If you are (or have) a stepmom . . . (long message)

[Anonymous]

I introduce my step-mother either by her first name or as "my wonderful step-mom".

[Anonymous]

I am a stepmom. We also have kids that are our biological children. My stepchild is kinder and more loving than my biological kids.

[Anonymous]

I love bonus mom. I have a bio mom and a step mom, and am closer to my step mom, b/c she and I are much more alike. I always call her mom. When I intro her, I say this is my mom, my dad's second wife. When I talk about the two moms, I say "Mom Jane" or "Mom Sue" which helps. And FWIW, I have a woman I am very close to - she came to the hospital w me for my second child's birth - and I say "she's the mom I got to choose."

[Anonymous]

My dad remarried when I was around 11 or so. His wife was a miserable, hateful person to my mother and made life very difficult for me for about 12-15 years. I used to cringe (and mentally stab her to death) whenever she introduced us as "our children" or "my daughter". Um, no, you're my step monster, not my mother, thank you very much!

Fast forward another five years when all the kids had grown up and grandchildren began arriving. She has turned into an entirely different person. She adores our kids and is wonderful to them. I still cringe when she introduces me as her daughter but I don't at all kind when she introduces my kids as her grandkids. It has everything to do with the relationship we've all had with each other. She was never a mother to me, whereas my real mom was a solid rock for me during the most turbulent of times. But my stepmom has always been a grandma to my kids - behaving as you'd expect a grandparent to behave and raising no ruckus.

So - for me, it comes down to relationships. Given the vicious behavior of my stepmom toward my real mom, I could never call my stepmom "mom" or "my parents" as that just doesn't sit right. She never played the caring role of a parent. So she's my stepmom and always will be in any introduction. (Unless it's regarding the grandkids, in which case she's just grandma.)

[Anonymous]

wow, there is a whole hell of a lot of baggage on this thread that has NOTHING to do with the OP. way to live your lives, people.

[Anonymous]

I am a stepmom (legally speaking), but I don't like the term at all. It sounds very negative and none of the typical stepmom things apply to me. My SS was raised by his dad, BM left when he was 2 years old. She has never really raised him, was totally out of the picture for over 3 years and then she got visitation, so she saw him 20-25 % of the time. I was and still am his primary caregiver, spend more time with him than any of his parents, and am the only mother figure he's ever known. His BM was never a mother to him, more a friend and playmate if she was around. Because of the circumstances it hurts me when he calls her mom and me by my first name. It's hard for a child, and I understand that, but a mother is not just someone who gives birth and then disappears.

[Anonymous]

I usually go with "this is my dad Steve and his wife Gloria. this is my mom, Sarah". Granted, I only do this in formal situations and when my parents are being introduced together (which I can't even remember the last time this situation happened)

But, for the most part I do "this is my Dad, Steve and my Mami, Gloria. This is my mom, Sarah." My parents divorced when I was young and I've called my stepmom "mami" (she's from Puerto Rico) since they got married. Most people can figure out the situation. I don't know if you have a name you call your stepmom, but that could work.

[Anonymous]

I go with "this is my dad and Jane". They married when I was in my 20s, though, so I never lived with her and never thought of her as a mother - she is my dad's wife. I like her and we get along well, but she's not a mom to me.

However, I also have grandparents that divorced and remarried before I was born. In those cases, I am just as close to the steps as the bios, I was probably 10 before I figured out who I was actually related to, and I still call them all Grandma and Grandpa. Just as my son calls my stepmom "Grandma", even though I don't call her my mother.