Issue with friend's toddler

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So did you try going back to the park? Your keys are almost certainly sitting either (a) exactly where they fell or (b) hanging off a post or tree very close by where someone put them so you'd find them.

Keys don't just evaporate. Go back and get them.

I agree. Why are you waiting until tomorrow to go and look for the keys? They are more likely to be gone for good by tomorrow. In the time it took you to write this post and read the replies you might have gotten your keys back!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To clarify, my friend saw her toddler with the keys AFTER DH did. So he wasn't the last adult to see her with them.

Also, DH didn't take them from her at the time because he was chasing after our own toddler who was running toward a ledge nearby. So because DH was watching both and they weren't watching even just their own, we're on the hook?

I definitely agree that DH should have done more and I'm annoyed that he didn't. But I also feel like the toddler's parents should have done more -- I mean, in the end, we're responsible for our kids. Second, what really annoys me is that the parents seem completely unwilling to entertain even the possibility that the keys might be lost because their kid was playing with them, and therefore, they have any responsibility for the fact that they're lost.

Replacing them is going to cost literally hundreds of dollars.

If you are going to act this way your DH needs to "literally" act like a child was running around with several hundred dollars worth of your belongings.

Exactly. If you saw a toddler playing with a couple of hundred dollar bills from your wallet, would you just take the bills and put them back in the exact same place so the toddler could grab them again?

As parents of a toddler, you should realize that you need to toddler-proof your expensive belongings.

And why don't you go back to the park right now and look for them? Why in the world are you waiting until tomorrow? This makes no sense. Are you posting here because you hope the other family will see it?

[Anonymous]

When I first read OP's post, I literally thought it was a joke. You have GOT to be kidding, OP! Grow up, put on your big girl panties and take responsibility for your lost keys. Don't blame a TODDLER. This has got to be one of the most ridiculous posts on DCUM in a long time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not trying to be snarky, but if the toddler had already taken the keys twice, why didn't your DH move the diaper bag out of reach or put the keys in his pocket?

Boom. Bam. This, right here.

[Anonymous]

"How is the DH more responsible than the toddler's parents (who also saw the toddler with the keys)?"

Because he was the one who would be stuck replacing them? How hard would it have been to yell out to the other parents, "Hey, guys, grab those keys from your toddler, would you"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:While I agree you have to take better care of your things and put things out of reach of little children, it seems to me it is also the toddler's parents. I have a toddler (almost 2y) and if she was touching other's people stuff I would take it away from her, give it back or put it back and apologize. And every time she went back for it I would say "no" and remove her if posible. If it was friend's things I old ask them to put it out of reach, but ultimately, the responsibility to make sure my child didn't touch other's belongings it's mine. That is not hypothetical - intuitions like that have happened many times in the past year.

Op, I think you shoul be annoyed at the parents and ask them to please watch their child better next time and don't let him touch our stuff.

I am also mildly amused at the majority of answers here... Would you people really not take responsibility for your children's actions just and expect the other people around you to "move their things?" that explains A LOT about these bratty teens we see everyday. Entitled pople.

I agree. If my kids were opening up someone else's bag and taking stuff out, I would not be amused, think it was cute, or say - oh that's kids being kids. Yes, as much as possible you try to put things out the way, but no, you can't put everything out the way. Just like PP, I would say no to my toddler, and ask parent if it would be okay to put it X (in my pocket or backpack if the parents didn't have anywhere to put it other than the diaper bag), so it is out the way. Bottom line to the OP, I don't think your friend is going to offer to look much less help with the cost to replace the keys. I think the ugly secret is once you have kids, among your friends, you will do playdates more with people that have either a similar child rearing style, or people that try to find the middle ground between styles. You can still be best friends, invite each other to kids birthday parties and do things without the kids and maintain the friendship until the kids are of an age where it isn't cool to do playdates. At this point, there is no use being angry with anyone, - no use crying over spilt milk and all that. If you do another playdate with said friend, pick location carefully, and watch your stuff. You may also decide that you guys have very different childrearing styles if she doesn't really watch her own kids when you get together so better to only plan outings that don't include the kids - get together for lunch with friends - without the kids in order to have a chance to talk. Reality is that it is tough to have any real conversation when kids are young if you are actively watching your kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Toddlers are toddlers.

DH is an adult who could have prevented this but did not. He let the child play with the keys without considering the consequences.

How is the DH more responsible than the toddler's parents (who also saw the toddler with the keys)?

Because they're HIS stuff (or his DW's). You need to take care of your things better. This is your responsibility--you need to go back to the park and search, call the park authorities to see if they were turned in, and/or replace them yourself. I agree it's a shame that the parents didn't do better to supervise but bottom line is that it's your fault for not securing them when you saw that they were out and in the hands of a toddler.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Toddlers are toddlers.

DH is an adult who could have prevented this but did not. He let the child play with the keys without considering the consequences.

How is the DH more responsible than the toddler's parents (who also saw the toddler with the keys)?

b/c reprimanding a toddler isn't that easy - nor does it produce quick results

The husband should have placed the items FAR out of reach.

Here's to hoping you WEREN'T serious about your post although I just spent a few wasted seconds responding!

[Anonymous]

OP you may be one of the lucky ones whose kids never went into bags or opened cabinets but most kids do do that.

Your DH should have gotten the keys back after he finished chasing your child. If they were missing then, everyone could have looked for them then and there.

[Anonymous]

If my toddler had gotten into someone else's bag and taken their keys out, I would have intervened immediately. Not OK. So I am with you so far as not being happy about that.

Having said that, it's your responsibility to replace these keys if it comes to that (and I presume you've scoured the park already to look for them, right?) If your DH saw the child with the keys, it's a real shame he didn't safeguard them better after that. If I were the other parents and you called me about this hinting that I should help you pay for them, I'd be offended and annoyed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP you may be one of the lucky ones whose kids never went into bags or opened cabinets but most kids do do that.

Your DH should have gotten the keys back after he finished chasing your child. If they were missing then, everyone could have looked for them then and there.

Not OP but I think if my kid went to another person's house and was in their pockeybook, opening their cabinets, etc, there would be some attempt to stop them, some apology, attempt to redirect to some other activity hopefully with the hosts help of needed. I've had stuff like that happen and really the parent's willingness to intervene made the difference. That said, I've been visiting relatives where for me the bar was set too high, really all weekend the kids have to whisper, the house has to be spotless at all times etc, and in those cases I'd rather avoid a repeat of being in a situation where everyone will be tense and unhappy.

[Anonymous]

You have a toddler too right? You know what is developmentally typical for them at this age? I would have more sympathy if you didnt have a kid and werent familiar with what they get up to when you look away from them for a solid second. A few times I have had kids come visit who are a year or so older than I am and been caught by surprise by what they were able to get into and exactly how quick. You have to expect and allow for this and just keep important things secure, period. Otherwise you have what today amounts to really: a super expensive playdate.

[Anonymous]

Nanny here:

Why were your kids not being supervised? With a toddler I am constantly 2 steps behind. Never, ever do they get close enough to a ledge or have the opportunity to go in other people's bags. People like to say things about nannies, but none of the kids in my care are losing keys and falling off ledges. Look after your kid, OP!!

[Anonymous]

I think op wants her friend to pay for the keys. My guess is that op is cheap and is Hoping when friend can't find them..she would offer. Blame is completely on husband..so what he had to run after his child..when he got said child back he should have retrieved keys and put in his pocket. Op have some shame...cheapness is no way to live and FYI blaming toddlers for acting like toddlers is silly

[Anonymous]

No dog in this fight but OP, were I your friend and were I to log on to DCUM and find this post, I would be beyond irritated at you (I'm assuming you didn't articulate all your frustration to your friend). While I'm not naive enough to think that everyone logs on DCUM, enough people do that it's likely she'll either read this or hear about it from others and there's enough identifying detail here that it'll be obvious to anyone familiar with the story (friend herself or friends of friends since I strongly suspect right this very minute she's thinking "why on earth are they acting like it's my responsibility to take care of their keys?).

It REALLY sucks that this happened -- truly. You're right that it's costing 100's of dollars. In my opinion, you may also now risk losing the friendship (if you hadn't written it off already). I know you wanted to vent -- just saying that the cost of such can be pretty high when you're relating both the narrative and your emotions.