complain about anything, it would be the goodie bag. Please stop with the goodie bag. It's really sending the wrong message in so many ways that I know you don't intend.

I'm asking this with all seriousness b/c I do agree with you to a point, but what do you give your guests as a favor? Nothing? Many small children would be sad to get nothing. How would you explain it to your guests and handle at the party?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hmm....how can you forget? Well, my dh works 70 hrs a week and is never home and, I suspect, having an affair. I have 3 young and very busy kids, 2 of whom likely have adhd. I have adhd. I also have a child with a chronic medical condition and mounting debts, and I have a parent w/ Alzheimer's who lives nearby and whose care I am responsible for coordinating, nevermind wanting to spend as much time with as possible before they slip away completely. Sorry I forgot the note. but that how. Thanks, btw, for adding to the stress in my life. Congratulations.

And I am a mother and a wife, a homeowner, have a full-time job with extra hours and a lengthy commute, and a chronic health condition which makes me tired all the time, not to mention plenty of other issues and responsibilities. But I can still manage to send thank you notes. They may not be the most timely, but they still get sent. We all have things going on in our lives that can be used as excuses. Whether or not we choose to do that is what sets us apart.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Guess I'm in the minority here, but I really don't care if we receive thank you notes. THey go straight into the trash anyway. Knowing everyone one here is so uptight over them, I do send them--knowing full well that eveyone throws them away within seconds. Colossal waste of time and energy all around. Guess it just makes everyone feel all proper and like they're not raising brats, which some are regardless of the "heartfelt" thank you cards.

Actually, we display ours on the mantel for a couple of weeks, so not everyone immediately tosses them.

[Anonymous]

Wow, you people would hate me. I am late getting them out. I also am surprised when I receive them because I can never remember what gift I got your kid! Hell, I barely remember taking DC to your party. I never judge anyone because I cannot remember on what I am judging them.

Seriously, you people need a hobby or something. Is your life that empty that this is what occupies your thoughts?

[Anonymous]

According to Miss Manners, if a gift is opened in front of the giver, and the recipient says thank you in person, then no written thank you note is necessary.