Issue with friend's toddler

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not trying to be snarky, but if the toddler had already taken the keys twice, why didn't your DH move the diaper bag out of reach or put the keys in his pocket?

Why didn't you put your keys in your jacket packet? You can blame yourself and your DH but you cannot blame the toddler. The two of you are exected to use common sense but the toddler isn't. You just learned a valuable lesson: don't let children play with anything valuable. Also, you should never put your house and car keys on the same key chain.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not trying to be snarky, but if the toddler had already taken the keys twice, why didn't your DH move the diaper bag out of reach or put the keys in his pocket?

Agree with this. Sorry, OP, it's not the toddler's fault.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH, DS, and I went to the park today with another friend, her husband, and their toddler. Unbeknownst to me, my friend's toddler took my keys out of our diaper bag (it was sitting in the stroller) and was playing with them. DH took them away from her once and put them in the stroller basket. He said he saw her with them again, but didn't take them because he was chasing after our DS and the toddler was close by the other adults, so he assumed we had noticed. I did not.

Once I got home, I realized the keys are lost. This was when DH told me that our friends toddler had been playing with them and told me that he thought I had seen her doing so. The key chain held my house keys as well as two car keys (the kind with the fob for the alarm and unlocking the door). This means it will be expensive to replace the keys, as well as a hassle.

When I called my friend to ask if she knew where the keys are, she said they didn't. She said her toddler had put them back in the diaper bag, and said maybe they had fallen out later. I'm pretty annoyed -- the toddler shouldn't have had the keys in the first place, and the idea that since the toddler put them away, it completely absolves the parents for any responsibility for the keys seems a little ridiculous. First, the toddler had already taken the keys from the bag twice; it's not a stretch that she might have done it again. Second, I don't have a lot of confidence in the idea that a toddler would have put the keys away such that they were secure and would not fall out. And third, the fact of the matter is that her daughter was the last person to have them and now they're missing. My friend's attitude seems to be "I don't know where they are; I don't know what you want me to do about it." When I asked to her to go to the park to help look tomorrow she said "If I have time."

It's not that I expect her to immediately run out and find they keys, but I do feel like she and her husband should take some responsibility for the fact that they're missing. Is that out of line? How would you handle this?

I'm surprised you didn't ask her to pay to replace your keys!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:While I agree you have to take better care of your things and put things out of reach of little children, it seems to me it is also the toddler's parents. I have a toddler (almost 2y) and if she was touching other's people stuff I would take it away from her, give it back or put it back and apologize. And every time she went back for it I would say "no" and remove her if posible. If it was friend's things I old ask them to put it out of reach, but ultimately, the responsibility to make sure my child didn't touch other's belongings it's mine. That is not hypothetical - intuitions like that have happened many times in the past year.

I get this, and I used to do the same, but it goes both ways. It would get increasingly frustrating when my friends would leave temptations within my child's reach and continue to watch me struggle to constantly get him to keep his hands off. At some point, if my friend does nothing to remove her purse or bag or whatever, I take that to mean that she doesn't care that my son is pulling her things out and I let him be. I'll take the item away and say "no" if, after I do it once or twice, you remove your bag from his reach. Otherwise, it's fair game. Now he's 5 and it's a whole other ballgame. It's my (and his) responsibility to keep his hands off other people's property. But when he was a toddler, I expected my friends to protect their property as much as I did.

And, OP, why was your DH doing all the kid-watching? Where were you and the toddler's parents through all this?

[Anonymous]

I wonder if OP will call her friend and apologize when she finds her keys in the fridge...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I get this, and I used to do the same, but it goes both ways. It would get increasingly frustrating when my friends would leave temptations within my child's reach and continue to watch me struggle to constantly get him to keep his hands off. At some point, if my friend does nothing to remove her purse or bag or whatever, I take that to mean that she doesn't care that my son is pulling her things out and I let him be. I'll take the item away and say "no" if, after I do it once or twice, you remove your bag from his reach. Otherwise, it's fair game. Now he's 5 and it's a whole other ballgame. It's my (and his) responsibility to keep his hands off other people's property. But when he was a toddler, I expected my friends to protect their property as much as I did.

No. It is your responsibility to manage your child. If you cannot manage your child, then you can ask me to take whatever items I have out of your child's reach and I can comply or otherwise take responsibility for those items. But you have the first and foremost responsibility to either keep an eye/hand on your child and if you cannot keep them from taking/touching someone else's things, to remove your child from the temptations.

In this case it was especially egregious because there were four adults for two toddlers. I understand toddlers can get into everything, but why was OP's DH the only one to notice that the friends' toddler was getting into the diaper bag and at the keys? If he was busy wrangling OP's difficult child, who was watching the other toddler? I can understand the problem when the children outnumber the caregivers, but when the parents outnumber the children 2:1, then there should be at least one parent per child monitoring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's circumstantial evidence to accuse your friends' toddler of taking your keys.

I'm surprised your friend isn't pissed at you for the accusation. And she certainly has no obligation to help you look for them at the park tomorrow.

I'd be more annoyed at your DH for not following through that the keys were put back since he was the last one to see them and he should've followed through with making sure the keys were put back.

+1. I totally agree.

[Anonymous]

Okay is this for real? Toddlers take stuff. Again and again. That's why people babyproof. Yes, if her parents saw the toddler playing with the keys, sure, they should have taken the keys away from the kid. But in their shoes, I would have also said "can you close up your purse? I wouldn't want my kiddo to get into cosmetics or something else toxic." Yes, everyone should watch their kids. But also, everyone should keep track of their own stuff, too.

[Anonymous]

I agree with the majority of other posters but wanted to commiserate about replacing keys. I bought a new fob and electronic key for our car and DH promptly lost them (we couldn't even blame our own toddler). Now I'm stuck shelling out another $300+. So that does suck, but yes, I think it's you and your DH's issue, not the other family's.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I get this, and I used to do the same, but it goes both ways. It would get increasingly frustrating when my friends would leave temptations within my child's reach and continue to watch me struggle to constantly get him to keep his hands off. At some point, if my friend does nothing to remove her purse or bag or whatever, I take that to mean that she doesn't care that my son is pulling her things out and I let him be. I'll take the item away and say "no" if, after I do it once or twice, you remove your bag from his reach. Otherwise, it's fair game. Now he's 5 and it's a whole other ballgame. It's my (and his) responsibility to keep his hands off other people's property. But when he was a toddler, I expected my friends to protect their property as much as I did.

No. It is your responsibility to manage your child. If you cannot manage your child, then you can ask me to take whatever items I have out of your child's reach and I can comply or otherwise take responsibility for those items. But you have the first and foremost responsibility to either keep an eye/hand on your child and if you cannot keep them from taking/touching someone else's things, to remove your child from the temptations.

In this case it was especially egregious because there were four adults for two toddlers. I understand toddlers can get into everything, but why was OP's DH the only one to notice that the friends' toddler was getting into the diaper bag and at the keys? If he was busy wrangling OP's difficult child, who was watching the other toddler? I can understand the problem when the children outnumber the caregivers, but when the parents outnumber the children 2:1, then there should be at least one parent per child monitoring.

A close second is not being a dumbass, ie watching a kid walk around with YOUR OWN keys and doing nothing about it. Sorry, but it's the height of hypocrisy to not care enough to do anything, and then blame someone else for not doing anything. The DH did not have the common sense to think of the consequences, and life taught him a lesson.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I get this, and I used to do the same, but it goes both ways. It would get increasingly frustrating when my friends would leave temptations within my child's reach and continue to watch me struggle to constantly get him to keep his hands off. At some point, if my friend does nothing to remove her purse or bag or whatever, I take that to mean that she doesn't care that my son is pulling her things out and I let him be. I'll take the item away and say "no" if, after I do it once or twice, you remove your bag from his reach. Otherwise, it's fair game. Now he's 5 and it's a whole other ballgame. It's my (and his) responsibility to keep his hands off other people's property. But when he was a toddler, I expected my friends to protect their property as much as I did.

No. It is your responsibility to manage your child. If you cannot manage your child, then you can ask me to take whatever items I have out of your child's reach and I can comply or otherwise take responsibility for those items. But you have the first and foremost responsibility to either keep an eye/hand on your child and if you cannot keep them from taking/touching someone else's things, to remove your child from the temptations.

In this case it was especially egregious because there were four adults for two toddlers. I understand toddlers can get into everything, but why was OP's DH the only one to notice that the friends' toddler was getting into the diaper bag and at the keys? If he was busy wrangling OP's difficult child, who was watching the other toddler? I can understand the problem when the children outnumber the caregivers, but when the parents outnumber the children 2:1, then there should be at least one parent per child monitoring.

Yes, it's my responsibility to manage my child, but if you and I are sitting there - and my kid constantly is reaching in your open bag - and I am constantly pulling him away - and you are constantly ignoring it and leaving your bag there - then at some point it's your responsibility to watch your own stuff. It's similar to if you're on the metro (or some other public place) and you leave your purse and wallet open and on an empty seat near you and you aren't watching it - and someone steals your money - you are to blame for not closely watching your stuff.

I'm not saying I'm not managing my kid - because I am - but after several attempts with you not even making an effort to protect your own stuff - I'm done protecting it too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To clarify, my friend saw her toddler with the keys AFTER DH did. So he wasn't the last adult to see her with them.

Also, DH didn't take them from her at the time because he was chasing after our own toddler who was running toward a ledge nearby. So because DH was watching both and they weren't watching even just their own, we're on the hook?

I definitely agree that DH should have done more and I'm annoyed that he didn't. But I also feel like the toddler's parents should have done more -- I mean, in the end, we're responsible for our kids. Second, what really annoys me is that the parents seem completely unwilling to entertain even the possibility that the keys might be lost because their kid was playing with them, and therefore, they have any responsibility for the fact that they're lost.

Replacing them is going to cost literally hundreds of dollars.

I would have put the keys in my pocket or someplace where the child could not get them. The child already demonstrated the ability to rifle through something to get at them. While unfortunate, this is not the other family's issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So did you try going back to the park? Your keys are almost certainly sitting either (a) exactly where they fell or (b) hanging off a post or tree very close by where someone put them so you'd find them.

Keys don't just evaporate. Go back and get them.

This. I'm not sure why this needs this much info. Go look for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I get this, and I used to do the same, but it goes both ways. It would get increasingly frustrating when my friends would leave temptations within my child's reach and continue to watch me struggle to constantly get him to keep his hands off. At some point, if my friend does nothing to remove her purse or bag or whatever, I take that to mean that she doesn't care that my son is pulling her things out and I let him be. I'll take the item away and say "no" if, after I do it once or twice, you remove your bag from his reach. Otherwise, it's fair game. Now he's 5 and it's a whole other ballgame. It's my (and his) responsibility to keep his hands off other people's property. But when he was a toddler, I expected my friends to protect their property as much as I did.

No. It is your responsibility to manage your child. If you cannot manage your child, then you can ask me to take whatever items I have out of your child's reach and I can comply or otherwise take responsibility for those items. But you have the first and foremost responsibility to either keep an eye/hand on your child and if you cannot keep them from taking/touching someone else's things, to remove your child from the temptations.

In this case it was especially egregious because there were four adults for two toddlers. I understand toddlers can get into everything, but why was OP's DH the only one to notice that the friends' toddler was getting into the diaper bag and at the keys? If he was busy wrangling OP's difficult child, who was watching the other toddler? I can understand the problem when the children outnumber the caregivers, but when the parents outnumber the children 2:1, then there should be at least one parent per child monitoring.

Yes, it's my responsibility to manage my child, but if you and I are sitting there - and my kid constantly is reaching in your open bag - and I am constantly pulling him away - and you are constantly ignoring it and leaving your bag there - then at some point it's your responsibility to watch your own stuff. It's similar to if you're on the metro (or some other public place) and you leave your purse and wallet open and on an empty seat near you and you aren't watching it - and someone steals your money - you are to blame for not closely watching your stuff.

I'm not saying I'm not managing my kid - because I am - but after several attempts with you not even making an effort to protect your own stuff - I'm done protecting it too.

Agree. Of course it is a parents responsilbility, but if you are with a parent of a toddler, for Heaven's sake have some common sense and some common courtesy and keep your stuff out of reach so the poor parent doesn't have to be engaged in a constant battle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I get this, and I used to do the same, but it goes both ways. It would get increasingly frustrating when my friends would leave temptations within my child's reach and continue to watch me struggle to constantly get him to keep his hands off. At some point, if my friend does nothing to remove her purse or bag or whatever, I take that to mean that she doesn't care that my son is pulling her things out and I let him be. I'll take the item away and say "no" if, after I do it once or twice, you remove your bag from his reach. Otherwise, it's fair game. Now he's 5 and it's a whole other ballgame. It's my (and his) responsibility to keep his hands off other people's property. But when he was a toddler, I expected my friends to protect their property as much as I did.

No. It is your responsibility to manage your child. If you cannot manage your child, then you can ask me to take whatever items I have out of your child's reach and I can comply or otherwise take responsibility for those items. But you have the first and foremost responsibility to either keep an eye/hand on your child and if you cannot keep them from taking/touching someone else's things, to remove your child from the temptations.

In this case it was especially egregious because there were four adults for two toddlers. I understand toddlers can get into everything, but why was OP's DH the only one to notice that the friends' toddler was getting into the diaper bag and at the keys? If he was busy wrangling OP's difficult child, who was watching the other toddler? I can understand the problem when the children outnumber the caregivers, but when the parents outnumber the children 2:1, then there should be at least one parent per child monitoring.

Yes, it's my responsibility to manage my child, but if you and I are sitting there - and my kid constantly is reaching in your open bag - and I am constantly pulling him away - and you are constantly ignoring it and leaving your bag there - then at some point it's your responsibility to watch your own stuff. It's similar to if you're on the metro (or some other public place) and you leave your purse and wallet open and on an empty seat near you and you aren't watching it - and someone steals your money - you are to blame for not closely watching your stuff.

I'm not saying I'm not managing my kid - because I am - but after several attempts with you not even making an effort to protect your own stuff - I'm done protecting it too.

Agree with PP. Of course parents must "manage" their children, but if you are visiting with the parent of a toddler, please have the common sense and common courtesy to secure your stuff or keep it out of reach, so that the parent isn't engaged in a constant battle with the child.