Feel like the walls are closing in quickly

[Anonymous]

11:15 and 11:28, I would LOVE nothing more than to pick up and move back to California. Believe me I have wracked my brain every which way possible to see if there's any way we could do it, but unfortunately it is not possible. And no this is NOT an excuse it is reality and facts.

My mom is in her upper 70s and lives with her 92 year old boyfriend up in the Hollywood Hills. As stressful as it is living with my husband in my current situation, it would be even more so to live with my mom. She can be VERY short-fused and easily agitated and even when my son and I went for a visit, it was SOOO stressful for him because of that, which in turn caused his tics and other symptoms, to get out of hand. And that was only for a 10 day visit.

I've even discussed with her the thought of moving back and she doesn't want us to because she feels it would be way too traumatic for my son and also for reasons as follows. I think she also does not want the responsibility or inconvenience of having us stay with her and her boyfriend, even if it's temporary. She already has a lot on her plate dealing with my younger sister who has major issues, and I think she wants as much piece and quiet in her life as possible.

I love my mom to death, but living with her would be beyond a nightmare. Aside from that, their location is very out of the way and the schools within a reasonable reach of there would not be a good fit for my son.

Also, my son is VERY attached to his dad and visa-versa, so taking a special needs child whose conditions worsen big time with stress and trauma, away from his dad, friends and home since age 2, would be beyond devastating for him and I would fear for his physical and emotional well-being.

The other BIG problem would be finding reputable doctors, therapists, etc. My mom and sister are simply not capable or willing to do that for me, and my sister has major issues, so I would have to do it all on my own. Not that I would mind, but the time it would entail and trying to find good, competent doctors who have an understanding of my son's issues, especially Lyme, which is not that prevalent in Southern California, would be a full-time job in itself.

Last, but not least, again it's about finances. Renting a place near where my mom or sister lives, or ANY halfway decent area out there is an absolute fortune. Low-income housing out there would be very, very dangerous, we're talking gang-infested, high crime areas.

Just for the heck of it, I looked a little bit when we went to visit over the summer. Something halfway decent in a decent area is a minimum 2,500 to 3k if you're lucky.

[Anonymous]

OP it sounds like you need to stay here. As another poster stated it is fine to reach out for help but I think you need to take action. You don't have to do something huge just DO SOMETHING. You have tons of reasons why you can't but did deep and make a small step in the direction you want to go.

[Anonymous]

OP - my heart goes out to you. It really does. I can't imagine the stress you are going through with your son.

Here are my 2 cents:

You say that you can't get up and move or leave your husband or x, y or z. Reading your posts, it sounds like you are right that you can't do those things RIGHT NOW. But what can you do RIGHT NOW that will bring you closer to being able to do those things.

Can you set aside ANY money at all? Is there anything you can sell (secretly) and then stash the money away? Moving across country, getting a divorce, leaving your husband of 23 years - these are all admittedly very big moves. But instead of that one big move, how about you try to reach the same point by way of many many smaller steps.

I don't know exactly what is feasible for you, but I know that there must be something. If therapy isn't working, stop going. I wouldn't normally advise anybody of this, but if you feel like it isn't helping, then take that money and the time you'd use for therapy and stash it away. During that one hour, do something (small but productive) to get you to your goal (let's say, to move back to CA). Research doctors. I can't believe that there aren't great doctors out there as well. You just may have not found them yet.

Nothing will change if you won't do anything else. Your husband sounds like a piece of work, but honestly, you need to let go of the small shit. Your life is too complicated to care about things like your DH leaving putting a ladder on something wet and almost falling (or whatever). Who cares about what could have happened? Let that stupid stuff go and focus on the big things...

[Anonymous]

OP, a couple things. First, you say your son can "turn off" his tics and that if we met him in public, we'd never know he's special needs. Ever think that maybe he's putting on a bit of a show for you? Or if he isn't, that you are letting this consume you? So what if he screeches, let him screech. I'd also suggest that you maybe skip the support group and go do something fun, something that will light you up. Go dancing, play music, paint, whatever that makes you feel like you and turns on. Bonus points if you are able and willing to share with your son, but you need to do something that makes you feel your soul again. You've also acknolleged that your husband and son have a bond. So what if he isn't patient, you say yourself your son enjoys time with him. I'd let the marriage crap go, view your husband as a parent and friend, or at least a sentient being who can help with your son, and just let it go. Have an affair if it makes you feel better, just be honest with whoever you have the affair with. I'd also get your husband a bed. Sounds like he could use it.

[Anonymous]

15:07, I know it's difficult to comprehend if you're not living the life of a Tourette's parent, but there are different degrees of severity with Tourette's syndrome. Most kids with Tourette's are able to suppress their tics, some with very severe cases do not have that capability.

It is absolutely not "a show." What happens when kids suppress their tics is a pressure builds up inside and they eventually have to express them at some point. It takes a tremendous amount of concentration and energy for them to suppress the tics because it's like a constant "brain hiccup" if you will. So even if they're not showing them on the outside, they're having them on the inside and it's extremely stressful and almost unbearable. The way it's been described to me by some tourette's kids and adults is it's like you have a mosquito bite that is driving you crazy and you have to itch it, but your hands are tied and there's no way to scratch.

Most kids with Tourette's to the degree my son has it typically start much younger at around 3-5 years old. But for my son, it didn't come into full bloom until a year ago at age 14. So if you can imagine, being a teenager, going through puberty and then all of the sudden your entire world and life as you knew it changes almost overnight. Like every other kid you want to fit in, but now that's become almost impossible because you're constantly worrying about making odd and embarrassing sounds or movements.

So, no, it is the furthest thing from a "show" for attention.
It is a condition I wouldn't wish upon my worst enemy and I'm truly amazed at how resilient my son has been through it all.

It's not a situation where I'm letting it consume me either. I know it's hard to comprehend unless you are dealing with this thing yourself, but my son suffers tremendously with this and of course the screeching is bothersome, but it doesn't end there. This vocal tic is ramping up so much in intensity and frequency that he's got ringing in his ears, a sore throat and hoarse voice. It's almost non-stop right now and it's so loud you can literally hear him if you are walking down the street outside our house with all of the windows and doors closed!

He is my only child and you'd almost have to be a stone for this not to be all-consuming. If it's not his tics, it's HUGE canker sores on his tongue or mouth that develop into a biting tic and OCD. If it's not that, it's him having "narcolepsy" episodes where he falls into walls, if it's not that, it's severe anxiety.

I'm not saying all of this for any pity, I'm just trying to paint a picture of what this is like, and my son's condition and issues are just one part of what I deal with in my life.

It's very easy for people to sit back and say, well just do this and just do that. But trust me, if you were in my shoes, you would understand why I'm so frozen right now that I can barely breath.

Sure, things could be a hundred times worse, and I'm so grateful they are not. I have tried for so long to take baby steps, take action, do whatever I can to move forward and make changes, but each time I take a step forward I seem to get knocked back about 50 steps.

I wrack my brains daily.......okay, what can I do today to start moving forward? Scouring Craigslist for jobs; thinking of every way under the sun to get an income; sending out resumes; contacting old friends and colleagues to reach out for job opportunities; thinking of possible business ideas, and the list goes on.

Example: Over a year ago, a few months before my son's Tourette's and Lyme came into full bloom, I took a full-time marketing/PR position with a promising start-up company. This was part of my plan to get out of the marriage. Not only did the job go south in less than 6 months because the man i worked for was VERY verbally abusive and it was just he and I in a small office, but then my son's situation started and there was no way I could keep a fulltime position.

Anyway, what I'm trying to get at is for me to get to the point of this post originally, it took a pretty long time of trying everything under the sun and having road blocks pop up no matter which way I turn, no matter how positive and optimistic I tried to be. I didn't just come on here and post after a few months of hardship and not proactively doing anything to try and change my circumstances.