Would your spouse have married you if you were any other race?

[Anonymous]

What a silly question. Do you really think the decision to marry someone is based ALL on "what's on the inside"? Of course, that's the factor that ultimately allows us to make the decision - but there's also this thing called chemistry and attraction. How can you ask someone "If I totally changed my look and didn't look like me anymore, would you still have fallen in love with me?"

The very initital thing that has to be there is attraction - from there, you get to know someone and love grows. I'm not a racist person and my DH is from a different culture than my own, but I have to admit I've never been particularly attracted sexually to certain ethnicities. I'd be best friends with the same ethnicities in a heart-beat, and maybe there are exceptions, but for the most part I have never been attracted to them. Is that so wrong?

[Anonymous]

PP again .... But, if this person said something in a derogatory or superior way regarding another race, THAT would bother me. If it's just a matter of attraction and preference, it would not.

[Anonymous]

It's not an impossible question. There are black people who look Asian, white people who look black, Native Americans who look Asian (well, NAs are of Asian descent, but you know what I mean), and so on.

The OP asked if everything about you were the same except race, would your spouse have married you. All of you blabbering on about how it's an impossible question are just refusing to answer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's not an impossible question. There are black people who look Asian, white people who look black, Native Americans who look Asian (well, NAs are of Asian descent, but you know what I mean), and so on.

The OP asked if everything about you were the same except race, would your spouse have married you. All of you blabbering on about how it's an impossible question are just refusing to answer.

Sure, there are a few black people who look Asian, but for the majority, that's not the case.

BTW, the fact that you can't seem to wrap your mind around the idea that my ethnic identity (Asian) affects who I am suggests to me that you are either 1) your skin color allows you to blend into your community without much thought, or 2) you just haven't had to think very much about how race affects "everything" else.

[Anonymous]

I still think this is an impossible question, other than to say my husband and I have only dated caucasians (I think - my husband might have dated a latina at some point? He's not big into talking about his high school days). It doesn't mean we're horrible, racist people in any way - it just happens to be who we are both attracted to. We found each other, and we are who we are - I just think it is a dumb premise to begin with.

The friend of the OP sounds like an idiot, anyway - who says something like that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I get your question OP--like the black guy who marries a white woman with much lower qualifications than himself. No way would say Jim Vance be married to a black female equivalent of his wife, for instance. This is a very real phenomenon. In interracial marriages, the partner of color tends to be of a much higher status than the white spouse--

DH is white and makes more money and is slightly more educated. They say I'm better looking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get your question OP--like the black guy who marries a white woman with much lower qualifications than himself. No way would say Jim Vance be married to a black female equivalent of his wife, for instance. This is a very real phenomenon. In interracial marriages, the partner of color tends to be of a much higher status than the white spouse--

DH is white and makes more money and is slightly more educated. They say I'm better looking.

So caught up in my glow that I forgot the OQ. Answer is yes. I was first non-white person DH dated. He has no fetish or preference for the dark "other."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not an impossible question. There are black people who look Asian, white people who look black, Native Americans who look Asian (well, NAs are of Asian descent, but you know what I mean), and so on.

The OP asked if everything about you were the same except race, would your spouse have married you. All of you blabbering on about how it's an impossible question are just refusing to answer.

Sure, there are a few black people who look Asian, but for the majority, that's not the case.

BTW, the fact that you can't seem to wrap your mind around the idea that my ethnic identity (Asian) affects who I am suggests to me that you are either 1) your skin color allows you to blend into your community without much thought, or 2) you just haven't had to think very much about how race affects "everything" else.

Wrong on both counts.

1) I'm sitting in a room with 10 other people. One shares my race, and that's surprising, because usually there are no others where I live.

2) My racial/ethnic identity is an integral part of who I am and shapes how I view the world.

Also, I did not say most black people look Asian. I'm saying that the OP asked her/his question saying that all other things are equal, and you'd have the same general features, you'd just be of a different race. I just think its silly that rather than answering the question, posters are talking about how impossible it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I still think this is an impossible question, other than to say my husband and I have only dated caucasians (I think - my husband might have dated a latina at some point? He's not big into talking about his high school days). It doesn't mean we're horrible, racist people in any way - it just happens to be who we are both attracted to. We found each other, and we are who we are - I just think it is a dumb premise to begin with.

The friend of the OP sounds like an idiot, anyway - who says something like that?

Latina is an ethnicity, not a race. Did you mean your husband may have dated a non-white Latina?

[Anonymous]

The question is poorly phrased to set a trap for the spouse. The real question is whether your spouse would have ruled out someone of a race different than yours. OP tries to get around value-neutral answers like "s/he's generally not attracted to non-whites" by saying that the other-racial person is *you*, with the same basic looks, but that makes the question abstract to the point of nonsense.

I'm sure DW would not have ruled out someone of another race (we are both white), although I don't think she's ever dated anyone of another race.

[Anonymous]

I'm Asian American with a Caucasian DH. Prior to our relationship, DH only dated Caucasian women. So if I were white, I'd say yes, he still would have married me. If I were black... I really don't know, since he's never dated a black woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get your question OP--like the black guy who marries a white woman with much lower qualifications than himself. No way would say Jim Vance be married to a black female equivalent of his wife, for instance. This is a very real phenomenon. In interracial marriages, the partner of color tends to be of a much higher status than the white spouse--

DH is white and makes more money and is slightly more educated. They say I'm better looking.

I think pp is talking more about the black man/white woman dynamic. I find it to be true in most cases.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Latina is an ethnicity, not a race. Did you mean your husband may have dated a non-white Latina?

yes, that is what I meant. He grew up in South Texas, so there were many mexican-american families. He dated a lot of girls in his high school years. He wound up with me in the end, the european mutt caucasian.

[Anonymous]

DH is Caucasian and when we met for the first time he "assumed" I was Asian. He asked me about my nationality on our 4 date. By then it was too late too change his mind LOL. We have been married for 10 years.

So, the answer to your question is YES

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH is Caucasian and when we met for the first time he "assumed" I was Asian. He asked me about my nationality on our 4 date. By then it was too late too change his mind LOL. We have been married for 10 years.

So, the answer to your question is YES

what about other races?