Just curious how many marriages did not involve an actual "proposal"

[Anonymous]

No proposal and we picked out rings together - engagement and wedding bands. Reasonably traditional wedding. Going on 20 years. I don't feel that I missed a thing - I would have been mortified by a big public proposal, and a private proposal seems silly when you've already discussed getting married.

[Anonymous]

I don't like the traditional movie-style proposals. The whole idea of "popping the question" rubs me the wrong way, because it implies that the woman just needs to wait around until he man is ready, at which point HE will decide to let her in on his intentions.

So yeah, no proposal in my case. We discussed it like equals, then we announced it to our families. I did get an engagement ring... just a band of channel-set diamonds. I am and was too busy and active to bother with a rock that would catch on things.

[Anonymous]

I have to say-I loved, loved, loved my proposal. It was complete surprise, incredibly well-planned and lovely. Amazing, actually.

Although I don't consider myself a traditionalist, this was a highlight memory that I will cherish forever.

[Anonymous]

if you count "well, i guess we really should get married now!" while staring at a positive pregnancy test....


8 yrs married/12 together, so it's worked out!

[Anonymous]

Small proposal- I knew when it would happen. Engagement ring that I picked out beforehand, simple wedding band that cost less than a meal. Planned to upgrade, but I value my ring for the sentiment it holds. Plus, I'm not into jewelry and would rather spend the money on something else.

Very happy with how everything has turned out.

[Anonymous]

We talked around it for awhile and then decided while traveling. Soon after we picked out rings. I ended up with a nice band and a small ruby engagement ring. He did ask me sort of formally after we got the ring. Have been married nearly 7 yrs now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't like the traditional movie-style proposals. The whole idea of "popping the question" rubs me the wrong way, because it implies that the woman just needs to wait around until he man is ready, at which point HE will decide to let her in on his intentions.

I completely agree with this. We'd discussed it and he had been telling me for a year or so that he was ready, if and whenever I was. Then one day I decided I was ready too and that was that.
I also told him very clearly that a diamond ring was out of the question, because after reading a case on the deBeers cartel in B-school I realized that diamonds are just a plentiful form of carbon whose price has been artificially propped up by the cartel at great human cost. The thought of being reminded of that every time I looked at my hands was really unappealing.
Also didn't want a wedding--the thought of the canned ceremony with the canned variations on the same thing with 200 people I hardly ever talk to was really depressing. We eloped and had a great time.

Maybe I have oppositional defiant disorder or something. Happily married, 12+ years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't like the traditional movie-style proposals. The whole idea of "popping the question" rubs me the wrong way, because it implies that the woman just needs to wait around until he man is ready, at which point HE will decide to let her in on his intentions.

So yeah, no proposal in my case. We discussed it like equals, then we announced it to our families.

I am in this camp, too. Also had a short engagement, because we didn't buy into the whole wedding industry. We had a formal, black tie ceremony with our close friends and immediate family 6 weeks after we "got engaged" at a lovely inn in rural Virginia - which we had to ourselves.

I personally think too many people plan weddings, and not enough people plan marriages.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:if you count "well, i guess we really should get married now!" while staring at a positive pregnancy test....
!

Our story exactly. Seems pretty romantic to me!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't like the traditional movie-style proposals. The whole idea of "popping the question" rubs me the wrong way, because it implies that the woman just needs to wait around until he man is ready, at which point HE will decide to let her in on his intentions.

So yeah, no proposal in my case. We discussed it like equals, then we announced it to our families.

I am in this camp, too. Also had a short engagement, because we didn't buy into the whole wedding industry. We had a formal, black tie ceremony with our close friends and immediate family 6 weeks after we "got engaged" at a lovely inn in rural Virginia - which we had to ourselves.

I personally think too many people plan weddings, and not enough people plan marriages.

AMEN to this!!!

[Anonymous]

I think its fine if you dont "buy into the wedding" industry thing or want a big event. Its really to each their own. I dont think one person can say that if you had a big proposal or wedding that it was stupid.

I had a pretty large wedding recently, and by the end I was at my witts end I will admit. MIL and my mom were insane, I was at a new job, so stressed I got bronchitis, then cold sores all on my lips. I was on so much medicine right before the wedding thats the only thing that got me looking normal and beautiful for the wedding day.

But regardless of all that, it was truly one of the best days of my life (this far). Everything was perfect and we were both so happy to be together and it really was all worth it. There are trade offs to all situations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No proposal, just a discussion in the car one day that made it clear we were ready and eager. Then we went out and picked rings together (one quiet enough that I can wear it anywhere).

7:41 has a nice story.

Us too. Married 10 years!

[Anonymous]

DH and I had lived together for a couple of years and then mutually decided to marry. After that mutual decision and some ring shopping, DH did propose but frankly it was pro forma. It was fine but not one of the best memories of my life. We had a very small wedding. DH is the love of my life, he's the best thing that ever happened to me. Having said that, I am so glad that we did not waste a lot of resources on a wedding. Likewise, I have an engagement ring but I didn't want a diamond. Also glad I didn't sink a lot of $ into that. We've spent a lot of money on other things that are very important to us. To each his/her own.

[Anonymous]

No proposal, no ring, no wedding. No interest in any of that. Just decided to "legalize" a long-term relationship for practical reasons. Went to the courthouse, signed the paper, and that was that. Been together over 20 years, married for 9.

[Anonymous]

No proposal. Like a PP, we discussed as equals, picked out wedding bands, then we eloped.

I dated a guy once who talked about asking my father for permission (as if I were property!). I knew right then we needed to break up.