Need ideas for "logical consequences" for hitting

[Anonymous]

There is not one way to raise every child. Each child is different and lives in a different environment which also plays a big factor in how our children see the world.

Some children really want to please their parents/caregiver so they really respond to them letting the child know that they are disappointed in the child's action and that they want them to do better but for now they need some time separated from them.
Sometimes times Time out works perfect. It gives the child a chance to calm down so you can talk about the problem.
Taking favorite toys/activities can be very effective but remember just like adults, children can get use to not having and not doing certain things. They are human and us humans evolve and adapt to our situations.
Some children respond to spanking very well and some don't. This doesn't mean don't talk to your child first and let them know that their actions are getting them in trouble.

In some cases a hug can really calm a child down so you can figure out why he/she is hitting period.

The bottom line is if your child is acting out, first communicate with them. Helping build communication skills will help when trying to figure out what is going on their little minds. We parents like to think we know everything that's going on with our children but it's not that simple. Children see many things that they don't understand on media and when they are away from their parents each day. They may even imitate some of those things. Also, children are sometimes afraid to talk about things that are happening to them at school, with friends, outside the house. As parents we have to open the line of communication. Unfortunately, the wrong punishment can close the door to the child opening up and their may be a more serious issue underling a child hitting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

OP, take away something huge to him. Immediately, no warning needed for such an egregious offense. My son spit at me when he was six. I donated his beloved Leapster to charity the next day. If it hadn't been a school day, I would have made him come with me.

After the tantrum from hell settled down, I told him why spitting was bad, how it was disrespectful, and how he knew full well he wasn't allowed to hit or otherwise disrespect his parents. I reminded him that he can always be mad or be sad, but that he has to be polite when displaying these emotions. If that's not possible, he needs to go to his room until he calms down.

He's never spit or hit since.

We take away privileges for this kind of behavior - no iPad for a week, bedtime snack, etc. PEP would also tell you that you need to help your child manage their anger - teach them ways to channel their anger that doesn't include hurting people or destruction of property. I have a DS who lashes out when he is upset or angry and does hit me sometimes. I have to be very strict with him about this behavior and have been working with him to find ways that work for him to manage his anger.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think all the logical discussion/removal of privileges approaches are good ones but there are some times when you just need the shock value of reactivity to emphasize how completely unacceptable that behavior is.

Our son---adopted as an older child and completely defiant and disobedient, took to pulling my hair when angry---counting on the fact that I wouldn't do it back to him. I finally said very calmly, "If you do that to me again, I am going to do it back to you." He tried me out and I jerked him up by his hair and he never did it again. If you can't control them physically at 7, then you are in for a lot of trouble when they are larger and can actually hurt you seriously. (And a 7 year old can cause a lot of damage---I got a bloodied lip from being head-butted when holding my tantruming kid on my lap to keep him from throwing things).

Your son doesn't pull the hitting stunt with your DH because he is physically intimidated by him. You, not so much, and he is testing his limits on that.

So in this instance, I don't fall in with the pacifists. I'm sorry---the natural consequence for hitting someone as an adult is that they are legally entitled to hit you back. That's called self-defense. So when a 7 year old hits, I don't see anything wrong with an immediate and hard smack on the rear, followed by banishment to his room. And then I would focus on affirmative reparations instead of removal of privileges--I'd assign extra chores---weeding the yard, sweeping the porch, with the explanation that in a family we don't hit each other, and when we do, we need to make extra amends to the family unit by doing something positive for the household.

Wow, good luck when your parent is a teenager. Congrats for using physical punishment on a kid who was probably abused. a+ parenting there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the logical consequence for hitting is to separate yourself from the child, in a way that is punitive. By punitive I mean the child goes to their room, rather than say out for ice cream for Dad. The message needs to be "I don't want to be around someone who is hitting me". This is about the only thing I'd use confinement to their room for, because it's such a huge deal.

I also think you want to be very clear that whatever your child was seeking to gain from hitting didn't happen. So, if he's hitting because he wants you to buy him a specific toy, that toy's not an option, ever (not on the Christmas list, not something he can save up for). I think too often we say to our kids, "Oh no, that's now how we do it, let's make a plan" and then the plan ends up with them getting what they want (e.g. you can earn X by not hitting for a week or something), and basically the kid learns that if they want a plan they just have to hit. If they're hitting to get out of a shopping expedition, then maybe you go home, but you go back and redo the trip the next day. Kid is confined to their room in the meantime, and knows the only way to get "out" of that confinement is to behave on the second trip.

+1
After your DC calms down and won't be agitated by talking about it (which may not be until next day), talk with him about it and problem-solve (get his ideas for) how he can manage his frustration/anger differently next time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm sorry, but this is a perfect example of the BS that is the "logical consequences" theory of child rearing and why, quite frankly, you are well on your way to raising a first class brat.

The "logical consequences" of a seven-year-old hitting Mommy?

He gets a good spanking.

+10000
many of the "logical consequence" parents end up with rude, entitled, disrepectful bratty kids.
seriously, nip it in the bud immediately with a swat back. you want your child to pause the next time and remember what happened last time!!

Not OP, but we've spanked our 6 yo DD several times for hitting & she still hits. Spanking is not a deterrent for all kids.

[Anonymous]

Is this new? Is he ok? Somewhere in all this talking and consequences make time to check in on him to see if something is going on and hes taking out on a safe person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm sorry, but this is a perfect example of the BS that is the "logical consequences" theory of child rearing and why, quite frankly, you are well on your way to raising a first class brat.

The "logical consequences" of a seven-year-old hitting Mommy?

He gets a good spanking.

So the hitting goes on? If you give him a good spanking he'll probably interpret it as "the only way to resolve problems is by hitting and spanking". That's not what we want to teach our children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm sorry, but this is a perfect example of the BS that is the "logical consequences" theory of child rearing and why, quite frankly, you are well on your way to raising a first class brat.

The "logical consequences" of a seven-year-old hitting Mommy?

He gets a good spanking.

So the hitting goes on? If you give him a good spanking he'll probably interpret it as "the only way to resolve problems is by hitting and spanking". That's not what we want our children to learn.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, don't hit or spank back. PPs who say he'll grow up to hit other kids--probably not. He's hitting mom b/c he's betting on her not hitting back.

I think people were also picking apart the wording too, "logical" could have been replaced by appropriate, commensurate...

I agree with PPs that don't let him get what he was trying to get from hitting you. I also find taking away tv viewing goes a long way.

If it keeps up, maybe see if something's going on at school. You don't have to mention the specific hitting, but if DC is having trouble of some kind, it might be showing up in this way.

Spare the rod and spoil the child.

The "spare the rod, spoil the child" reference refers to the practice of "guiding" sheep with a rod. Not beating them into submission. It's stating without guidance, children will become spoiled.

[Anonymous]

Why does a consequence have to be logical? It seems like an arbitrary rule, like saying "help me find a yellow consequence" or "help me find a consequence that lasts 8 minutes."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

OP, take away something huge to him. Immediately, no warning needed for such an egregious offense. My son spit at me when he was six. I donated his beloved Leapster to charity the next day. If it hadn't been a school day, I would have made him come with me.

After the tantrum from hell settled down, I told him why spitting was bad, how it was disrespectful, and how he knew full well he wasn't allowed to hit or otherwise disrespect his parents. I reminded him that he can always be mad or be sad, but that he has to be polite when displaying these emotions. If that's not possible, he needs to go to his room until he calms down.

He's never spit or hit since.

+1. Alarmed by both the spankers and the softies on here!! If a child hit me at the age of 7, they'd lose something huge and never get it back.

+2 I'm not against spanking, but in the situation described when the kid is already upset and you the parent are upset nothing will get resolved and the spanking will only escalate the situation.

I also can't believe the let him pick a punishment and give it back in a couple of days crowd. A 7 year old knows darn well hitting isn't okay, If he hasn't learned it at home he's learned it at school.

It also isn't likely they need therapy.

Pack up some toys and off to donation they go. Have your chat and maybe another consequence such as early bed.

[Anonymous]

Not a 7 year old, but when my almost 3 year old did this. I took him by the hand and in a very scary mommy voice told him that was not allowed and unacceptable. Hasn't done it since and he's now 9.