Just curious how many marriages did not involve an actual "proposal"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To those of you who did not have the traditional proposal-did you ever feel that you missed out on the romance of it all? There are years and years to be practical and grown-up and to get through the "drudgery" of day to day life. But, it doesn't seem that the proposal or decision to get married should be steeped in practicality as well.

I'm a PP who said I sometimes think about it. But I hate contrived things, and a planned out, elaborate proposal would have been contrived. Something I would have been able to talk about for years -- but not something I would have "felt" for years (and yes I relive feelings attached to events quite often). I cherish the spontaneous romantic moments so much more. I just can't imagine a more traditional scenario that would have felt genuine to me. But a lot of that has to do with our personalities, I'm sure. Other people just love the traditional thing, and that's great.

[Anonymous]

I had a proposal and it was fine. I had a wedding and it was nice too. But I can't imagine looking back and thinking of either as one of the very most specialist things ever. I have a lot more sentiment about the honeymoon, the birth of our children, picnicking in our house the day we closed . . .

Unlike some posters here, however, I don't take my preferences as a sign that I am more evolved or more civilized that people with different preferences.

I save that for circumcision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No proposal. Like a PP, we discussed as equals, picked out wedding bands, then we eloped.

I dated a guy once who talked about asking my father for permission (as if I were property!). I knew right then we needed to break up.

Sounds like the guy you gave up who wanted to ask permission was a gentleman. Dont knock certain peoples traditions.

Clearly, if the guy really knew her, he wouldn't have wanted to ask permission. Don't make assumptions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No proposal. Like a PP, we discussed as equals, picked out wedding bands, then we eloped.

I dated a guy once who talked about asking my father for permission (as if I were property!). I knew right then we needed to break up.

Sounds like the guy you gave up who wanted to ask permission was a gentleman. Dont knock certain peoples traditions.

Clearly, if the guy really knew her, he wouldn't have wanted to ask permission. Don't make assumptions.

Cleary pp thats why she ended up with someone else...duh. It does not change the fact that what he wanted to do was something a gentleman with those beliefs does. Still stands dont knock traditions. No assumptions made at all so learn to read posts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To those of you who did not have the traditional proposal-did you ever feel that you missed out on the romance of it all? There are years and years to be practical and grown-up and to get through the "drudgery" of day to day life. But, it doesn't seem that the proposal or decision to get married should be steeped in practicality as well.

I love the "drudgery" of my day to day life. This morning, I had to use the bathroom while my husband was taking a shower. Of course, our DD had to come into the bathroom as well. She was opening the shower curtain, unraveling toilet paper. It was bliss. My husband and I just looked at each other with the biggest smiles. For me, those are the moments I cherish the most. Different strokes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No proposal. Like a PP, we discussed as equals, picked out wedding bands, then we eloped.

I dated a guy once who talked about asking my father for permission (as if I were property!). I knew right then we needed to break up.

Sounds like the guy you gave up who wanted to ask permission was a gentleman. Dont knock certain peoples traditions.

Clearly, if the guy really knew her, he wouldn't have wanted to ask permission. Don't make assumptions.

Cleary pp thats why she ended up with someone else...duh. It does not change the fact that what he wanted to do was something a gentleman with those beliefs does. Still stands dont knock traditions. No assumptions made at all so learn to read posts.

Duh? Who says, "duh?" Now, I'm assuming you're a 25 year old with a a princess fantasy.

[Anonymous]

I can't imagine being proposed to in a relationship of equals. It just seems mutually exclusive. My memory of making the decision involves a discussion we had in the shower about when, and I recall that we did it in December to get the tax benefits for that calendar year. But then again I was never a traditionalist in any way. Yet another couple here who had no proposal, no engagement ring (we each ordered our own matching wedding bands online, they were very inexpensive and we have never replaced/upgraded them -- I'm not a jewelry person), no wedding. We did have a party/reception to give our families an event to celebrate the marriage, and that was nice, as weddings are the only time people you haven't seen in years will travel to see you. But the actual getting married part was doing the paperwork at the courthouse and then a short civil ceremony (pro forma). I believe I was wearing corduroy pants and a black sweater. We have never had a honeymoon or really any kind of vacation just the two of us. Six years and three kids later, we are very happy.

To the PP who asked about romance, I'm just not a romance person. I do have cherished memories of things that DH has done for me, but they are very specific to us. I didn't feel any need or desire to participate in society's prefab rituals of what constitutes romance. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with participating in those things, necessarily -- a lot of people seem to really enjoy it -- but it just wasn't my bag.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No proposal. Like a PP, we discussed as equals, picked out wedding bands, then we eloped.

I dated a guy once who talked about asking my father for permission (as if I were property!). I knew right then we needed to break up.

Sounds like the guy you gave up who wanted to ask permission was a gentleman. Dont knock certain peoples traditions.

Clearly, if the guy really knew her, he wouldn't have wanted to ask permission. Don't make assumptions.

Cleary pp thats why she ended up with someone else...duh. It does not change the fact that what he wanted to do was something a gentleman with those beliefs does. Still stands dont knock traditions. No assumptions made at all so learn to read posts.

Duh? Who says, "duh?" Now, I'm assuming you're a 25 year old with a a princess fantasy.

Yes Im 25 and my name is Princess Jasime. Duh.

[Anonymous]

^^^haha meant Jasmine!

[Anonymous]

I can't imagine being proposed to in a relationship of equals. It just seems mutually exclusive.

And you would feel the same if a woman asked a man?

Someone brings the topic up. The other person is in favor or not. It happens with marriage, parenthood, home ownership, going out to dinner . . . the fact that one person is ahead of the other doesn't mean they aren't equals.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To those of you who did not have the traditional proposal-did you ever feel that you missed out on the romance of it all? There are years and years to be practical and grown-up and to get through the "drudgery" of day to day life. But, it doesn't seem that the proposal or decision to get married should be steeped in practicality as well.

Not at all--but I don't think of a wedding proposal as romantic! I think of it as decidedly UN-romantic, actually--a throwback to a time where men were the ones who decided when a relationship should progress to marriage, and women sat around just hoping. Now of course I know plenty of couples who had a traditional proposal and they are not like that at all, but that is what the marriage proposal symbolizes to me.

[Anonymous]

My DH proposed to me in the old style (bended knee and all) while we were on vacation in Spain. It was very sweet. He then presented me with a small box of family rings sent to him by his mother for him to pawn to buy an engagement ring. I definitely did not take him up on the "pawning the old family rings" idea. We got a pretty engagement ring on Craig's List after returning to the U.S. I also got my wedding band on Craig's List. I like the rings but I'm glad we didn't spend much on them because now I don't wear either my wedding or my engagement rings except for special occasions. It was important to DH for me to have them but he knew that I wasn't a jewelry person.

Yes, the whole bended knee thing is old fashioned and not remotely necessary but I thought it was very cute. We very much are a marriage of equals; I don't think that the way in which I got engaged, or the way in which anyone gets engaged, informed our future life as a married people.

[Anonymous]

I think it's okay to have a romantic wedding proposal. It just wasn't for me. That's all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No proposal. Like a PP, we discussed as equals, picked out wedding bands, then we eloped.

I dated a guy once who talked about asking my father for permission (as if I were property!). I knew right then we needed to break up.

And women complain that chivalry is dead. Down south it doen't matter if you've been living together, a proper gentleman asks her father for permission, or at least tells her father of his intention to propose before asking her to marry him.

I almost fell for your line you troll-baiter!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had a proposal and it was fine. I had a wedding and it was nice too. But I can't imagine looking back and thinking of either as one of the very most specialist things ever. I have a lot more sentiment about the honeymoon, the birth of our children, picnicking in our house the day we closed . . .

Unlike some posters here, however, I don't take my preferences as a sign that I am more evolved or more civilized that people with different preferences.

I save that for circumcision.

I love you. Seriously. Will you marry me? My uncircumcised son can be the ring-bearer.